


Trust in me

by Winmance



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Age Difference, Bottom Jared, Hate to Love, Lonely Jensen, M/M, Minor Character Death, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Rape/Non-con, Police Officer Jensen, Prostitute Jared, Sharing Clothes, Sharing a Bed, Slow Burn, Top Jensen, cocky Jared, mention of suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-24
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-06-15 15:52:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 31
Words: 53,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15416379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winmance/pseuds/Winmance
Summary: It isn’t the innocence of the boy’s voice that was making such dirty sexual innuendos that made his blood run cold, it was the suggestive smirk he plastered onto his face while saying it. The way he leans too far forward on the chair, that it was impossible not to look obscene, and the large spread of his legs while he does so, almost inviting Jensen to look.When Jensen's best friend asks him to questionned the young prostitute he just came back with, Jensen has no idea that his life is about to change. Neither does Jared.





	1. Hey, Daddy

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to my sweet beta [automatically-queen](https://automatically-queen.tumblr.com/) who did an amazing job with this story
> 
> Enjoy !

The atmosphere is heavy, the room humid as sweat slides off workers foreheads and drips down onto their desks; their fingers rubbing their temples, trying to push the exhaustion away. They’ve been stuck on the same case for several months now, but instead of filling out their paperwork on time, they had all waited until the last minute to do so.

Jensen should probably feel guilty for making them work so hard. It’s almost five, and the need to get out of the humid room and into fresh air was growing more intense with each passing minute. He himself was starting to feel a bit flush, yet, he couldn’t deny the pleasure of watching them suffer. He had given them several warnings and had told them to finish on time, but instead they decided to slack off or do something ‘more fun,’ they couldn’t blame anyone but themselves.

“Can’t we finish Monday?” Trevor asks, breaking the silence.

“No, you cannot,” Jensen replies without lifting his eyes from his paper.

He hears Trevor sigh heavily before mumbling something under his breath, which he chooses not to hear. Why should he allow them to go home early? To reward them for not doing their job correctly and procrastinating? That wasn’t going to happen, not on his watch.

He has six agents that work for him: Trevor, Will, Laure, Elta, Deborah, and Steve. They’re the best agents in their field, and that’s the sole reason they were put on his team, because they were the best of the best, so to speak. Yet, that is usually the biggest problem with these kinds of agents, all of that fame goes to their head and makes them cocky. They begin to think too highly of themselves and begin to get lazy; they focus far too much on the field work and catching the criminals instead of considering the paperwork - without it, all of their work would’ve been in vain.

The can call Jensen all the names they want - dictator, dickhead, he couldn’t care less, At the end of the day they all show him respect while talking with him, and fear his wrath, even though they may try to hide it.

Their last case was rough, to say the least. What was supposed to be a simple suicide investigation had instantly turned into their biggest case, and without realizing it they had just fallen into a pit of drug deals and crime bosses. They had arrested everyone, including every drug dealer that they could get their hands on, and the crime boss behind it all - Mark Pellegrino. Yet, their success was dampened with Jensen’s worries, the smile that Mark had on his face when he got arrested told him that it wasn’t over yet.

“Done!” Deborah exclaims as she proudly drops the report on Jensen's desk with a heavy thump. 

“Did you put in everything?” Jensen says, eyeing the folder critically.

“Yessir. All of it.” 

“Good.” 

She stays in front of him, waiting like a good student wanting her teacher to congratulate her. It’s funny how easily his team forgets that Jensen isn’t here to be their friend. But he will be nice when they start doing their job correctly.

“Anything else?” He asks, raising his eyebrows.

“I- No sir.” 

“Fine. Then you can go.” 

She looks disappointed as she walks away but doesn’t say a thing, only smiling at him when she tells him to have a nice weekend. He knows that he isn’t allowed to have favorites, but Deborah may he his anyway; she works the hardest and never questions his choices, she trusts him as her superior and he believes she may slowly be gaining his in return.

Three hours later, everyone is finally gone, and all the fills are ready to be sent. Jensen is still here because he has to give his approval for every report, which means checking the names, dates, and hours of every event. It's hard, thorough, and precise work, which takes up a lot of time, but he doesn’t mind.

Usually, Friday nights were spent working on the car in his garage - a 1967 Chevy Impala to be exact - which he had bought a couple months ago. It was a beautiful car, or at least it would be when he’s done with it. Every time he thought he fixed something he would find another broken, dented, or missing part. In all honesty, he was giving up on ever fixing her up, yet, giving how hot it was tonight he doubted he would even be able to work on her once he got home.

“Still working?” Derek asks as he enters the room. 

Jensen had known Derek for years, had met him back when they were both training to be cops. The instructor had paired them together, and even though they had several ups and downs they had never left the others side. They were even lucky enough to work in the same basement, Jensen specialized in the drug department while Derek focused on illegal sexual activities.

“Yeah, You?” 

“Sadly yeah.” He sighed, “One of my guys just brought us someone and I’m not sure what to do with him.”

“Why?” Jensen frowns. The procedure is always the same, and you must follow it to the best of your ability. It makes things easier for everyone, including the victim(s). 

“Because he won’t cooperate. I don’t even have a name.” 

“Is he a client or a mackerel?”

“A prostitute.”

Jensen raises his eyebrows in surprise. Males prostitutes are pretty rare, mostly because they’re more discreet with it, or because cops don’t want to deal with them. Cops protect people, and as far as they’re concerned, men are strong enough to defend themselves, contrary to women. Of course, they don’t all think like that, but most of them do, and that’s enough for the others not to do anything. 

“You want me to talk to him?” 

Derek shoots him a guilty smile and Jensen rolls his eyes. Derek only asks him for help when the situation is complicated, or if he needs to get information out of someone. He always goes straight to Jensen because he emits an intimidating, terrifying, and stone-cold aura. He isn’t sure that Derek should be calling him in this case, not confident that it would help the victim’s situation, but if Derek says he needs him, he’ll give it a try.

“Don’t let him get into your head,” Derek warns him before opening the door of the interrogation room.

Jensen didn’t know what he was expecting to face, but it wasn’t this. He thought he might come face to face with an ordinary or scrawny guy, but the sight that met him was of a boy, not even a man, his petite body almost naked, hair too long to look distinctly masculine, and long, long legs that ran for miles propped up on the table like he owned the place.

“Hi, I’m agent Ackles.” He says, sitting in front of the boy. He takes his pen out, ready to fill in all of the missing information. 

“Oh, Derek isn’t coming back?” 

The guy’s voice is innocent, so freaking innocent and soft that Jensen starts to wonder if maybe his friend is just messing with him. 

“No, he’s not.” 

“That’s too bad,” The boy sighs, “I really liked him. And I think he liked me too, you know? Couldn’t stop looking at me, like he wanted to eat me. Not that I would mind.” 

It isn’t the innocence of the boy’s voice that was making such dirty sexual innuendos that made his blood run cold, it was the suggestive smirk he plastered onto his face while saying it. The way he leans too far forward on the chair, that it was impossible not to look obscene, and the large spread of his legs while he does so, almost inviting Jensen to look.

“But you’re not too bad yourself. Maybe you could be my new daddy?” He said licking his lips.

“Get your feet off the table.” Jensen orders, using his most imposing voice. 

The boy smiles again, as if Jensen agreed with him, before sitting correctly. 

“Name and age.” 

“You’re not gonna buy me a drink first?” 

“I won’t ask again and you’re not leaving until I know who you are.” 

“There are other ways to get to know me,” The boy slides his feet between Jensen's legs, traveling them up and down. 

Jensen is so taken aback that he doesn’t react at first, but when he does it’s by taking the boys feet and twisting until he grimaces from the pain.

“You’re hurting me!” He complains, trying to get away.

“Name. Age. Now.” 

“Jared! my name is Jared!” 

“Last name?” 

“I don’t have one.” 

So either a foster kid or a runaway thought Jensen to himself. They never want to give away their full name, too afraid of going back to the system or going home. He couldn’t blame him though, he knows what happens behind closed doors, how fucked up families are. Jensen lets go of Jared’s feet, satisfied with the information. 

“Age?” 

“Eighteen” Here was the cocky smile again. 

“Yeah? I don’t buy that.” 

“Well, I have an ID.” 

Jensen tries to hide his surprise as best as he can. How can a boy without a last name have an ID? 

“Fine. Give it to me” 

“Why don’t you come and get it?” Jared says as he starts rubbing the front of his short and Jensen can feel himself boiling on the spot. 

“I swear-“ 

“Fine, fine. Jeez, you don’t know how to have fun, do you?” He puts his hands in his short and pulls his ID out of it. 

Jensen looks at the ID for a long time, not sure if he should touch it or not. It was in Jared’s underwear, and giving what activities he’s practicing, touching it may not be the best idea. 

“Put it on the table in front of me”

Jared rolls his eyes but does as he’s told, and sure the ID looks real, from the picture to the birth date, everything is in order. 

“Your family name is Babyboy?” Jensen raises his eyebrows, wondering how stupid the boy thinks he is.

“Yep” 

“Alright, Jared Babyboy, can you tell me for whom you’re working?” 

“I’m not working” 

“You’re not?” 

“Nope”

“How do you eat? Sleep? Shower?” 

“I have really good friends” Jared winks before smirking 

“You know that prostitution is illegal. Even more when you’re underage” 

“I’m not prostituting myself, and I’m not underage” 

“So why are you here?” 

“Because cops are fucking homophobic.” 

Jensen sighs, this would take hours if he doesn't put a stop to it, he knows this. But he doesn’t want to let Jared go, because even though he acts like a brat he’s still a kid, and the streets aren’t safe for him, not at this time. He also can’t force Jared to get help since he has no proof that he’s underage or a prostitute.

“Of course, they are” He sighs as he closes the filled form in front of him, and Jared is already smiling in victory. “Here’s the deal: I let you out of here, but I don’t want to see you back, got it? No prostitution, no drugs, nor anything illegal. Can you do that?” 

Jared makes a cross on his heart, making sure to let his fingers slide down far enough to touch his nipple, but Jensen pretends not to see. 

“I promise officer.” 

“Good.” 

He knocks on the door to signal to Derek that he’s done and that they can go. One look at his watch makes him realize that they’ve been in the room for an hour and a half. How can that be possible? All he got was a name. Nothing else. Then it hits him. He fell right into Jared’s trap without even realizing it. The kid was playing with him all along, exhausting him and upsetting him until he agreed to let him go. 

“Fuck!” He murmurs, closing his eyes in shame. 

“What?” Derek asks, giving his phone back to Jared 

Jensen shakes his head, not wanting to give Jared too much satisfaction. 

“Thanks daddy, I had a really great time,” Jared says, batting his eyelashes in Jensen direction. “I hope we’ll see each other again soon” 


	2. Yesterday when I was young

Jensen’s days are all pretty much the same. He wakes up at 5, hits the gym until six then showers, has breakfast, and gets to work at 8. After work, he drives home where he continues to either work on the car or simply sits back, relaxes, and watches a movie while eating whatever is still available in his fridge. He has a normal, everyday routine, and he loves it.

That’s why dealing with weekends is hard for him. He had two days, every week, where he was left alone to his own devices. He tried to find something to entertain himself with over the weekend, he really did, but the tasks had proved to be too tedious for him. Thus, he works on cases - even though he isn’t supposed to - and gives his troubled colleagues a hand when needed.

Yet, he always makes time on Sunday to see Justin. Sometimes it’s for a couple minutes, sometimes he spends the day with him, asking for advice and sharing stories.

He won’t say that his life is boring because it's not, not really. He risks his life every day by going on high-speed chases, arresting criminals, and by dealing with the aftermath - the victims. He saves lives every day, it’s only fair for him to want some free time for himself. He doesn’t want to come home to anyone, he doesn’t want to worry about anyone else’s safety but his own while working, nor does he want to consult anyone before making decisions for himself.

Derek understands, he has a family of his own - a beautiful wife and two daughters. He’s the only person who doesn’t blame him for wanting to be alone. Maybe it’s because of his family; who better to understand the fear of losing someone dear to them than a man who could lose everything in a day.

That’s how he finds himself in a nightclub with his big brother, trying his best to make his way through the crow to get to the bar.

“Jensen, where are you going?” Josh asks, following him.

“I need a drink!” He shouts over the loud sounds of the club, not even sure that Josh could hear him.

It’s almost impossible for them to talk because of the blaring music that made him think that his head would explode. He’s too old for this - he remembers laughing with Justin and making fun of old men who came into clubs, calling them weird and creepy. What a bitter form of karma for him to end up being one of them.

“Come on, you need to have fun!” Josh yells back, laughing.

“No, I don’t!” He yells, anger rising through him. “I’m old and I want to be alone. Is that so hard to understand?”

“Dude, you’re 35! You’re not old! You’re just acting like you’re old, that’s different!”

“Whatever,” He mumbles, drinking his whiskey before asking for another.

“You know what? Stay here and mope by yourself. I’m gonna have fun alone.”

Josh is gone before he could utter another word, not that he would’ve anyway. He honestly didn’t even want to come, but Josh and his mother had begged him to. He’s pretty sure that Josh going out with him was just a disguise for Josh to leave his wife and children for a night. He couldn’t blame him, Natasha could be very… irksome to say the least, and the kids, well, the kids were awful. They were always yelling, running, and destroying everything in their path.

He glanced over to the other side of the bar and caught a girl’s gaze. She gave him an appreciative look while he mustered up a weak smile. Even though it was hard to see her properly, he could instantly tell she was gorgeous. Her curly brown hair shone in the dim lighting and her almond eyes twinkled at him, her dark eyes almost the same color as her hair. Jensen would be flat out lying if he said she wasn’t attractive.

“And here I was, thinking I was the only one for you.”

Jensen frowns as he turns around, dragging his attention away from the girl.

“Hey daddy!” Jared says, throwing him his most beautiful smile.

He can’t believe this. It’s the first time he goes out in six months, and of course, he has to happen upon someone he knows. Even worse, a criminal he knows.

It’s been a week since they arrested Jared, and he was hoping to never see him again. It had been so humiliating, to be manipulated like that, that Derek had made fun of him for days after that.

“You're allowed to be here?”

“Of course, I am. I’m eighteen, remember?” Jared laughs before taking Jensen’s glass and drinking straight from it. From the corner of his eyes, Jensen could see the girl walking away after witnessing the whole scene. “Ouch, I think your girl just ran away.”

“Yeah, wonder why.” Jensen deadpanned.

Jared leans on the bar, his cropped shorts not doing much to hide what was underneath, Jensen wonders how it’s even possible to wear clothes like that. Doesn’t he feel naked with his body on display like that?

“Looking isn’t free,” He says with a little smirk.

“Getting paid isn’t legal.” Jensen shot back, smiling smugly.

Jared rolls his eyes and eats the olive that was laying in Jensen’s glass. Jensen pretends not to care, knowing full well that it’s exactly what Jared is waiting for.

He knows people who can push themselves into your head and make you do whatever they want, without you even being aware of it, people like Jared.

They let you think you’re in charge, that you’re the one taking the decision, and yet, they play with you like a puppet, a little doll without a soul, without a brain. Jensen won’t fall for this, not again.

“Don’t you have someone else to bother?” Jensen asks, gesturing to the bartender to give him another drink.

“My boyfriend is in the bathroom,”

Jensen frowns when he sees the way Jared pushes the toothpick into his mouth, licking it as if it’s the best thing he ever had. He doesn’t get it at first, but then he turns his head and he can see a man, older than him, probably fifty or something, with the most disgusting smile on his face as he eye-fucks Jared.

It’s sickening. There’s no other word for it. The man is too old, and Jared is too young. Is he the only one that can see it? How wrong it is?

“I thought you had a boyfriend,” Jensen says, trying to hide his disgust.

“Yeah well, I can have more than one, it’s not illegal, is it?”

“I guess it’s not.”

He wishes he could prove that Jared is underage, but without an ID or family name, there’s no way he possibly could. But he knows Jared isn’t eighteen, can tell by the way he smirks while claiming he is, and the way he behaves.

He talks and acts like a young teen who thinks he can get everything he wants, unaware of the dangers life poses.

What could push someone so young to do something so degrading? Where are his parents? Does he have any?

He remembers when he was around Jared’s age, how sex was something both mysterious and attractive. Justin and he would spend hours talking about it, imagining how it would feel, stealing Justin’s dad’s old magazines that he kept in his closet.

He wonders if he would have done it, leaving with strangers in exchange for money, the same way Jared does, the same way so many people do.

“What are you thinking about?” Jared asks, supporting his head with his hand.

“Nothing.”

“Really? You seemed really concentrated.”

“I wasn’t.”

While Jensen expects Jared to sigh or at least be slightly shaken off his game due to the lack of answers, instead Jared shoots him a smile. It was almost as if he was satisfied with Jensen’s answer.

“Alright then,” He says, finishing Jensen’s new drink “Maybe we could talk more next time?”

“There won’t be a next time.”

“Yeah, keep telling yourself that Daddy.” Jared winks before walking away, and Jensen is both glad and disappointed. He wishes he had time to tell Jared to go to hell, or that next time he’ll see him, he would be in jail, even though he’s pretty sure Jared would have come up with another comeback.

He takes a look at his watch and he’s surprised to see that it’s already 4, which means that he can finally ask to go home.

He starts checking the room to find his brother, sneaking up between people and trying not to get stuck in the crowd, but after ten minutes of searching, he still can’t find Josh.

For a moment, he’s worried that Josh took off without him. It won’t be the first time he does so, after all - his brother has a habit of always forgetting Jensen, whenever he gets the occasion. One day when Jensen and Josh were 17 and 23 respectively, they were doing a road trip together, and the minute Jensen was out of the car to get them some snacks, Josh had taken the car and ran away with a girl he just met, leaving Jensen alone and without any money. They didn’t talk to each other for months after that until his brother decided to get married and his mother begged him to come to the wedding.

He makes his way to the bathroom, hoping that the noise will be low enough in order for him to call Josh.

“Hey Josh, it’s me. Where are you? I’m gonna go home so if you’re already gone, that’s ok, if not, just don’t-“

He stops mid-sentence when he sees his brother’s ugly red shoes in one of the cabins. He can’t believe Natasha lets him wear those ugly things, but at least he could always spot Josh with them on.

He’s about to knock on the door when he hears it. Soft, low moans, from Josh at first, but quickly, there’s a girl joining him, and Jensen’s blood goes cold as he realizes what’s happening.

His brother is cheating on his wife.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think of the story so far :)


	3. She Don't Have to Know

“So how long are we gonna be here?” Derek asks, taking a bag of chips out of his bag.

“Don’t know. All night I guess” Jensen sighs, taking another glace through the window “Are you sure you’re okay with this? Sharon isn’t too angry?” 

“Well, a little I guess. I mean, shifting from the night shift to the day shift was supposed to allow me to have more free time, but it’s not working out quite as I hoped. I don’t mind working with you, though, I kinda miss you”

“Does Sharon know about your crush on me?” Jensen says, wiggling his eyebrows.

Derek playfully shoves him while Jensen laughs. He has to admit, he missed Derek too. As soon as he heard that there was a connecting case between their cases he quickly asked Derek to work with him on it.

What could possibly be better than spending the whole night with your best friend while waiting to take down a high scale drug operation? Nothing. Not for him at least.

At least he’s able to shut his mind and thoughts off while he’s working, casting all his attention to the case.

That’s what he loves about his job - the mind-numbing focus. You focus on your job so much that it’s the only thing you think about, you think about your case all day, and all night. You can’t get distracted, because if you do, you put innocent people in danger. Maybe he’s giving up his life for his job, and maybe that isn’t healthy, but at the end of the day it’s worth it. After all, he’s giving up one life for hundreds of others.

“How was the club with Josh? Did he wear his ugly shoes again?” 

Jensen clenched his jaw, thinking back to what happened on the weekend. After pretty much barging in on his brother having sex with someone who isn’t his wife, he fled the club, feeling sick to his stomach. He hadn’t mentioned it to his brother, nor did he tell Josh’s family, and he wants to keep it that way - for now at least. Not until he is sure about what to do.

He pondered over what he should do. Logically, he should tell Natasha that her beloved husband was cheating on her, but he didn’t have any proof, and they had three children; children who would grow up knowing that their dad was nothing more than a bag of shit. It’ll crush their lives, and Jensen couldn’t do that to them. They can be little demons but they’re still innocent children - he couldn’t do that to them. 

“Yeah, he did,” Jensen said dully.

“Is Something wrong?” Derek frowns all his attention now on Jensen. 

Should he tell Derek? It’s obviously a family matter - if Derek told anyone, it could reach Natasha’s ears in a heartbeat, considering that Derek’s wife - Sharon and her are close friends. He knew telling Derek was too risky, but it was too much for him to carry the ongoing guilt and burden on his own.

“Josh is cheating on Natasha.” Jensen blurted out.

“Fuck!” Derek yelled, eyes wide “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, he was in the bathroom with a girl. I saw his shoes and I heard them.” Jensen stated, wincing at the memory.

“Shit!” 

“Shit is right.” He sighed.

“Are you gonna tell Natasha?” 

“I… No. I don’t think so” Jensen said, licking his lips nervously.

There was silence for a long moment as Derek tried to process the information. What does Derek think of him now? Wondered Jensen - does he think he’s a coward? An asshole? Telling the truth will ruin Josh’s family, but keeping his mouth shut could possibly make it even worse. He didn’t know what to do.

“Are you ok?” 

Of all the things Derek could’ve said, this was the last thing Jensen had expected. Jensen didn’t even try to hide his surprise as Derek gave him a weak smile, trying to comfort him.

“With what happened when you were a kid, I know it’s a tough situation…” 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” He says, “It’s none of my business anyway.” 

“If you say so…” 

It’s obvious that Derek wanted to push further, to get Jensen to open up and talk about his feelings and shit, but thankfully he keeps quiet and Jensen silently thanks him with a light punch to the other’s arm.

 

 

The first time he was introduced to sex was when he walked in his dad at the age of 10. Two bodies melting together, sweet nothings whispered into each other’s ears, flesh slapping on flesh, lips on lips and… red hair that didn’t belong to his mom, pink nail polish that his babysitter wore.

She was 14, his dad was 44. There were 30 years between them and his dad didn’t mind taking advantage of their love. But it wasn’t him who was in love with her, she was in love with him, almost to the point of infatuation.

The second his father saw him he begged him not to say anything, guilting him into submission. “Please Jensen, you don’t want to make mommy sad, do you?”

No, he didn’t.

His mom worked hard to support their family, and every time she had to work late she asked Nancy to come over; Nancy with her red hair and pink nail polish. Josh would flee to his friend’s house while Jensen, Shawn, and their father would stay home.

For weeks, he didn’t say anything.

That is, until he heard Nancy and his father fighting in the garage one night. He hid behind the door and listened closely, his young mind trying to comprehend what they were fighting about

She begged his father to tell the truth about them, to leave his family, to leave them for her. She told him they could make their own happily ever after, and build a new life far away from here, just the two of them.

He never loved her, he flung the money in her face, like she was nothing but a filthy whore, and told her to get out of his sight.

She said she would kill herself if he left her, and he shot her a twisted smirk as he watched her cry.

After that, his dad convinced his mom to fire her, and they didn’t hear from her for three weeks.

On the night of the third week, while Jensen’s mom was at work Nancy had asked Jensen to let her in. She had looked so broken, so alone, and so, so weak that he didn’t think twice about letting her in. Only Shawn and him were home, his father choosing to get drunk at a bar rather than stay with them.

He had found her in his parents’ bed, her wrists slit and blood cascading to the floor in waterfalls, her wrists the paper, and her knife the pen she wrote her despair with. Next to her was a picture of his father and an ultrasound, sticky with bloody fingerprints.

They didn’t have any proof to arrest his father, Nancy had a miscarriage three days before she had killed herself, so there was no way they could tell if the baby was his dad’s. All the evidence they had was a dead teenage girl with an infatuation with his father, a picture of an ultrasound, and a phone call from his dad to Nancy’s parents the night they had fought. It consisted of his dad telling them how obsessed their daughter was beginning to be with him, and how he was firing her for the greater good and to ensure both of their safety. He wasn’t interested in her, after all, he had a beautiful wife and children. Her parents had thanked him that night, and promised that they would talk to their daughter. 

She didn’t even tell them that she was pregnant, she had simply agreed with what her parents had said. She tried so hard to make his dad look like the victim because she promised him that she wouldn’t do anything to hurt him. She’d loved him, and thought that maybe, deep down, maybe he had loved her too.

They didn’t have any proof to arrest his father, that is until Jensen opened his mouth and told them everything. 

He told everything to the police, he told them about how his dad treated Nancy, what they did together, and how he had let her into the house. He thought his mom would be proud of him, happy to hear the truth, but alas, the look she gave him the moment they left the police station haunts him to this day, it was a mix between anger, sadness, and guilt, to put it frankly his mom looked utterly broken.

It was on that day that Jensen realized that life wasn’t always fair - that being the good guy doesn’t mean being the hero. His entire family blamed him for taking, including his mom. His dad went to prison for a ridiculously short amount of time, and once he was out, he came back for two years before his mother demanded a divorce.

Even now, he can see their accusatory glares, who was he, to defend a dead girl anyway? 

 

“They’re moving,” Jensen said when he noticed the white truck in front of the building. He alerts the squad of their movement before taking his gun.  “Ready?” 

 

“Me? Always” Derek said, grinning madly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are more welcome :)


	4. You've Got to Stand For Something

They had ended up taking down eight drug dealers and had cuffed three prostitutes. They made sure not to hurt anyone more than necessary, and none of the cops came out with any injuries worse than a sprained ankle, so they counted that as a win.

“Dude, you were amazing!” Derek says as he sits next to Jensen. 

Both of their teams are here, celebrating the achievement of the two department’s combined efforts. But Jensen’s joy was short-lived, this operation had only confirmed his doubts; Pellegrino wasn’t the boss - far from it actually. He was a small seller at best, the actual boss probably promised him a crap-ton of money in exchange for his extended cooperation and clearly, it worked.

“All the credit goes to you, partner” Jensen says, fake enthusiasm in his tone as he toasts his friend.

“Come on Jensen, be happy a little!” Derek said, sensing his fakery.

“Happy about what? Until we have the boss, everything we do is worthless.” Jensen said bitterly.

“No man, it isn’t. We’re putting criminals behind bars, that’s what our job is about. We protect people, and sure, maybe the big win didn’t happen today, hell, it might not happen tomorrow! But tonight, I’ll go to sleep knowing that eight more criminals are behind bars, where they can’t hurt anyone, and that’s good enough for me.”

“Yeah, because criminals don’t do crime in prison,” Jensen mumbled.

“You know what? If you can’t enjoy this win, then it’s your problem, not mine!” Derek says, anger evident in his voice. 

With those last bitter words, he left Jensen alone, choosing to chat up another group of their co-workers, which welcomed him with large, tipsy smiles and fresh beer.

Jensen watches the scene unfold from the outskirts of their social group, as always. He gave up trying to fit in years ago, even when he was but a simple agent, he could never deal with the parties that came after a ‘closed’ case. You never closed a case - not really. Every time you put someone behind bars someone else will step up and take their place, all wanting the money and power that comes with a higher position/rank on the streets.

He throws back his drink and chugs it in record time as he makes his way to the exit, leaving the glass on a coffee table near the entrance of the bar. He didn’t bother saying goodbye to anyone; he knew they would have more fun without him anyways, after all, no one wanted to get drunk in front of their boss.

As he steps out into the crisp air of the night he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, instantly relaxing as the air wasn’t as humid as it was before.

The temperature is perfect for a nightly walk, he notices as he sees couples passing by. He glances over and notices a girl with her boyfriend’s jacket draped over her shoulders while the man affectionately pulls her under his arm, letting her rest against him. He couldn’t stop the smile that crept onto his face even if he tried.

He remembers when he used to do that back in high school, Justin and he would spend hours debating on which diners were better, or which movies so they could take their respective girlfriends out to. The dates usually ended with them being the heroes if the movies were too scary, or if the nights were (purposely chosen to be) too cold.

He doubts that any of the girls were scared or cold, but they had pretended to be, allowing themselves to fall into the flirting game and letting the metaphorical hero with the girl’s heart.

His train of thought came to a screeching halt when he saw Jared leaning against the alley wall, licking his cherry-red lips obscenely, and slowly grinding against the brick, looking like the pure embodiment of lust. Tonight, he seemed to have met his goal - judging by the sleek black car with dark tinted windows that pulled up in front of him.

Jensen frowns as he watches Jared strut forward while bracing his arms against the window, arching his back in a way that gave the man a clear view of his smooth skin and putting his perky ass on display. Jensen knew exactly what was happening, but didn’t know if he should interfere - if he waits and follows the car he could get both Jared and the man arrested, but this would mean that this man would have sex with Jared first, and he couldn’t let that happen.

It’s one of the things that Jensen has had the most trouble with since working at the police department. He couldn’t get his head around the idea that in order to get someone arrested, he needed to let them commit the crime. Isn’t it his job to prevent crimes and enforce the laws?

“Hey there, Jared,” He says, walking up behind him “Chilly night, isn’t it?” 

Jared clenched his jaw, his charming smile all but gone, as he kept his arms firmly in place inside the car, preventing the man from driving away from him. 

“Hey, I didn’t come all the way here to see you flirting with someone else!” The man snaps at Jared, visibly upset about what is happening. 

There’s a ring with a family picture hanging on his keys, as long as a wedding ring on his finger. Classic client, Jensen thinks. 

“What did you come for, then?” He asks, invading Jared’s personal space until he’s able to put his arms on the car too. 

“Did I ask you a question?” The man said, challenging him with his eyes, but Jensen couldn’t care less. 

“Nah, officers are often the ones asking the questions - not the other way around.” Replied Jensen snarkily.

He could sense the exact moment the man understood what was happening, the moment his face lost all color while is angry glare instantly changed to one of fear.

“I- I was just asking my way around.” 

“Of course you were,” Jensen smirks “Well, now that you found it, you should leave, don’t you think?”

The man nodded frantically before starting his car, not even shooting one last glance towards Jared. 

“You asshole!” Jared yells, trying to shove Jensen off.

But Jared didn’t have time to shove Jensen again before he was pinned to the wall behind him, his arms high above him, immobile, while his legs were spread wide to each side, not giving him enough space to recover his footing as Jensen stepped between them. Jensen instantly regretted pinning him because Jared’s cocky smile was gone, and his face was pale as he trembled in fear as he lowered his head in submission and... acceptance?

Jensen’s entire body shudders with the thought of this not being the first time Jared was put into this position. That maybe - surely, Jared was taken advantage of like this several times, not having any choice but to submit and agree with his attacker.

“I’m sorry,” Jensen says, instantly  releasing him and putting his hands on display in front of him in a placating gesture “It’s an instinct, I’m sorry.” 

“Whatever” Jared mumbles, his bad mood back. He keeps his arms close to his chest, and for the first time, Jensen really feels like he’s facing a child. A scared child. “It was the first car that stopped tonight.” 

“I’m not sorry for keeping you from being raped,” Jensen grumbled.

“What? It’s not a rape. I’m consenting!” 

“You’re not legal, so yes, it’s a rape. And accepting money is still illegal, by the way!” Jensen shouted.

Jared flinched at Jensen's tone and then slumped, a look of utter defeat adamant on his features “You suck” he sighed, sitting on the sidewalk, “I really needed this cash.” 

“Please don’t tell me you’re doing drugs too.” Jensen groaned, feeling slightly guilty for shouting at Jared.

“No,” Jared said, rolling his eyes “I just… Whatever. You did your good action of the day, now you can walk away.” 

It was really tempting, to walk away from Jared and forget this all ever happened, after all, he did his job. But, Jared seemed so lost and miserable that Jensen felt guilty, didn’t he swear an oath to protect and help others? Well, sometimes helping can consist of simply sitting down with someone and listening, letting them talk to you.

Once, he sat with a woman for six straight hours, consoling her after her husband death. Most of his colleges would have leave her, but not him. Putting criminals away isn’t the only part of the job. Even if it was, at the end of the days, they’re all people, trying to survive as best as they can, and the least he can do is offering his help when needed. 

“Come on, tell me why you need it,” He said sitting down next to Jared “Except if it’s illegal, then don’t tell me.” 

Jared laughs a little, and Jensen considers it as a win. 

“I’m hungry” Jared admits “It was rent day three days ago and I had to give all the money that I had earned… earlier, and I couldn’t find any…” He licked his lips, shooting a quick look at Jensen “Any money. One of the girls was working with the police and she sets up a trap for one of her clients, so now no one would stop here.” 

Jensen tried to ignore that Jared had literally just confessed that he was a prostitute and instead focused on what he was saying. He knew about the trap, Derek was the one in charge of it and the case had made the cover of the newspapers; ‘Politician Cheats On Wife With Prostitute.’ 

“When is the last time you ate?” 

“Three days ago,” Jared said, a soft dusting of pink rushing to his cheekbones.

Jensen bit his bottom lip, hoping that he was making a good decision and not just falling in another one of Jared’s traps. 

“There’s a diner a few blocks away, wanna go with me?” 

Jared whole face lit up, and to state the point, his stomach started growling at the same time. 

“Guess it’s a yes then,” Jensen said, casting a grin at Jared. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to leave a comment if you like the story :)


	5. Cheeseburger in Paradise

Jared ordered a double bacon smokehouse burger, two large sets of fries, nuggets, and a vanilla milkshake.

“Seriously?” Jensen said, raising his eyebrows at the amount of food that Jared had gotten.

“We can share if you want,” Jared said slyly.

“Not happening.” Jensen replied grumbling.

“Oh,” Jared said, looking both disappointed and humiliated, “I just… I’m sorry. I didn’t… I’m clean if that’s the problem.”

Jensen paled, silently cursing himself for hurting Jared’s feelings - that wasn’t what he meant at all.

He was about to apologize when Jared burst out laughing as he sprayed out the milkshake onto the table and straight onto Jensen’s face.

“You’re such a little shit!” Jensen said, cleaning his face while laughing “And to think I felt bad for you!” He said chuckling.

“You shouldn’t feel bad for me. I don’t get offended that easily,” Jared replied, his giggling dying down.

“Really?” Jensen said skeptically.

“Yeah, I mean, I’m kind of use of the insults and everything, you know,” Jared said bitterly.

No, he doesn’t know. He has no idea what Jared’s been through, nor what kind of person he is. He had gone out of his way to check the missing person system but found no one matching Jared’s description; which meant that nobody was looking for him.

“Do you get insulted because of your hair?” Jensen said, laughter evident in his tone as he stuck a straw into Jared’s milkshake before drinking it. He couldn’t remember the last time he had one. With a horrified glance at Jared, he realized he was drinking it to fast - ice pricked at his brain as he got a brain freeze, his face contorting into a look of pain, which Jared burst into a fit of giggles at the sight of.

“My hair is fabulous!” Jared exclaimed, brushing his fingers through it as to show his point. “You’re just jealous,” he stated, eyeing Jensen’s short hair.

“I used to have long hair,” Jensen said, rolling his eyes.

“You did?” Jared asked, perplexed.

“Yeah, when I was… 18 I think.” He said smiling at the memory of his mother begging him to cut it, and her gasping in horror when he came back home with it dyed bleach blonde, or green, or pink. But Jared didn’t need to know that.

“I want to see that!” Jared said, giggling and taking another sip of the milkshake through Jensen’s straw, licking it suggestively. “You’re actually not that much of an ass!”

“Really?” Jensen said, amused.

“Yeah, you’re even funny. I thought you were boring”

“Maybe I’m just being nice, so I can arrest you?” Jensen said, but it sounded like a question even to him.

“No,” Jared said confidently “I know you’re not. You would’ve done it already. I’m not sure why you're here though.”

“Not sure either,” Jensen admits shooting Jared a small smile.

He should be at the bar, with his coworkers and his friends, or at his apartment, drinking alone. He shouldn’t be here, in a fast food place, at midnight, with an underage prostitute.

But right now, he’s having more fun than he’s had in a long time. Maybe it’s because Jared doesn’t judge him. He has no idea who Jensen really is, what his childhood was like, or what a pain in the ass he could be. All Jared sees is a police officer who was kind enough to buy him food.

“What were you doing in the street at this hour anyway?” Jared asks, “Isn’t it past your bedtime?”

“You’re the kid here, not me,” Jensen said, laughing at Jared’s poor attempt at a joke.

Jared rolled his eyes while Jensen smiled. If Derek could see him now - smiling and laughing with Jared, he would think Jensen had lost his mind.

“You’re what, 45? Not that old.” Jared said.

“Not even close,” Jensen said. He should probably take offense to the fact that Jared thought he was 10 years older than he actually is, Jensen thought absentmindedly, but it wasn’t the first time he’d been told that. He’s tired most of the time, either from staying up late and working on cases or from drinking himself into a stupor. The dark circles under his eyes never leaving him. He has muscles like a bodybuilder, but he hides them under baggy clothes. He may not be old, but at the rate that he’s been running himself ragged, he looks it.

“44?” Jared guesses again, “Or 43? 43 sounds good.”

“35” Jensen answered.

Jared didn’t bother trying to hide his surprise as he raised his eyebrows. Suddenly, Jared was too close, he had shifted forward close enough that Jensen could feel his breath on his lips as Jared stared at him with such an intensity that Jensen was sure that Jared was trying to read his mind. Jensen shifts uncomfortably, unaware of what to do while Jared’s eyes are glued on him. He doesn’t want to look back, he knows what he’ll see, it’s always the same look: pity, compassion. As if he were fighting some fatal illness; as if he couldn’t do anything about it.

“Your parents ever teach you that staring was rude?” Jensen snaps, snapping Jared out of his thoughts as he moved back and sat in his chair.

“Your parents ever teach you to eat your vegetables?” Jared shot back.

“Oh, because you eat your vegetables?” Jensen said sarcastically.

“No, but I don’t look as old as you do,” Jared said, a smile on his face.

“Well, I guess nobody looks as good as you then,” Jensen said, winking at Jared, and hoping that by giving him a compliment would finally get Jared to stop talking. In all honesty, he should know better by now,  nothing could get Jared to stop talking.

“You’re hot,” Jared admits, “Like, REALLY hot. But you could be a damn supermodel if you took care of yourself. Like sleep more, eat better, drink a glass of water before you go to bed, and-”

“Alright!” He said, cutting Jared off, “I get it. Can we stop now?”

Jared rolls his eyes but stopped talking, focusing instead on finishing his milkshake. Jensen tries not to watch him, but it’s nearly impossible. His eyes are transfixed on the point where the straw meets Jared’s lips. He’s pushing the straw so deep into his mouth that Jensen’s afraid he might choke on it, his sinfully pink lips wrapped around the plastic thing as he pushes it deeper, moaning slightly when he gets the last drop of the milkshake, and continues to take out the straw so he can swallow the ice cream, which catches on the corner of his lips.

Jensen looks away, trying to push away the lustful thoughts forming in his head. He shakes his head, his cheeks pinking. In reality, it wouldn’t be hard to image what Jared would look like on his knees, a dick stretching his sinful lips as his eyes rolling back in pleasure. Jensen squeezes his eyes shut, he’s an adult, Jared is a kid - nothing other than a kid. Jensen isn’t his dad, isn’t that driver from earlier - he’s not any of the men who took advantage of others just because he wanted to.

“Aren’t you too young to be a sergeant?” Jared asked, licking the straw.

“How do you know I’m a sergeant?” Jensen asked, curious.

“I asked first.”

This could actually be a good idea. One question for one question.

“It is, young I mean, but I worked really hard, and I’m really good at my job.”

“Snooty,” Jared accuses, but Jensen ignores him.

“So? How did you find out I’m a sergeant?”

“Because it was written on the report I signed after you interrogated me,” Jared said, smirking smugly.

“Smartass,” Jensen said with no real venom. Jared smiles at his remark, and Jensen can’t hold back his own smile.

“Was your dad a police officer too? It’s the kind of thing you do in a family, right?”

“Most of the time yeah. But not in mine. My father had his own society, and my mother was the mayor of our town.”

“Really? That’s fucking cool!” Jared said, his eyes lighting up.

“Language.” Jensen reprimands him “My turn. Are you a foster kid?”

“Nope,” Jared said simply, “Do you have a girlfriend?”

“No. Did you run away?”

This time, Jared takes a little more time before answering, and Jensen can see that the question makes him uncomfortable. Good. It means he’s onto something.

“Kind of. What are you hidding from?”

“What?” Jensen frowns, confused.

“You said that you work hard, harder than the others. You’re 35 but you look like you’re 45. You’re in a fast food place with a whore instead of being home or out with your friends. No one chooses to live like that just because they want to. So, what are you trying to push away?”

“What are you pushing away?” Jensen snaps back, trying to hide how disturbed he is with the question. He’s not pushing anything away, he’s not fighting anything. It’s his life, nothing else, he chose this life, a long time ago, and it wasn’t because of fear, it wasn’t because he was a coward, it was because it was the best choice.

“Me? A lot of things.” Jared laughs, not caring a little at how personal the question is.

He doesn’t care, but Jensen does. His blood is boiling, and he can feel the anger rising throughout him. Why should he be angry at Jared? For being a smartass? For pointing out everything that's wrong with his life?

“It’s getting late.” Jensen finally says, “I should go home.”

“You’re the boss Daddy!”

Jensen rolls his eyes but doesn’t correct him. He just wants to go home and crawl into his bed. It was a stupid idea to come here in the first place.

He pays the bill and leaves a generous tip for their waitress, and he’s tempted to apologize for coming so late. They’re the only ones here, but Jared ate for at least three people. How can someone so little eat so much? It's beyond Jensen's comprehension.

“Do you live far from here?” He asks as they walk out. It’s colder now, and he’s glad to be wearing his jacket. He can see Jared shivering next to him, trying to warm himself up with his arms.

"Ten minutes I think" Jared says, trying to see exactly where they are

“You’re ok going home alone?” Jensen asks slightly concerned.

“Sure. Are you?”

Jensen doesn’t even bother answering, choosing instead to light his cigarette. It’s too late for Jared to be walking home alone, but he doesn’t want to walk with him either.

“Guess I’ll see you around,” Jared smiled before starting to walk away, making sure to wiggle too much as he does so. Jensen can’t help but laugh at him, and when Jared turns around, he’s laughing too.

“Hey, Jared?” He calls, waiting for the kid to turn towards him again “If you need help one day, you know where to find me, alright?”

“You don’t have to play the hero to get me into your bed, you know?”

Jensen gives him the finger, which leads to Jared laughing even more.

 

 

The walk home is too quiet, too calm, yet, Jensen welcomes the loneliness with open arms. Walking home during a cold night, no other sounds except for his footsteps on the ground, this is what he’s supposed to be doing. He’s not hiding from anything, isn’t pushing anything away, he isn’t scared, isn’t fighting anything. He’s simply living the life he wants to live.

Who is Jared to ask him those questions anyway? He isn’t any better than him, he’s just a runaway kid with a big mouth, one who ended up selling himself on the streets. He has no right to judge Jensen.

 

 

He drinks a glass of water before going to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you're loving it so far :)


	6. Faking My Own Death

A couple years ago, when Jensen was just a newbie in the police department, a woman was brought in after a car accident. It was late at night and she was coming home from work when she lost control of the car and hit a man crossing the road.

It was just another banal case, that is until they started working on the victim’s case. The man was in his late 50’s and worked in a garage and had a wife and a kid. But when they tried to find his file, it didn’t exist. Nothing, No information on him. Not even a birth certificate.

The had to wait 2 weeks before the man woke up, two agents patiently monitoring him the whole time and preventing him from any possible chance of escape. 

Jensen was the one to interrogate him and to this day, he still remembers how sad the man looked, eyes full of tears and regrets.

His name was Jordan Smith, or at least that’s the name he had lived with for the past 10 years. His true name, the one that was in the ‘missing person system’ was Taylor Keynes. The name he had given to his first wife, who had never stopped looking for him, along with his children, who remembered him as the man who read them stories before bed. The man who disappeared one day, without leaving any traces or messages. Taylor Keynes, who was so tired of his life that he decided to build himself a new one. 

Jensen felt bad for him but it was nothing compared to the pain in his wives cries as they both understood what happened. His three children, that had no idea that they had other siblings, wouldn’t even look at him. 

Yet, Jensen ended up envying him. 

Who had never dreamed of disappearing one day, starting a new life - one that you could choose? Taylor had destroyed his two wives and children’s lives, but Jensen wouldn’t destroy anyone's if he left. Derek would probably miss him, but time would cause him to forget him, after all, duty comes first, and he would become but a distant memory of the past.

He thought about it for a long time, but after a while, the idea died slowly. 

But today, sitting at his mom’s house, his brothers in front of him with their wives and their kids - who ran around him laughing and smiling while their parents judged him and the thought niggles in the back of his mind, begging for attention.

He liked the name Dean as a tribute to JD. He wouldn’t be there if it wasn’t because of him. He didn’t know which family name he would choose - probably a gun brand, like Winchester or Colt. He would leave and live a quiet life far away from here, maybe in Australia where he knew no one would look for him.

“Jensen?” His mom asked, dragging him out of his thoughts “Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” He said, a fake smile in place. Should he take his car, or should he burn it? 

“Don’t you want to congratulate your brother?” 

Everybody was looking at him: Josh, who doesn’t bother to hide his disappointment; Natasha, with her ever pouting mouth; and Shawn looking at him awkwardly along with Laurel. He doesn’t even want to look at his mom, he’d rather not know what she thinks of him right now. 

He shot a quick glance at Josh and Natasha. Given the way they were nervously staring at him, they were the ones with the news. Did Josh finally tell Natasha that he had cheated on her? No, he doubted that they would be celebrating if so. 

No, it must be something else. 

His mind raced with the possibilities, knowing every second he wasted was crucial. Then it hit him when he glanced down and saw Natasha’s hand resting protectively over her belly.

“You’re having a baby?” He asks, throat tightening with guilt and sadness. Sadness for Natasha, for the kids that are here and for the baby who’s yet to come. 

“Yes! We are,” Natasha replies happily while smiling beautifully at her husband like he meant the world to her, which he probably does. But would she still love him if she knew the truth?

“Congratulations,” He tells them, fake excitement falling flat, “How far along are you?” 

“Two months. I know it’s really early, and we shouldn’t really tell you, but we were so excited. I mean, we’re still keeping it within the family, and the kids don’t know.” 

“I’m so happy for you!” Laurel says, taking Natasha's hands. 

They’ve always been close, shopping together, organizing dinner together, and planning family vacations together - ones to which Jensen was never invited to.

They’d even gotten pregnant together for Natasha’s second baby and Laurel’s first. He used to joke with Derek that one day they’d both leave their husbands to live and love each other somewhere else.

“You know Jensen, it’s half thanks to you,” Natasha smiles at him - Or tries to, anyway. She never liked him. 

“Me?” 

“Yes you, silly!” She laughs, “Josh was so happy after the night you spent together, that he woke me up when he got home, and…You know…” 

Josh and Shawn laugh while the girls blushed furiously - as if the idea of sex was still something that made them feel awkward. At first, Jensen thinks that Natasha is talking about the night where his brother came to his work to report his missing car, which was found almost immediately in another part of town, and Jensen’s boss offered for him to go with Jensen. 

His brother wouldn’t stop giggling because of the beacon, and even Jensen had to admit it was a fun night. 

While they were taking the car back, Jensen took a look at the Cafe in front of them. He wasn’t even surprised to see Jared inside, another man with him. He had tried to act as natural as possible and couldn’t stamp down the smug smirk when he saw that Jared wouldn’t stop looking at him and a small grin graced his face when he saw a clearly written “Daddy  ♥ ” in the mist on the windows after they'd left. He doesn’t know why they keep meeting, but he won’t say that it’s not nice either. Jared may be a brat, but he’s also funny, and Jensen is starting to enjoy the kid presence. 

But that was only a month ago, not two. 

Two months ago, however, was their little trip to the nightclub, where he had found his brother fucking a no-name girl in a filthy bathroom.

“Excuse me,” He said, not caring that the conversation had already moved on. 

He needed to be alone, needed to get as far as possible from his revolting brother, who had such a low level of respect for his fucking _wife_ that he had the nerve to sleep with her right after he fucked some whore in a public bathroom.

Did he even use a condom while he was with this whore? Or did he fuck her bare? Did he still smell of her when he went to their bedroom, did he still smell of her while he kissed his children goodnight? Did he even feel guilty? Because Jensen does, so much.

“Hey, you ok?” 

It’s Shawn, worried for him yet again.

Out of all the people in his family, Shawn may just as well be the only one who wholeheartedly cares about Jensen. They didn’t have a close relationship but Jensen knew that if he were to fall, Shawn would be there to pick him up, dust him off, and offer his support.

He called Shawn one night after he had too much to drink. He was a mess, to say the least, tears clogging his throat and begging for forgiveness, for acceptance. He has promised that he’d never meant to destroy his life like that, Shawn was just a kid, and Jensen had destroyed him. He was speaking nonsense about everything and nothing.  He was crying for Nancy, for his mom, for his brothers, for Justin, for his dad too, and most of all, for himself. 

Shawn drove for an hour straight, in the middle of the night, just to comfort him. They barely talked when he got there but sometimes, just the presence of someone is enough to make you feel better. 

Maybe this is why Jensen never left. Maybe some part of him still loves this brother, this innocent brother to whom he could have been close with if things had gone differently. Another regret, another failure.

“I’m fine.”

Shawn smiles before sitting next to Jensen on the floor, the fresh grass making their pants wet. There are two chairs behind them, waiting patiently for someone to sit on them, but Jensen always preferred the floor. 

“I’m worried for the baby, too. I mean, those children are monsters.” 

“God knows they are,” Jensen replies, shaking his head in disappointment.

They both laugh, the atmosphere becoming lighter instantaneously. 

Jensen closes his eyes, enjoying the cold air against his face. It’s only September, but the weather is already chilly, and he has no doubt that in a few days, they will have to wear their warmer clothes again. 

“Come on Jensen, you know you can trust me.” 

He knows he can. If there’s one person besides Derek that he can trust, it’s Shawn. But what’s the point? Sharing the guilt with someone else? He doesn’t think Shawn can contain it. And even if he did, what if he lets it slip accidentally? Telling Derek was already risky, but it’s nothing compared to Shawn. 

A small part of him wants to tell him everything, to share what happened, and maybe, just maybe, not to be the one held responsible this time. 

“I can’t tell you. I’m sorry.” 

“You can’t, or you don’t want to?” 

“Both,” Jensen grimaces, “I just… It wouldn’t be fair to you.”

“When has life ever been fair?” Shawn laughs, and Jensen can’t help but smile. 

Jensen zoned out as he thought about the implications of telling Shawn.

“Your phone is ringing,” Shawn says, snapping Jensen from his thoughts.

“Huh?” 

“Your phone. It’s ringing.” 

He frowns and takes his phone out of his pocket. It’s Saturday, and he’s not on the weekend squad this week, and yet, he can see his boss’ number appearing on his screen. 

“I’ll be right back,” He tells Shawn before walking away, “Sir?”

“Ackles, sorry to disturb you, but we need you to come here.”

“Why? What’s happening?” He’s already grabbing his jacket, ignoring his mom who’s asking him where he’s going.

“There’s someone here, a boy, he says he knows you, that you’re friends or something.”

“A boy?” 

“Yeah, uh, his name is Jared? That sound familiar to you?” 

His heart stops immediately. Why would Jared ask for him? And most of all, why would Jared go to the police station? 

“I’m on my way.” 

 


	7. What If She's an Angel

At first sight, Jeffrey Dean Morgan is terrifying. He’s tall, rough, talks as if he's yelling, and could kick your ass in three seconds flat. 

The first time Jensen had met him was when he was sent to the ‘High-Risk Teen Program’ when he was 15. 

He’d never done anything wrong, but his teachers were suspicious and worried that it was only a matter of time before he and Justin had decided to do something stupid. In hindsight, Jensen admits that they were right. Justin and he had planned on stealing one of their teacher's cars before dumping it into the lake. It might’ve not been the worst crime, but it would’ve been enough for them to have a criminal record.

The program had only lasted for a day, but within that time frame, JD had scared the crap out of him. He had never thought about doing anything illegal after that. He often wonders what would’ve happened if Justin had been the one sent to the program with JD instead of him. Maybe then Justin would’ve calmed down and wouldn’t have done half the shit he did. Maybe Jensen would’ve done those things instead. 

The second time he saw JD was when he was 20, living in his car, without a place to go. He had been eating in his car when JD had knocked on his window and after half an hour of conversation, Jensen had been convinced into going to a one-day-training trial at the Police Academy. He had ended up loving the adrenaline rush and the danger of the job and next thing he knew JD had offered to pay for the rest of his tuition, and six months later he had become a police officer. 

Jeffrey Dean Morgan is scary but it’s only an illusion. He’s friendly, kind, and would change your life in less than a minute if you met him. 

*** 

“Care to tell me why a prostitute wants to see you?” JD asked as soon as Jensen entered the police station. 

“Long story,” Jensen sighed, walking in the direction of the interrogation room, only to be stopped by JD, “What?” 

“He ain’t here. Go to the infirmary.” 

“The infirmary? Why?” 

“Your boy had a rough night...” JD gave him a clap on the back before leaving him to go work on his own cases. 

What could’ve happened to Jared? A lot of things. So many that Jensen knows about far too well - that he doesn’t want to happen to anyone, certainly not to Jared. The kid may be a little brat - always joking and provoking him, but Jensen couldn’t deny that he was kind of funny and friendly. Jensen shook his head, getting rid of that thought. Jared isn’t his friend. Not even a little. He’s just a lost kid. Nothing else. Where had it come from anyways? Their “relationship” doesn’t matter. Even if Jensen had hated him, he wouldn’t have wanted him to get hurt. 

“Olivia!” He yelled, running after the nurse who had just left the room, “Is Jared in there? Can I see him?” 

“Hey Jensen,” She said, smiling as always, but he can see the blood on her blouse and there’s something off in her eyes. “I’ll need to ask him if it’s ok. Let me grab some water first, alright?” 

“Yeah, sure,” He said, trying to sound as calm as possible, but he’s starting to get pissed that no one will tell him what’s going on. Why would she need to ask him, anyway? He’s the one who asked Jensen to come in the first place! His mind was whirling with different scenarios, each one worse than the last. How bad was he hurt? If his injuries were too intensive they would’ve sent him to the hospital, wouldn’t they? 

“You can come in,” Olivia said, opening the door, “I’ll wait outside.” He thanked her before closing the door, making sure that no one will disturb them. 

Jared was sitting in a chair with a blanket on his back. One of his eyes was swollen, and his bottom lip was split, blood still pouring from it. The first thing Jensen notices is how small Jared looks. He doesn’t know exactly how old Jared is but right now he looked as young and innocent as a ten-year-old. 

He didn’t know what to say - or do for that matter. Anyone who had met Jensen would admit, straight-out, that empathy isn’t really his thing. He doesn’t know how to comfort people, or what to do to make them feel better. 

He doesn’t think Jared had much of a choice apart from him though. 

“You look like hell,” He finally says. Jared attempts to smile but the pain is too imminent, and he fails miserably. 

“Still look better than you,” Jared replies, smile wobbling on his face. 

Jensen laughed before sitting on the chair in front of him. There are bruises all over Jared’s knees, and even though he can’t see past his thighs, it’s not hard to imagine that they’re covered in them too. 

“I’m sorry for asking you to come,” Jared said, looking anywhere except at Jensen, “I- You said I could come if I needed help, and I-I didn’t know what to do...” 

It’s the first time that Jared had looked sincere and truly sorry; the fact that he feels sorry for asking Jensen for help makes him feel sick.

“Don't you EVER regret asking me for help. You did the right thing.” Jensen whispered, dead serious.

Jared gave him a weak smile and pulled the blanket tighter around himself. 

“Are you hungry?” Jensen asked, taking a chocolate bar out of his pocket, “Don’t worry, I’ve only had it in my pocket since this morning.” 

“Thanks, but I-I don’t think I can eat right now...” 

Jensen felt like a total ass, as he threw the chocolate bar in the trash next to the desk. Of course, Jared can’t eat - the boy’s face didn’t really look like eating food would be a painless task. Jensen wouldn’t be surprised if Jared was missing a tooth. 

“I don’t- I don’t really know why I’m here Jared. I can’t help you...” 

Jared’s entire body language shifted, and for a few seconds, he seemed disappointed; as if he was expecting something from Jensen. But then he could practically see his walls go back up, his composure shifted to a happy smile, which looked like more of a grimace. 

The little boy is once again gone, locked away. 

“Yeah I know, I just needed some painkillers and they wouldn’t have given them to me if I hadn’t mentioned you.” He got up gingerly, pain evident in the tense line of his shoulders. Jensen wanted to reach out and help him but he didn’t. 

“You sure you don’t want to go to the hospital?” 

“Nah, nothing I haven’t had before,” Jared smiled, “Sorry for disturbing you, though.” 

“Not a problem kiddo.” 

He got up and opened the door for Jared. He wished he could do something else to help, but there was nothing he could do. The protocol said to call child services when a minor is brought into the station. But he knows that it wouldn’t be the right solution for Jared; He was too old to adopt - even if he wasn’t they still didn’t know who, or where his parents are. He could go to foster care but considering his current state, and the fact that he’s a prostitute, Jensen doubted Jared’s life could get any better. At least Jared had a roof over his head - where he would be able to heal without anyone disturbing him - or so Jensen hopes. 

Jared limped towards the door, even though it’s obvious he’s trying to hide it. He turns around and faces Jensen one last time, holding the blanket closer to him. “Do you think I can keep the blanket?” 

“Don’t you have one at your place?” He could see the way Jared tensed at his words, and the knot in Jensen's stomach only grew. He didn’t intend to be mean or to hurt Jared’s feelings. It was just a question, nothing else. 

“I do,” Jared said, taking the blanket off of his back and handing it to Jensen. 

The bruises don’t only go up to his thighs, his stomach is covered in them, and so are his arms. There are traces of bite marks on his neck, and his clothes are torn apart. 

“See you around.” 

With that, Jared is gone, and Jensen doesn’t do anything to stop him. What should he do? Run after Jared and invite him to his home? This isn’t a damn soap opera, he’s a police officer and Jared isn’t his friend. He can’t just ask him to come with him. How would it look if a police officer invited a prostitute to live with him? 

He felt bad for Jared, but this was out of his hands. He’s sure that Jared could figure out things on his own. He hoped so, anyway. 

“You let him go?” JD asked. 

“Can’t do anything else.” 

“Homeless shelter?” 

“They’re not taking anyone anymore.” 

“Foster care?” 

“Have you heard him talk? The guy can’t shut his mouth.” 

“Poor kid,” JD says, “Can you imagine, being hurt and having nowhere to go?” Yes, he does, and JD knows it. He’d never been as hurt as Jared- not even close, but he could still relate to him. 

“Asshole,” He groans to JD before walking away. He can hear JD laughing behind him, but he doesn’t turn around. He walks as fast as he can without looking too suspicious. He could already see the mess he was getting himself into, could see it clear as day in fact. This was a bad idea, and he had no reason - no obligation to do it. Jared isn’t the first lost kid he’d ever seen, but he’s the first one who had asked Jensen for help. 

He spots Jared right away and starts sprinting after him, ignoring the way some of his colleagues are looking at him. 

“Jared!” He yells, “Jared!” Jared turns around a confused look on his face. 

“I have a room,” Jensen blurts out, “I mean, in my apartment. I have a second room.” 

“Ok?” Jared said, still not understanding what Jensen was saying. 

“You can sleep in it.” 

“Oh,” Jared shifted awkwardly, his arms crossed protectively around himself, “I don’t- I don’t know...” 

“Come on. One night. And you can leave whenever you want.” 

Jared licked his lips, looking around him as if the answer was written somewhere on the street. 

“I-Yeah, ok,” He finally says, “I’ll come with you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all still love it.   
> Next chapter will be from Jared P.O.V ;)


	8. One Day You Will

Jared used to live in a huge house. It was the kind of house that you would see in the movies, with your classic American white-picket fence, and flower beds near the porch, each more beautiful than the last. It had two bathrooms, four bedrooms, and a recreational room. It was the type of home that always had warm cookies, ready to be served, a constant warm vanilla scent wafting through the air.

Now he owns a tiny room below a strip club. One where he performs every once in a while when he needs cash, he lets old men rub their hands - and sometimes other… parts - on him. There are no flowers there, no sun, and all you could smell was dirt, sweat, and sperm. Yet, he’s happier in that seedy little room than he has been at his so-called ‘home.’

Jensen’s apartment isn’t as big as his house was, but it isn’t as small as his apartment either. It's just the right amount of space that someone would need to function properly, with room to spare. There are two rooms, a bathroom with a tub, a living room and a kitchen. Once they got there, Jensen told him that he could eat whatever he wanted, he wonders if that included beer too.

“There’s a tv here. I don’t watch it often, but feel free to use it,” Jensen said, showing him the remote control next to the tv.

He doesn’t know why Jensen is showing him all of this, but he doesn’t ask. Usually, his clients are very direct about what they want. Sometimes they want to be tied up on a bed for hours, sometimes they want to tie him up. They might want to be used or to use him. There’s no place for discussion when he does this, it doesn’t matter if he wants or doesn’t want it. He’s there to satisfy them, to let them forget their shitty lives for a while and get them to feel good, whether he wants it or not.

He doesn’t know what Jensen wants, doesn’t know why he asked him to come to his apartment - he doesn’t know why he agreed.  

Actually, he knew why he agreed - because getting fucked in a bed is far more comfortable than suffering in the cold street.

“Do you want something to drink?” Jensen offered 

“Can I have a beer?” He asked hopefully.

“Orange juice or water?”

“Orange juice,” He grumbled jokingly.

Jensen smirked before disappearing into the kitchen, leaving Jared alone in the living room. There are a few boxes on the floors with the initials ‘JA’ written on them. Maybe Jensen moved in recently? But he glanced to the right and saw a bunch of pictures standing on coffee tables, dressers, etc. and he sees that the calendar on the wall is open on september 2017, even though it’s actually september of 2018, which means that Jensen has been here for _at least_ a year.

Maybe he was moving out? He wondered, Jensen isn’t happy here - that fact is obvious. Jared sees lots of sad men in his life, whether it was because they felt trapped by working at home, or from being lonely, none of them had looked as sad as Jensen does. On second thought, sad wasn’t the right word for it, more like… disappointed - as if you were to go somewhere expecting to have fun but end up wanting to go home after a few minutes. That’s what Jenssen looked like - like someone who really wanted to go home.

He wondered briefly if Jensen would agree to just drop him off somewhere along the road. He needs to leave town and never come back. He doesn't think Jensen would agree though, he’s lucky that Jensen had offered him a place to stay in the first place.

“Here you go,” Jensen said, giving Jared his drink.

“Thanks,” He says quietly.

They stand awkwardly in front of each other, neither of them knowing what to say or do. Jared’s body is screaming for him to sit down, but he doesn’t want to piss Jensen off. He knows far too well what it feels like to piss off a client, and he had already had enough pain for one night. Jensen isn’t a client, but Jared isn’t a fool - when someone offers you a place to stay for the night they expect more from you than for you to just sleep.

Any other time he would’ve jumped at the occasion, Jensen is **hot** \- hotter than most of his clients. Even though he seems intimidating and unkind he was nice enough to buy him food and allegedly invited him into his home. He couldn’t remember the last time someone let him order whatever he wanted without expecting at least a blowjob after.

But all he wants to do tonight is lay down and sleep for two days straight. He only hopes that Jensen wouldn’t ask him for anything he couldn’t do properly. He’d do whatever Jensen wanted him to do, but his lips and mouth were all ut ruined at the moment and he couldn’t even get on all fours, his legs were too battered and ached in pain. His mind was foggy and he felt as if he was gonna faint at any moment. He’s scared of what his reaction would be once they were laying in bed naked together. He knows how he could react, had suffered from it before, but he couldn't afford it tonight.

Maybe he could just lay down and let Jensen fuck him? God he hoped so.

“You wanna take a shower? Get clean and everything?”

He shivers happily with the thought of a hot shower. He’d been on the street almost all day, and he couldn’t think of anything better than feeling warm again.

“Yeah, please, that would be great,” Jared said with a small smile 

Jared attempted to walk towards the bathroom but his knees buckled and the ground came rushing up. Just when he thought he would hit the floor a pair of strong arms caught him around his waist.

“Thanks,” Jared said breathlessly.

‘Don’t worry about it,” Jensen said with a smile.

Jensen helped him to the bathroom, giving him a towel and showing him where the soap is.

“Is it okay if i come in to drop off some clothes while you shower?” Jensen asked, hesitant. 

He doesn’t know what kind of clothes Jensen is talking about. What was Jensen’s kink? Was it panties? Latex? He once had a client who’d asked him to dress as a bear. He’s pretty sure Jensen isn’t into that kind of thing, but he knows better than to judge a book by its cover. 

Either way, he couldn’t care less if Jensen was coming into the room or not.

“It’s your home so feel free to do what you want,” Jared said, note of confusion clear in his tone.

Jensen frowned as if he wanted to correct Jared, but he doesn’t, choosing instead to show him how the shower works.

“Do you need help getting undressed?” Jensen asked.

“Dunno. You wanna help me?” He asked in a sweet voice.

“No,” Jensen said, visibly upset, “Guess you can do it on your own then.” With that, Jensen walks out of the room, leaving Jared alone again.

Jared’s throat tightens and he could feel his stomach twisting weirdly. Jensen’s stare was full of disgust, as if Jared was so ugly that he couldn’t even look at him. It’s not the first time Jensen had looked at him that way, and that’s why he thought Jensen wouldn’t even try to do anything with him. Who would want to have sex with someone who disgusts them.

He tries to get undressed as best as he can - he probably could’ve used Jensen’s help but he had to fuck it up. The feeling of the clothes scraping against his abused skin sent waves of pain through him.

He steps into the shower and turns the water on, it turning brown from the dirt and blood that caked his body. It felt good, so good that he decided to wash his hair, hoping that Jensen didn’t plan on going anywhere near it.

The soap on his skin doesn’t feel as good as the water and he hisses from the sting of it. The nurse at the police station took good care of him, but she didn’t take care of _all_ of his injuries. Slowly, he dragged his fingers closer to his ass, trying to push the blood away. The man had just shoved something into his ass - Jared still isn’t sure what it was - and it pretty much destroyed him.

The first touch of his finger to his rim makes his whole body freeze, the pain unbearable. He pushed through it and kept going, he could still hear the man behind him, feel his hot breath, and could feel his disgusting body against his - he doesn’t want to remember, he wants to push the memories as far as his mind would allow him to, and to bury it, never needing to think about it again.

He wants to forget, but all he succeeds in doing is letting out a loud, ugly cry that he quickly tries to stifle by shoving a fist into his mouth to bite back the sobs. But it was too late, Jensen had heard.

Jensen knocked slightly on the door.

“Jared? You okay? Can I come in to drop off some clothes?” Jensen asked.

“S-sure,” Jared says stuttering as he hides behind the thickly fogged glass.

Jensen opens the door and sets down the clothes before quietly shutting the door again.

He waits a couple minutes, letting his body and mind calm down before continuing his inspection. He sighs in relief when he doesn't find any evidence of tearing. It's just blood from cuts on his ass and maybe his rim. Good, he’ll be able to satisfy Jensen.

Once he’s sure he’s all clean and open, he steps out of the shower and starts drying himself.

He frowns when he sees the clothes. Jensen must have made a mistake, and he’s almost tempted to go out and find him. He doesn’t, though. Sometimes, people have weird fantasies and it’s his duty not to say anything about it.

He struggles to pull on the grey joggers and the Led Zeppelin shirt that was two sizes too big for him and hung of his frame, exposing the bruises on his right shoulder - which he unsuccessfully tried to hide. The clothes are warm and comfy, the warmth giving him the feeling as if he were on the receiving end of a full-body hug. He let himself enjoy it, taking in Jensen’s musky scent. There’s also a pair of socks waiting for him, which he pulls on rapidly before heading to the living room.

“Jensen?”

“Oh, hey,” Jensen said from the kitchen, “Uh, I didn’t know what you could eat because of your throat - not that I mean - I just - nevermind. I made chicken soup. Is that ok?”

“Y-Yeah, it’s great!” Jared said nervously.

“Cool. Sit on the couch, I’m almost done.”

Jared does as he was told, waiting patiently for Jensen to finish. He has no idea what Jensen’s kink is - does he want to have sex with Jared with his clothes on? He doesn’t seem to be narcissistic, but then again, you never know. Even if that was the case though, what’s up with the soup?

It’s weird - none of his clients had ever taken care of him - everything was so odd. What if Jensen had a baby kink? One of his coworkers, Nina, told him that a man had once asked her to wear diapers and to act like a baby. The best part was that it wasn’t sexual but the downside was that it was fucking creepy as hell. He likes to call his clients daddy and for them to call him baby, but acting like an actual baby? Yeh, that’s definitely not his thing. 

But he will play his part if that’s what Jensen really wants. He can’t go back to his apartment anymore and he’s far too tired to go back onto the streets. He’s too scared to, although he’d never say it outloud. His apartment used to be his happy place, now - now, well it’s just another bad memory. Another place where he was abused.

“Here,” Jensen said, handing Jared a bowl of soup before sitting on the armchair next to the couch.

“Careful, it’s a bit hot. I don’t cook very often, but I hope it’s still good.”

“I’m sure it is” Jared said, trying to reassure him.

Jensen had a bowl too, as well as his beer and Jared really, _really_ wished that babies were allowed to drink beer to. Would he be allowed if he put it into a baby bottle?

“Fine. But only one swallow,” Jensen orders, giving his beer to Jared.

He closes his eyes in pleasure as the cool liquid flows down his throat, he almost moans from the euphoric feeling. The beer tastes good, and makes him feel a bit fuzzy, which makes the pain more tolerable and the memories less coherent.

“You up for a movie? Maybe it could, you know, change your mind and everything?” Jensen asked.

“Yeah, that would be great!” He answers back nervously.

Jensen turns on the tv and starts pressing almost every button, causing Jared to be a little perplexed.

After almost ten minutes Jensen had finally succeeded in what he had wanted to do - if the smile on his face was anything to go by.

The ‘NETFLIX’ logo appeared on-screen and Jared watched as Jensen put in the passowrd. Apparently, they’re using Derek’s profile, and Jared gave Jensen a funny look.

“Yeah, I’m not paying for that shit. Derek gave me his password.”

“That’s nice.”

“He’s a nice guy.”

Jensen’s voice has an underlying condescending tone. Jared’s reaction was flushing red, cheeks burning while he remembered how much of a bitch he was to Jensen’s friend. Well, you gotta do what you gotta do - he wouldn’t apologize for it. Actually, maybe he should, he isn’t sure. Does Jensen want him to apologize? He’d gladly do it if it means that Jensen would let him stay the night. He doesn’t know if that man is still looking for him, but just the thought of leaving the apartment sent shivers down his spine.

“Are you cold? I can give you a blanket if you want.” Jensen said, noticing his shiver.

Jared doesn’t have time to answer before Jensen throws a blanket over him. He seems really stressed out and awkward. Jared doesn’t say anything and just accepts the warmth.

He doesn’t know what Jensen’s kink is, but for now, he kind of loves it.


	9. Time Has Come Today

When Jensen woke up, for a brief moment he had forgotten about Jared. It was a peaceful moment in which his life had never been turned upside down; where he didn’t have to deal with anything except his own business. But reality came crashing down way too fast; memories from the night before flooding his mind.

He won't say Jared is the problem - _god no_ \- sure, he made some inappropriate advances a couple times last night, but other than that he was surprisingly respectful and quiet. Jared isn’t the problem, it’s what he is that is one. He’s a teenager (15? 16? Jensen still doesn’t know) who had run away from home before selling himself on the street. If there’s a place where he _shouldn’t be_ it’s here - in a police officer’s home. They could both get in trouble for it and Jensen is far too aware of it. He’s also aware that if they do get in trouble, Jared could easily lie and say that Jensen paid him to do it - and that would be the end of Jensen’s career. He can’t trust Jared, and that should’ve been the only fact he had considered when he was thinking about inviting Jared into his home.

He rolls out of bed with a sigh and gets dressed. He tries to be as quiet as possible when entering the kitchen, Jared being still asleep on the couch. He had fallen asleep during the movie and Jensen didn’t have the heart to wake him up. He could’ve carried him but considering how badly Jared was injured he couldn’t do so without hurting him in the process.

Jensen paused near the entrance to the living room, looking at the sleeping boy for a while. He looked peaceful, the huge blanket that Jensen had covered him with swallowing his body, making him look smaller than usual. Watching him with a rictus on his face, swallowed by Jensen’s too-big clothes, the only word Jensen could think of to describe him was adorable.

“Hey,” Jared said, slowly opening his eyes, “What time is it?”

“Almost nine. You can sleep more, if you’d like.”

Jared shook his head before rubbing his eyes with the backs of his hands. He then stopped, looking around him frowning; he had probably just now remembered where he was.

“Did we fuck?” He asks, “I mean, after I fell asleep?”

“You’re asking me if I fucked you while you were sleeping?”

“Yeah?”

“Jesus Christ, no!” Jensen says, his face twisting in disgust. Why the hell would he do that? Why would anyone would do that?

Jared flushed down to his neck, and he dropped his eyes to the floor. Jared’s expression wasn’t shame or embarrassment, it was something else that Jensen couldn’t put his finger on. Not that he cares - Jared will be gone at the end of the day, and after that he kind of hopes that they won’t see each other again. As much as he enjoyed their little interactions he knows that this won’t end well, and he has a feeling Jared knows that too.

“Want a cup of coffee?” He asked, breaking the silence.

“No,” Jared grimaced, “Could I have orange juice? Please?”

“Sure,” Jensen laughs, serving him a glass of juice while making himself some coffee.

Usually his breakfast is only made up of coffee, but Jared needs energy, which means that he needs to eat, and that Jensen needs to cook.

Now, he won’t say he’s a bad cook, but aside from sandwiches, his skills are pretty low.

He found a recipe for pancakes online, and he figured that as long as he followed it, he wouldn’t do any damage to his kitchen or their stomachs.

“Do you need help?” Jared asked, sitting at the counter

“I got it,” Jensen replies, focusing on making the pancakes.

He holds his breath as he places the first one onto the plate, cutting a piece of it before tasting it. It’s a little on the crispy side, but apart from that, he did a pretty good job.

He smiles proudly and finishes cooking the others, glancing from time to time at Jared. He looks better than last night, the sleep having done him some good, but his eyes are darker than yesterday. Jensen will need to take a look at his injuries before Jared leaves.

“Here you go,” He says, placing the plate full of food in front of Jared, “Not the best breakfast, but we’ll eat more at lunch.”

“That smells great,” Jared admits, “It’s been year since I ate pancakes.”

“Me too,” Jensen sighs, sitting in front of Jared, “My mom didn’t have time to make us breakfast, and my dad hated cooking, so we only ate cereal.”

He doesn’t know why he’s sharing that with Jared. It’s not interesting, but it’s a personal story, and he’s not the sharing type. Work and personal life are two different things, the problem is that he doesn’t know which one Jared belongs to.

“My mom used to make huge breakfasts every day. Like, really huge. She could have fed the whole neighborhood.”

“She did?”

“Yeah, she just, you know, tried to be the perfect wife, like in the magazines and all that shit?”

Yes, Jensen knows. His mom did the same thing after the affair with his dad. Sure, she didn’t make breakfast or anything like that, but she stood at his side, defending him over and over, even though she didn’t have feelings for him anymore. Looking back, Jensen is almost sure that she hadn’t been in love with his father even before that.

He’s not at all surprised that Jared comes from a ‘good’ family. While it’s true that most prostitutes come from bad family lives, and poor neighborhoods, a lot of them are from rich families too, either forced to sell themselves to buy drugs after daddy and mommy stopped paying for them or trying to get someone to care about them.

Sometimes, people seem to forget that money can’t buy the love and attention a child needs.

But Jared isn’t a drug addict, and the way he talks about his mom trying to be the perfect wife lets him know that things weren’t as good as they seemed.

“Do you miss her?” He asks.

“No.”

Jared’s answer is quick and cold, and Jensen can see the exact moment when Jared chose to put on a mask again. He cursed himself for overstepping, but doesn’t say anything. Apologizing would only make things worse.

“Are you moving out?” Jared asks after a while, pointing to the boxes behind them.

“Oh, uh - no,” Jensen admits, “I just never finished unpacking...”

“Oh, ok.”

He shot Jared a small smile before sipping his coffee. He took a look around him and could see where the confusion came from. He’d been living in the apartment for almost six years, but he’d never found the time to unpack, or to place any keepsakes to make his apartment look homey.

It’s not that he doesn’t like his apartment - he just doesn’t want to get too comfortable if he has to leave one day.

“Why do you ask?” He questioned, focusing on Jared again.

“I need a ride out of town, and I thought you were leaving,” Jared replies simply, biting into his pancakes again.

Knowing that Jared was leaving turned out to be far more painful than he had anticipated.  He thought that even if they weren’t able to talk or see each other, he could still know if Jared was okay via his co-workers. But now he won’t be able to know anything, not even where Jared is.

“Is it about last night? Are you in trouble?”

“Kind of,” Jared said, licking his lips before shaking his head, “It doesn’t matter. I’ll figure it out.”

“I can drive you, if you want.”

Jared lifted his head in surprise, and Jensen was tempted to do the same.  He really needs to think before talking, but with Jared his brain-to-mouth filter seems to have vanished completely - which was pretty much the opposite of his usual self.

“You can?”

“Yeah. Where do you want to go?”

“I don’t know,” Jared admitted, “I thought I would just take a bus, then another, and another, until I was far enough...”

He doesn’t know what kind of trouble Jared is in, but if it’s making him leave everything like that, it must be pretty bad.

Maybe someone saw them together. God knows what happens to criminals that are seen with police officers. Even more so when they’re having fun with them like Jared and him were back at the dinner.

His whole body froze when he thought that he might’ve been the cause of what had happened to Jared. He doesn’t complain, but Jensen isn’t dumb enough not to know the pain that Jared must be in.

“Is it because of me?” He asks “I mean, because someone saw us together?”

He doesn’t want it to be because of him. He doesn’t want to be the reason that someone’s life is ruined again. Why does everyone close to him get hurt because of him? His dad was right when he said that Jensen only brought disaster to people’s lives.

“What? No,” Jared said, “It’s just… A client.”

“Then why did you ask to see me? You made them call me, and I still don’t know why. If you’re in trouble because of me-“

“Because I needed someone to protect me!” Jared says, speaking a little lourder, “I- I was scared, and I- I didn’t know where to go, but I-I felt protected, when I was with you, and I… I didn’t… I didn’t want to be scared anymore...”

His voice broke at the end, and Jensen watched him, powerless, as he the rubbed tears from his eyes. He wished he could make Jared stop crying, could make his life easier, but he can’t.

He doesn’t know if the fact that his presence made Jared feel safe was a good thing or not. On one hand, it seems pathetic and sad, he didn’t do anything for Jared to feel safe with him apart from buying him food. On the other hand, he gets it; He’s a police officer, he knows how to defend himself, others, and he doesn’t get scared easily. Jared was probably aware of that, but at the end of the day, the main reason Jared called him was because he had no one else.

“Come on, finish your breakfast. I’ll check your injuries afterwards.”

“Can I have more pancakes?”

“Yeah, of course you can,” Jensen said, offering Jared a warm smile.

He’d make sure that Jared was well fed and dressed before dropping him off wherever he wants. It’s the least he can do.


	10. Let The Good Times Roll

After breakfast, Jensen checked Jared’s injuries - as promised. He made sure to be as gentle as possible, but the injuries were deep and harsh. There was no mistaking that the person who did this wanted to hurt Jared. How could someone do that? How could you look at someone as young and small as Jared and assume it was right to hurt them.

Jared hadn’t even winced while Jensen was cleaning his wounds, but he noticed how he was holding onto the sweatshirt Jensen gave him a little harder.

“Do you want to go to your apartment? Get some stuff?” Jensen asked, trying to distract Jared.

“No, it’s fine.”

“You don’t have any clothes.”

“I’ll find some,” Jared said, “I just need to make some money. It won’t be too hard.”

The thought of Jared being alone on the streets, and selling his body while he was so badly hurt, sent a wave of nausea throughout Jensen. He shouldn’t do anything - it wasn’t his place. He just needed to drive Jared where he wants and to drop him off and leave him there - nothing more, nothing less.

“We can go and buy you some stuff if you want.”

If he could, he would slap himself in the face until he passed out.

“You wanna be my Sugar Daddy?” Jared asked in a sweet voice, rubbing his foot against Jensen’s lap.

It would’ve been sexy if not for the enormous bruise on his poor little foot. Jensen shook his head, knowing full well that Jared wasn’t wrong. He doesn’t want to be his sugar daddy, but he’s sure that buying Jared clothes and letting him sleep in his apartment makes him one. Well - almost.

“You can’t just say thanks and let it go, can you?” Jensen asked, chuckling.

“Nah. It’s funnier this way,” Jared winked, a smirk appearing on his face.

Jensen rolled his eyes before sliding Jared’s foot out of his lap. He walked to his closet and got a pair of basketball shorts for Jared. They’re way too big for him, but it would have to do for now.

“This is so not sexy,” Jared complained, looking at himself in the mirror, “I look like a grumpy teenager!”

“Which you’re totally not,” Jensen said, opening the door.

Jared stuck out his tongue before walking out of the apartment, closely followed by Jensen. At least his wounds weren’t bad enough to take away his sassy attitude. Jensen wasn’t sure if that was a good thing. How many times do you have to be abused before it doesn’t matter anymore? It’s an act of course, but Jared plays it so well - with such a simplicity that Jensen was willing to believe him.

He unlocked the doors of his Lexus GS300 and started to get in, but when he glanced over at Jared he found him walking towards the Impala.

“What are you doing?” He asked.

“Is this your car?” Jared asked, pointing to the Impala.

“Yeah, this is a private garage. They’re both mine.”

“Can we take this one?”

“No. I’ve only had her for a few months, I still need to work on her, I’m not even sure she would start.”

“Come on, please?” Jared pleaded, pouting.

“I said no.”

“Pretty please?” Jared asked again, batting his eyelashes in Jensen’s direction.

Jensen wanted to say no - he should say no, but Jared was looking at him with his big, sad puppy dog eyes, and he’s not sure why he didn't want to drive the car anyway. What was the point of having her if he wasn’t going to drive her anyways?

“If she breaks down, you’re the one who’s gonna push,” Jensen said, taking the keys to the Impala out of his pocket.

Jared was jumping with joy like a kid, and Jensen shook his head in disapproval, but there’s a small smile on his face. At least he succeeded in making Jared's day a little better.

“What’s her name?” Jared asked once he got into the car.

“It’s a car.”

“So?”

“Cars don’t have names.”

“Oh my God, you’re such a pain in the ass!” Jared complained, throwing his head back.

“No, I’m not!” Jensen said defending himself. Who give names to their cars? Weirdos. That’s who. Sure, he loves his car, but he’s not gonna give her a name. She’s not a person.

“Yes, you are! Come on, we should name her!”

“We? There is no we!”

Jared immediately fell silent and the smile that was on his face disappeared in a heartbeat. He shifted uncomfortably and pressed his body against the window - getting as far away from Jensen as possible in the confines of the car.

Jensen bit the inside of his cheek - he didn’t want to hurt Jared, that was the last thing he wanted - and yet, he had killed the joy that was in his eyes.

This was why he didn’t talk to people. He always ended up saying the wrong things,

Growing up, he was a really quiet kid. Only talking to Justin - while it was comfortable, he quickly found out that this lack of interactions made him unable to talk to others.

Now, he limits his interactions, and when he’s forced to, he always made sure to think twice before opening his mouth.

But not with Jared. As weird as it sounded, Jared made him feel comfortable; like he could talk freely without being judged. But that doesn’t mean that he shouldn’t think about Jared’s feelings before talking.

He sighs, turning on the radio and focusing on the road.

  
The mall is fifteen minutes away from his house, and even though they’re in the car, Jared slides down as far as possible on his seat - preventing anyone from seeing him. Jensen doesn’t know who the asshole that hurt him was, but he must be pretty bad for scaring Jared like that. He wished he could have five minutes alone with the guy. He would make sure to make him suffer as much as he made Jared suffer.

“What should we name her?” He asked, making Jared jump in surprise.

“What?”

“The car, what should we name her?”

Jared looked at him for a long time, searching his face for any signs that could indicate Jensen making fun of him. When he couldn’t find any traces of that, he smiled softly.

“Bella?”

“Absolutely not!” Jensen said, a grimace on his face, “My baby deserves better.”

“Your baby? Really?”

“Hey, I practically made her, ok? That means a lot!”

Jared laughed, and Jensen did the same. It felt nice - really nice.

“Why don’t you call her Baby? It’s perfect!” Jared yells excitedly.

Jensen thought about it for a moment. Baby seemed like a good name. It’s short and simple, just how he liked it.

“Yeah, I like that.”

Jared smiled victoriously, rubbing his hands on the dashboard.

“Your car and I have the same name,” He said, turning towards Jensen.

“Jesus Christ!” Jensen sighed, closing his eyes while Jared laughed even harder “You’re a little brat, you know that?”

“Yeah, but you love it.”

“Who told you that?”

“You don’t need to say it, it shows all over your face!”

They look at each other, their eyes locked together, before bursting into laughter again.

“Come on, let’s buy you some clothes.”

“Sure, Daddy!”

Jensen slapped the back of Jared’s head, which got him another laugh from the boy.

For a moment, he wasn’t a police officer anymore, and Jared wasn’t an underage prostitute. They were just two friends having an amazing day together, and Jensen couldn’t remember the last time he felt this good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We will find out more about Jared’s agression in the next chapter 
> 
> Thanks for all the comments ! Hope you liked this chapter as well ;)


	11. I Almost Believed You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was beta by @debivc78

 “This one?” Jensen asked, showing a sweater to Jared.

Jared grimaced as he did with the sweater before, and the one before... and the one before.

“Oh, come on, they’re not that ugly.”

“No, they’re not, but I won’t make any money wearing that,” Jared said before taking a crop top and showing it to Jensen “See, this will make me at least 100 dollars.”

“100?” Jensen repeated.

“Yep,” Jared smiled, getting closer to Jensen until he could whisper in his ear “Wanna know my rates?”

“What? You would make me pay?”

Jared is almost as shocked as Jensen that he’s playing with him, but he doesn’t let the surprise distract him.

“I’ll give you a discount.”

“How nice of you.”

Jensen pretended to be touched before taking the crop top out of Jared’s hands.

“But it’s freaking cold out there, so none of this shit. Sweaters, and sweaters only.”

“One crop top? Please? Oh, and one pair of booty shorts to go with it. Can I have heels, too?”

“No, no, and guess what? No.”

Jared pretended to pout, but he took the clothes Jensen gave him anyway and walked into the fitting room.

There’s a woman looking at Jensen with a smile, and Jensen hid his surprise before smiling back.

“Kids, huh?” She says, “We love them unconditionally, even though they do everything for us not to.”

He frowned, not sure what she was talking about, but then he felt Jared grabbing his arm and dropping his head onto his shoulder.

“Yeah, but I’ve got the best Daddy in the whole world. Right, Daddy?”

Jared is batting his eyelashes, and Jensen could feel his cheeks burning up with embarrassment. He sounded so innocent, and if Jensen didn’t know him, he would believe him without a second thought.

“What a cutie,” The woman clucked, holding her hands together, “I wish mine was like that.”

“It’s fifty bucks an hour,” Jared said with an innocent smile on his face.

“W-What?” The woman asked, looking between Jensen and Jared.

“I’m sorry, we need to go. Have a nice day,” Jensen said, holding Jared by the shoulders and guiding him away. He didn’t want to know what the woman’s face looked like right now, but he could see how happy Jared was with the situation. “You’re proud of yourself, aren’t you?”

“It was funny.” Jensen doesn’t answer, because yes, it was funny as hell, but he’d be damned if he admitted it to Jared.

“You look good in this one,” Jensen said,

The sweater is a soft blue, the shade complimenting Jared’s skin perfectly. The jeans looked pretty good too, and Jensen is surprised to see that Jared was even more attractive with those clothes on than the ones he usually wore.

“Not sure my clients would agree,” Jared sighed.

“Yeah but how do you feel in them?”

“Warm,” Jared admitted, “Maybe I could wear them home?”

“That’s a pretty good idea,” Jensen said, “I don’t want you to be cold, alright?”

“Why do you care?” Jared frowned “I mean, I don’t- I don’t get why you care about what I wear, or what I do. Why did you buy me all this stuff?”

Jensen is taken aback by the questions, and he stayed quiet for a moment. He’s been trying to figure out why he cared so much for days now, even weeks, but he couldn’t find any rational reason.

“Because you deserve it,” Jensen finally said, “Now, come on, we need to get you some underwear, and no panties!”

“I never buy my panties. Men give them to me.”

“They do?”

“Yep. I’ve got so many of them, pink, red, black, white, with lace and everything,” Jared described, “I don’t have them anymore, but it won’t be long before I get some new ones.”

Jensen had so many questions. Does Jared have regular clients? Clients that won’t go to anyone else but him? There are different kinds of prostitutes. Some that work in cars, alleys, and public places, or the ones that work in motels, hotels or apartments. He thinks that Jared belongs to the latter. The ones who are pretty enough that men are proud of them, and want to show them off.

Was the client who hurt him one of them? He went into Jared’s apartment, Jensen knows that for sure, which means that the client knew where Jared lived.

 

“Jensen?”

“Hmm?” Jensen said, jerked out of his thoughts for a moment.

“I asked if we could go and eat a burger. I’m kind of hungry.”

“How do you stay so skinny with everything you eat?” Jensen asked, paying for the items before leaving the store.

“I’m a growing boy,” Jared said, defending himself.

“You’re gonna be a giant.”

“You think I’ll be taller than you?”

“Don’t get your hopes up kiddo.”

They stopped at the first fast food place they saw, Jared ordering once way too much food again and eating all of it anyway.

After that, they stopped at another shop, and where Jensen bought Jared three blankets. The young boy thanked him with a soft smile. It was fascinating, how easily Jared could go from a seductive man to an innocent boy.

They went back to the car, both knowing that this was their last drive together. Jensen doesn’t know where he should drop Jared off, but Jared told him that it doesn’t matter. He wants to leave the state. He didn’t say it, but Jensen doesn’t need to hear him say it to know.

“Are you sure you want to leave?” Jensen asks after an hour of driving “I mean, isn’t it enough if you go to another city?”

“No, there’s nothing left for me here.”

“So what? You’re just gonna start over somewhere else? It’s gonna be exactly the same if you stay in the state.”

“No, it’s not. Because no one knows me. I’ll be more careful.”

“More careful?”

“Yeah, I- It was my fault, the aggression I mean. I…. I got the wrong kind of client, but instead of saying no right away, I stayed.”

“Hey, none of this is your fault!” Jensen said, “None of this, you hear me? No one should force you to do anything, or hurt you like he did!”

“Come on, Jensen, I’m a whore. Whores get beat up.”

 

“Don’t say that,” Jensen ordered “You’re not just a whore. You’re a person. You’re a child. And even if you were nothing more than a whore – That doesn’t give anyone the right to beat you.”

“Maybe,” Jared said, but there was no conviction behind it.

It was killing Jensen to know that Jared thought so little of himself. He wished he could make him understand how much he meant as a person. But he doubted Jared would believe him.

“What do you mean, the wrong kind of client?” He asked after a while.

“You know, a powerful client.”

“Powerful? Like, politician?”

“No, like a criminal,” Jared corrected him, “He… He saw me dancing at the strip club, and he asked to, you know, have a night with me. I said yes because it was a shit ton of money, but then he asked me again, and again. And he-” He stopped, licking his lips before continuing, “I think he fell in love with me. I mean, with my body. The little doll that could do everything he wants him to. But the… The things he asked for in the bedroom, it was too much for me, and I didn’t want him to love me, so I asked him to stop. He didn’t… He didn’t take it well. He told me I had a few days to change my mind, and when I didn’t, he just… He just broke into my apartment with his men. He didn’t kill me because he wanted me to come back, you know? That’s why I can’t stay. Because he wants me, and he won’t stop until he gets me. But I- I don’t want to be in the middle of that.”

“You did good,” Jensen replied, throat tight, “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. I-I’m sorry this happened to you Jared, I truly am.”

“I should have said yes,” Jared admitted “He wanted to take me off the street. I would have… I would have stayed at his house, with food and clothes, and all I would have to do is spread my legs.” He stopped, looking through the window, “I should have said yes.”

“No, you shouldn’t, I-”

“Thank you, Jensen,” Jared cut him off, “For the food, the clothes, the… everything. That was one of the best days of my life.” 

It was one of the best days of mine too, Jensen wanted to say.

“You deserved it,” He replied instead.

Jared smiled at him before dropping his head against the window, closing his eyes instantly.

Jensen drove for two more hours, his mind full of questions and guilt. He wished he could help Jared. He knew he could. But he can’t force Jared to talk to him, and even if he could, the fear of failing is too great. If he can’t protect him, if he can’t stop the guy, Jared would be the one suffering the consequences.

“Hey, Jared,” Jensen whispered, shaking Jared softy, “I need to take a break, you want to walk with me a little?”

“Yeah, that would be nice,” Jared said groggily.

They got out of the car and started walking towards the lake. There was no one else except them, and they both enjoyed the silence. They could see the sun slowly going down in front of them, the fresh air hitting their faces in a peaceful way, and Jensen could feel the heat coming from Jared. It was relaxing and comforting.

It was almost 7:00 PM already, and Jensen knew that in one hour max, he’d have to drop Jared off.

“Here,” He said, taking some cash out of his pocket.

“What is it?” Jared frowned, looking at the money, “I don’t- You gave me enough, Jensen.”

“You’re gonna need it. You need a roof for the night, right? And with a stomach like yours, I’m not even sure I gave you enough.”

Jared laughed softly, his face almost disappearing in Jensen’s too big sweatshirt. Jensen wouldn’t ask him to give it back.

“Thank you,” He whispered, “I-One day, I’ll pay you back.”

Jensen didn’t want Jared to pay him back, but the thought that he’d be able to see him one last time was enough to push him to agree.

“Whenever you want, kiddo.”

They stood awkwardly in front of each other for a moment, neither of them knowing what to say before they got interrupted by Jensen’s phone.

"Do you need to take it?” Jared asked.

“No, it’s-it’s not important,” He said, refusing the call from JD.

Not ten seconds later, his phone rang again, and this time, he was forced to take the call.

“I won’t be too long. Go into the car if you want.”

Jared nodded and walked to Baby, while Jensen put some distance between them.

“It’s my day off JD, this better be important”

“You still with the kid?” JD asked quickly, and Jensen immediately knew that something was wrong.

“I-Yeah, I’m gonna drop him-”

“Don’t!” JD yelled, “There was a raid at Pellegrino’s apartment, and we found pictures of the boy.”

“What?” Jensen frowned, his eyes glued on Jared.

“He’s in the drug cartel, Jensen. You need to get him to the station right now.”


	12. If There’s a Key...

“Jensen?” Jared frowned, watching as Jensen jerked the door open, “Is everything okay?”

Jensen didn’t answer right away; instead he chose to start the car, eyes glued on the road ahead of him.

He couldn’t believe how stupid he was, thinking that Jared was his friend. Once a criminal, always a criminal. He let him carve a place in his mind, offered him a home and food. While during all this time, Jared was planning how to destroy him.

“You’re working with Pellegrino.”

“What? No, I-"

“It wasn’t a question,” Jensen said, his hands tightening on the wheel. He was angry - angry with Jared, angry with Pellegrino, but most of all he was angry with himself.

“Where are we going?” Jared asked, voice shaking as he realized that they were turning back to where they came from. “Jensen, please.”

“I’m taking you to the police station.”

“The police station? But I didn’t do anything!”

“You didn’t do anything?” Jensen repeated, his jaw clenching with rage. How much longer was Jared going to pretend to be innocent? How long was he gonna play him? “Last time I checked, working with a drug dealer is illegal.”

“I’m not working with Pellegrino!”

“Come on, Jared, drop the act. It’s not worth it.”

“Jensen, I-”

“Stop. Stop calling me Jensen, stop defending yourself. I-Fuck, I helped you. I thought you were different, and-”

“Different?” Jared frowned “What? You thought I wasn’t like the other whores? That’s what you meant?”

“Yeah, that’s what I meant!” He yelled, his foot slamming down hard on the accelerator. He didn’t want to be stuck in this car for another minute with Jared. If he could, he would throw Jared out of the car right now. How stupid could he be? He fell right into Jared’s trap so easily. Derek had even warned him dammit! He told him that Jared would find a way to manipulate him, and Jensen let his guard down the first chance he got.

“Well I guess you were wrong,” Jared said, “I’m just another dirty whore, you should’ve known better. Once a whore, always a whore.”

“Stop that!”

“Stop what? That’s not what you wanted to hear? That a stupid whore played you?”

“Stop talking right now or I'll make you shut up!” Jensen threatened.

Jared shut up instantly, fear clear in his eyes. A heavy silence replaced the sound of his voice. How could something so good turn into such a huge fucking mess in such a short amount of time? Jensen thought he was safe - thought he’d succeeded in protecting himself; that after all the pain and disappointment he was finally free.

But the truth was no matter what he did people would always disappoint and hurt him; well, as far as he was concerned that all ended here and now.

“Don’t get attached and you won’t get hurt. Don’t get your hopes up, or they'll come crashing back down on top of you.” That’s what he’d told himself for years, and he was doing a pretty good job of not doing so until Jared came into the picture with his big, sad, puppy dog eyes and his bratty mouth.

“I thought you were different too,” Jared whispered.

Jensen didn’t bother asking what Jared meant. As far as he was concerned, it didn’t matter anymore; it was just another lie - just like everything else.

\---

They made it back to the police station in a little over an hour - thanks to Jensen’s driving skills. They didn’t talk, and when Jensen had finally parked the car, Jared waited for him to open his door before getting out of the car - just like the normal arrest procedure.

“Boss? What are you doing here?” Trevor asked as he saw Jensen entering the station, “I thought it was your day off?”

“Where’s JD?”

“In his office, I think. Who’s that?” He asked, pointing in Jared’s direction.

“None of your business.”

Jensen didn’t bother turning around to see Trevor’s expression, but he could feel his eyes burning a hole in the back of his head. He didn’t bother pretending to care about it, and when they reached JD’s office he let Jared enter before following him closely. No one needed to know why Jared was here before he could get all the information.

JD walked towards them and nodded for Jared to sit down. Jensen wouldn’t meet his eyes, refusing to see the disappointment in them. JD had been his father figure for so long now, everything he has he owed to JD, and he refused to see anything but pride in his eyes.

“Thought you had three hours of road to cover?” JD said, locking the door as soon as Jared and Jensen were inside.

“Yeah, well, I was in a hurry,” Jensen sighed.

“I could only imagine,” The older man said, sitting behind his desk once again as Jensen came to proudly stand by his side, facing Jared. “So, tell me boy, what where you doing with Pellegrino?”

“Whatever he said I was doing.”

JD turned to look at Jensen, but Jensen only shrugged his shoulders. He didn’t know what game Jared was playing, but he’d better stop quickly before JD got angry.

“He didn’t say anything.”

“Why am I here, then?”

“Because we found pictures of you in his apartment.”

“Pictures of me?”

The change in Jared’s voice was almost imperceptible, but after being with Jared for so long, Jensen was able to recognize it immediately. It’s the same voice Jared had when he came to the station - covered in blood and bruises. The voice that wasn’t fake - the one that isn’t pretending. The one that sounded like a little boy trapped in a dark room. The voice of fear.

“Yeah, pictures of you. He was spying on you, like he spied on every one of his guys. That’s what happens when you do business with a drug dealer, they don’t leave you alone. They know where you are at all times. They’ve got proof and know what to use to take your down.” JD said, spreading the pictures out in front of Jared, “So now, Jared, I would like you to tell me exactly what you were doing with Pellegrino.”

Jared was quiet for a moment, his eyes fixed on the pictures without showing a trace of emotions - he looked almost… dead - that was what bothered Jensen the most about this entire situation. For the first time Since JD called, he began to wonder if he did the right thing accusing Jared. Maybe he should’ve listened.

“Jared, what happened?” He finally asked.

“Now you want to listen to me? I’m not just another dirty whore anymore?”

“I’m trying to help you, but if you’re acting like that, you could-”

“You didn’t believe me earlier, why would you believe me now?”

Jensen wished he knew the answer to that question. The question of whether or not he should believe Jared now, and why he didn’t believe him earlier. He had no proof that JD was telling the truth, yet, he had believed him without hesitation - taking it all in a stride, never giving Jared the chance to defend himself - maybe he wanted to hurt Jared and that’s why he did it - because the thought of Jared giving him up was easier than losing him.

“If you don’t talk to us now, we’ll keep digging until we find enough proof to put you behind bars,” JD threatened.

Usually, when JD pulled the jail card, people got scared. They began to realize that they were screwed, and they started talking. Even the tougher ones showed at least a little emotion – even if it was just to make fun of JD.

But Jared didn’t. His face stayed neutral - as if the remainder of his life wasn’t being risked.

“What’s the difference, if I’m in jail or out? It’s over. Ventimiglia is gonna find me, wherever I go.”

“Ventimiglia?” Jensen frowned, shooting a look at JD, “Who’s that?”

“Milo Ventimiglia,” Jared repeated “Pellegrino’s boss.”

“Pellegrino isn’t the boss?” JD asked.

“Pellegrino? The boss? The man can’t even tie his shoes on his own.”

Jensen didn’t say anything after that, his mind burning with what he just learned. Not only was he right from the beginning, but Jared may be the key to one, if not the most important, case of his career

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, hope you all love this chapter ;)


	13. Anybody Have a Map ?

Jensen sighed for what seemed like the hundredth time in the last few hours - his blood boiling with frustration. JD didn’t look any better off: his hair matted down with sweat and his leg jerking uncontrollably. 

“Jared, we need information,” JD said again, “We need to know where you met him, how do-“

“I won’t tell you anything.” 

“Jared-“

“No! I said I won’t say anything,” He repeated, “Can you imagine what he’d do to me? He’s gonna fucking kill me!” 

“We’ll protect you,” JD assured him 

“Protect me?” Jared laughed, “You didn’t even know who he was until an hour ago, and you’ve been working on this case for months. Snakes aren’t just killed - they’re tortured until they’re begging for death; until they’re crying for someone to kill them. I don’t want that!” 

“Why? Why don’t you want that? What are you gonna do Jared? You’re gonna to some no-name city and sell yourself to whoever wants you? Maybe being dead is-“

“Stop that” Jensen cut him off firmly, throwing a deadly glare in JD’s direction, “I think you need some fresh air. Out of here.”

JD wanted to protest – He should’ve protested, he’s Jensen’s boss - he can’t talk to him like that, but he didn’t say anything, stood up from his chair, and yanked the door brutally before slamming it. 

“He didn’t mean that.” 

“Yeah, he did.” 

“No, he’s just… Tired.” 

“Whatever,” Jared said, crossing his arms across his chest, his eyes looking anywhere but at Jensen. “I won’t talk.” 

“I know.” 

He does know. Jared won’t talk, and he knows that fact far too well. If what he’s saying is true, if Ventimiglia is the boss of such a huge network, saying anything about him would end up with Jared dead. 

“I’m sorry,” He said, “I… I should’ve listened to you earlier, and… Yeah. I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, now that I can help you, you’re feeling sorry. You know what I think,  _ Officer? _ I think that you’re no better than any of the men you’re arresting. You’re not any better than the clients I have - that you despise so much. You just want to use me when you want, then throw me away when you’re done with me.” 

“No. You can’t say that. I helped you!”

“Bad guys always make some bullshit excuses.”

“I’m not making any excuses, alright? Don’t play the victim here, maybe I did something wrong, but you did too by not telling me the truth about Ventimiglia!” 

“Why would I have?” Jared yelled, “I wanted to run away from him, not to have him want to chase me down even more!” 

“Yes, but-“ Jensen stopped, frowning “What did you say?” 

“What?” 

“What did you just say?” 

“I said that you were a selfish bastard.” 

“No, after that,” Jensen said, ignoring the insult, “You said that you were running away from him, is he… Is he the guy that did this to you? The one that hurt you?” 

“No!” Jared replied a tad too fast “No, it’s not him.” 

“Come on Jared, we’re past the lies,” Jensen sighed, “Listen, I know you’re scared-“

“Don’t. Don’t act like you know what it’s like to be me, because you don’t.” 

“Then help me understand.” 

“You don’t get to talk to me softly like you care about me. You just want me to give you information - nothing more, nothing less” 

Jared’s words were like a knife stabbing Jensen right through the heart. He knew he fucked up - fucked up pretty bad in fact - but the idea that Jared thought he never cared about him, that he didn’t want to help him, was more painful than he ever thought it would be. He knew what it felt like to have someone use you for information – That’s what the cops did when he was little, offering him chocolate and candy until he finally talked to them. Then, when he finally told them all the awful things he knew, they left him alone in a big, scary room - hot tears running down his face. 

They didn’t care about him - not even a little. But he cares about Jared, and he doesn’t want him to be left alone in a cold and empty room, whether the room was at the police station or in his head. 

“I  _ will  _ protect you Jared. I swear that I won’t let him put another finger on you, don’t you get it?” 

“Sure,” Jared sneered. 

“You don’t believe me, and I get it. I didn’t believe you earlier either. But I’ll show you, alright?” 

Jared looked at him, searching for any indication that Jensen was lying, but when he didn’t find any, he simply lifted his shoulders, as if none of this mattered. 

“I won’t talk.”

“I don’t want you to.” 

Jensen smiled to him, but Jared just looked away. He wondered how long it would take for Jared to trust him again - if ever. 

“I need to go and talk to JD, but I’ll be right back,” He waited for Jared’s answer, but none came. He smirked a little, “I could buy you something to eat while I’m at it?” 

“You trying to buy me?” 

“Maybe?” 

Jared rolled his eyes, apparently not ready for Jensen’s jokes. 

With a pinch in his heart, Jensen thought back to the last couples of days, when Jared joked back at every one of his jokes when he had trusted him. When Jensen trusted him back. 

“Chocolate,” Jared whispered before Jensen left, “Something with chocolate.” 

Jensen smiled before closing the door. 

He saw Trevor looking at him from above, but he didn’t look back. The guy always had a way to get on his nerves, and now wasn’t the time. He needed to talk to JD. 

“Boss,” He called. 

“Wanna yell at me again?” 

“Wanna tell a teen to let himself die again?” 

“That’s not what I meant,” JD hurried to say, “I just… It’s fucking frustrating!” 

“I know,” Jensen said “Doesn’t mean you can say shit like that. To anyone.” 

“I know,” JD admitted “I can’t remember the last time I worked with a victim. I’m the big bad guy who works with criminals, not with… Damn, is he a victim? A criminal? both? I don’t know.”

“He’s… He’s strong. He’s really strong, and he needs our help.” 

“What do you have in mind?” JD asked, clearly interested.

“Witness protection. Well, kind of. I think we should get him away from here, somewhere where he can be safe and protected. Where no one can reach him. We need someone we trust to stay with him. Maybe Deborah, - she’s a serious girl.” 

JD thought about that for a moment, apparently seduced by the idea. 

“Yeah, good idea. But will he agree?” 

“If we offer him a way out of town? Hell yeah.”

“Let’s talk to your boy then.” 

Jensen tried to ignore the nickname, knowing it was probably a way for JD to make him pay for the way he talked to him earlier. 

They walked back to the room after Jensen made a stop at the vending machine. 

“So we talked,” JD said, sitting in front of Jared, “And officer Ackles thought it would be a good idea to put you under protection.”

“I don’t want someone to protect me, I can do it myself.” 

“It means that we’ll help you leave town.” Jensen said, “You’d be far away from here, and no one would be able to touch you” 

“Do I really have a choice?” 

“Yes,” Jensen promised before JD could protest, “If you don’t want to, we’ll leave you out there. But Jared, I really think that it will be better for you - for your safety.” 

Jared didn’t answer right away, but Jensen didn’t expect him to. He knew it was a hard decision to make; that accepting help was always hard to do, but he also knew that Jared was a smart guy. 

“Where will I be staying?” 

Jensen smiled, relieved that Jared would be safe, somewhere far away from this. 

“You’d be staying in a little town two hours away from here.” 

“And I’ll be protected, right?” 

“Don’t worry, I’m sure Jensen won’t let anything happen to you.” 

“What?” Jensen frowned, turning to JD. 

JD smirked at him, apparently happy with himself. 

“Well, I thought you were the best to take care of Jared, don’t you think?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jensen was questionned by the cops when he was little because of the thing with his dad and his babysiter, in case you forgot. Hope that's clear. 
> 
> Sorry for the delay. Next one should be on time


	14. Dead or alive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared's POV

JD’s office wasn’t as impressive as Jared thought it would be. He didn’t really know what he _was_ expecting; maybe snakes wriggling around on the ground, forcing criminals to either talk or be eaten alive. But there were no snakes and the chair he expected on fire wasn't even in leather, giving by the “Cruelty free” stickers standing proudly on the drawer. 

He surprisingly found himself disappointed by the lack of knives and torture tools in JD’s office. That didn’t mean that he would underestimate the man; the first time he met JD he was really nice. He had walked Jared to the infirmary, given him his privacy, and even agreed to call Jensen for him - no questions asked.

Jared didn’t believe in nice guys. The ones who offer you a drink are the ones who force you to your knees. No one was ever nice unless they wanted something, and JD had proven to him that it was true by telling him to choose death over life.

Death over life. 

As if Jared’s life didn’t matter. Like being dead was better than any life he could ever _hope_ to have.

He couldn’t really blame him though. Jared agreed, after all, there were many days where he would’ve rather died than continued to even try to live.  But it was never his choice, was it?

It still isn’t. Either he goes to prison and dies or he tells the cops what he knows and dies. It didn’t matter which one he chose, he would end up dead anyway.

He should’ve listened to Milo. He had warned him that if he refused his offer, his life was over; but Jared didn’t like being told what to do. A teeny-tiny part of him thought that he could run off somewhere and be safe - how stupid of him. This was all because of Jensen if he really thought about it. He was the one who made him feel as if he was worth it, and Jared believed him because even after all these years, he was still dumb enough to fall for those ugly lies.

He doesn’t know how long he’s been alone in the room. When JD told him that Jensen was gonna stay with him, Jensen asked to talk to JD privately, and since then, he’d been alone in the room, waiting for JD to find someone else to replace Jensen.

He thought about leaving without being seen, but he doubted it would help him in any way. Milo must already know that he’s here, and he wouldn’t be surprised if some of his guys were circling the police station, waiting for him. He can’t stop the fear from growing in his belly, knowing far too well what would happen once he’s out. Milo promised him a life of luxury, where he would share his days and nights with him, and while that wasn’t quite enticing, it was still better than becoming Milo and his boys’ personal cum dumpster.

“Alright” Jensen said, entering the room and making Jared jump in surprise, “You ready?”

“Where am I going?”

“We’re just gonna start driving right away. I’ve got some clothes in my office, which will last me for a few days. We’ll work on the details later.”

“I thought you didn’t want to come with me?”

Jensen stopped searching through JD’s stuff, focusing on Jared again.

There was something about the way Jensen looked at him that make Jared’s knees go weak, but he tried to hide it as much as he could. He didn’t want to be weak in front of Jensen, or anyone else for that matter.

“I just thought I wasn’t the best choice,” Jensen admitted, “For you, I mean. But at least I’ll be sure that you’re safe.”

“Right,” Jared said, rolling his eyes.

He’s wasn’t dumb, he knew that Jensen was only doing that to extract information from him, but he couldn’t do anything about it. Either he agreed, or he died.

He followed Jensen to his car without saying a word, and the first two hours of driving were done in perfect silence. Jensen was tense, his hands tight around the wheel while his eyes were glued to the road.

Jared couldn’t count the number of times he’d been in the exact same situation. The first time was a year and half ago, after he ran away from his house. He was only fourteen and half, with nowhere to go, and when a car stopped next to him, he didn’t think twice about it.

It wasn’t as painful as it was with his dad, and strangely enough, it wasn’t as degrading as he thought it would be. He was the one to decide whether he wanted to get in that car or not. He was the one deciding if they used a condom or not. For the first time in his life, he felt free, like he was the one deciding.

His clients were usually deciding what position they wanted to ‘take him’ in, what he wore, and what he said. Sometime he had his free will taken from him; sometimes he ended up with bruises and injuries he didn’t agree to, but in the end it was still better than the life he would’ve had if he stayed with his parents.

“It’s already four,” Jensen sighed, “I’m gonna stop at the next motel so we can rest a little, if that’s ok with you.”

“Whatever.”

“No more than two words at a time?” Jensen laughed awkwardly.

“Nope.”

“Right.” Jensen sighed.

Jared silently enjoyed Jensen’s frustration, allowing a smirk to appear on his face. Making Jensen feel bad made him feel like he was in control again - like he could decide how he wanted to feel. But just like it was with his clients - it was an illusion, something that his mind created to prevent himself from getting hurt.

“Here we go,” Jensen said, parking baby in front of the motel.

Jared followed him outside, walking a step behind him. He didn’t want Jensen to think that he was scared or that he needed his protection, but at the same time he wanted Jensen to be able to do something in case anything happened.

The woman at the reception welcomed them with a charming smile on her face, and Jared prevented himself from rolling his eyes because it was four in the morning and no one should be able to smile at this hour.

“Hello there gentleman,” She said, an accent present in her voice that Jared couldn’t quite place.

“How may I help you?”

“One room with two beds please,” Jensen said.

She gave him another smile before leaving them to check her available rooms.

“Weirdo,” Jared whispered once she was out of earshot.

“Agreed,” Jensen replied, “Who smiles like that at four in the morning?”

Jared couldn’t help the little smile on his face, but he hurried to turn his head the other way so Jensen couldn’t see it. He hated how nice Jensen could be. Hates the fact that he still thought of Jensen as a nice guy, even after the way he treated him.

“I’m so, so sorry,” The woman said, “We only have one room available, but there’s only one bed in it.”

“Are you sure?” Jensen asked, “I mean, even if it’s not clean or something, we don’t care.”

“All the rooms are always clean here, sir.”

She sounded a little hurt at Jensen’s accusation, and this time, Jared does roll his eyes.

“I’m sure your son won’t mind sleeping with you.”

“No, I love sleeping with you, Daddy,” Jared hurried to say, refusing to let such a beautiful opportunity go to waste.

Jensen threw him a glare, and yeah, maybe it was a stupid move but Jared couldn’t really help himself.

“What a lovely family you two make,” She said, holding her hands together in awe “I absolutely love sleeping with my Daddy, too!”

Jared bit the inside of his mouth trying not to laugh, and given the way Jensen was clearing his throat, he was doing the same.

“We’ll take it.”

She gave them the keys before leading them to the room, using the walk to tell them about her son who liked to knock on every door at eight am every morning.

“I don’t know why he always does that. I keep telling him to stop, but he won’t listen.”

“This boy here used to do that a lot too,” Jensen said, pointing to Jared, “One good slap on his ass and it was over.”

Jared looked at him with wide eyes, unable to process the fact that Jensen could make such a dirty joke, and Jensen winked at him like it was nothing.

“If you need anything, please call me.”

They thanked her again before finally dropping their things in their room.

Jared had been in a lot of motel rooms, and they’re generally all the same. One bed, a sofa if you’re lucky, a dirty bathroom, and one little kitchen. He never used the bathroom, nor the kitchen, so he never really cared about them.

But this room seems really clean, the scent of vanilla thick in the air. The bathroom was clean and so was the kitchen.

Jensen didn’t seem to care about any of these things since he was already putting his stuff away for the night while Jared walked around the room.

“I’m gonna sleep on the floor, you can take the bed,” Jensen said, taking his jacket off, “The door stays closed, and so do the windows. Before you ask, no, it’s not because I don’t trust you, but it can be dangerous. Honestly, that woman seemed weird as fuck.”

“Did you see all the cat figurines on her desk?”

“Oh, I did,” Jensen said, grimacing, “Come on, time to go to sleep.”

Jensen undressed rapidly before shucking on a pair of sweatpants and shirt. Jared tried hard no to stare at him while he was doing so, but Jensen was glorious. He was so fucking hot and Jared wished the situation was different and that Jensen was nothing other than another client.

“You can sleep in your clothes if you’re more comfortable,” Jensen reassured him.

Jared tried to think of the last time he was in a motel bed with a man who asked him to keep his clothes on. He couldn’t think of any.

“The sweater is a little too heavy to sleep in,” Jared admitted.

Jensen started looking through his bag and pulled out a shirt before throwing it to Jared.

“Here, wear that. But underwear underneath, alright?”

Jared rolled his eyes before undressing. He tried to see if Jensen was staring at him or not, and when he noticed that he wasn’t, he was torn between feeling relief and disappointment.

“You’re injuries are better?”

“Yeah, thanks,” Jared said, sliding under the covers.

“Good. I’ll check them tomorrow,” Jensen said as he laid on the floor, using his arm as a pillow.\

“Night, Jay.”

“Night Jensen.”

Jensen smiled when he realized that Jared didn’t call him “Officer,” and Jared couldn’t hold back his smile either. He wasn’t forgetting what Jensen did, but if they were gonna spend the next few days, let alone weeks together, they may as well get along. They don’t have to be friends, but he’ll be happy if they can stay on a neutral ground, where he won’t have to be afraid that Jensen was gonna lose it and hit him. Never give someone any reason to be angry at you, that’s something that he learned with Milo.

A little over ten minutes have passed before Jared realized how cold the room really was, and he slid down a little more under the blanket. Jensen doesn’t have anything to keep himself warm except the clothes he has on, and Jared felt a little guilty knowing that he was the only one who was comfortable.

“The bed is big,” He said.

“Hm?”

“The bed. It - it’s big. We can share.”

“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” Jensen said.

“It’s fine, I don’t care,” Jared admitted “And I won’t tell anyone that you’re forcing me to do something, if that’s what’s bothering you.”

“What? No, it doesn’t-" Jensen sighed, “I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable. That’s all.”

“Well, I’m the one proposing.”

Jared couldn’t see Jensen in the dark, but after a few moments, he heard him moving around, walking to the other side of the bed before sliding under the covers.

“Is that better?” Jared asked.

“Yeah,” Jensen sighed, enjoying the warmth, “Thanks.”

Jared didn’t answer, exhaustion already taking over his body, and next thing he knew, he was already asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the comments - It was so nice to read them all. Some of you have really interesting theories !   
> I hope you like where the story is going ;)


	15. Not a bad thing

 

[ ](https://ibb.co/hoNCSf)

Jared had slept with a lot of men. He’d shared a bed for minutes, sometimes hours, with them. Ironically, though, he never _slept_ with any of them. He always left before falling asleep, never stayed in bed after it was done, never laid down and closed his eyes with any of them. One time, Milo forced him to stay with him until the morning, but Jared didn’t dare close his eyes; too afraid of what could happen.

Jared had slept with a lot of men, but he never got to wake up next to someone without feeling threatened.

Until now, that is.

The room was still dark when he opened his eyes, the only light was coming from the alarm clock next to him, indicating that it was 7 am. He sighed, refusing to wake up this early, and it was when he tried to turn around that he realized that Jensen’s arms were around him, holding him against his chest. He could feel Jensen’s breathing against his head, could feel the up and down movement from his chest every time he breathed, and he could feel Jensen’s feet tangled with his.

He held his breath, afraid of moving or scaring Jensen. It was obvious that Jensen didn’t want to sleep like that, but he couldn’t get out of his arms if he wanted to and he doesn’t want to wake Jensen up.

It’s not as bad as Jared would have imagined it. Jensen’s arms aren’t tight enough to hurt; his hands don’t feel like a threat, and his body resting against Jared’s feels warm and comfortable. He doesn’t have a hard-on, doesn’t try to push himself onto Jared, or any of the things that would make Jared uncomfortable or scared.

A big part of him was telling him that he should push Jensen away, but he only slept for three hours and he’s too tired to deal with Jensen right now.

And if he was enjoying this situation a little more than he should, then so be it.

He turned himself around until he could look at Jensen, his arms still locked around him.

Jensen was a worried person. He looked as if the whole world was resting on his shoulders, like he could see the Devil in every person he looked at, his eyebrows always frowning and his voice always thick with fatigue.

But right now, he looked peaceful. His breathing was soft, his mouth slightly open, and his eyes were closed, finally resting after so many hours of wakefulness. Careful as not to wake him up, Jared took his hands out from beneath the blanket and let his fingertips traveling along Jensen’s skin, tracing each one of his freckles one by one.

His heart ached a little knowing that this peaceful Jensen, this lovely man sleeping while holding him and protecting him, would probably throw him in a fire if someone asked him to.

He thought Jensen was different, a small part of him still thinks he is, even after the obvious lack of trust Jensen has in him. The thing is, trust was something precious. No one ever trust Jared, and after a while, he understood that he shouldn’t trust anyone either.

When he was eleven, he had a teacher who was everything someone could ask for. He would spend hours explaining things to his students, even if it meant going over the material over and over, and whenever one of his students had a problem, with school or their personal life, he would take time out of his day to try and help them.

One time, he noticed a bruise on Jared, and he asked him to tell him what was going on, and after a while, Jared agreed.

He was the first one to hear about what was happening with his dad. He told him, with wet tears travelling down his face, what was happening, how he wished someone would come and help him. His teacher asked him if he talked about it with anyone else. Jared said no. His teacher told him not to, and Jared only assumed he didn’t believe him, until he got up, locked the classroom, and pulled his pants down.

Jared doesn’t trust anyone because he knows that under every man is a monster, resting and waiting for Jared to show his weakness before hurting him in the worst possible way.

Yet, even after knowing all of that, he still trusted Jensen. He still called him, when he had blood coming from his asshole and tears on his face, asking for help, and Jensen did. He didn’t ask questions, took care of him, fed him, and even bought him clothes. If JD hadn’t called, Jared would have believed he could trust someone.

Jensen shifts uncomfortably under Jared’s fingers, and Jared hurries to closes his eyes, pretending to be asleep.

There was a moment of silence, and Jared guessed that it was the moment Jensen realized that he was holding Jared against him.

Gently, Jensen took his arms away from Jared before leaving the bed, a wave of coldness hitting Jared as he moved. But the coldness didn’t last for long; Jensen tucked him carefully under the covers, and at that moment something clicked inside of Jared - because he couldn’t remember the last time someone tucked him like that.

He opened his eyes and turned around, locking his stare with Jensen.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you up,” Jensen apologized.

“Why are you up?”

“Couldn’t sleep anymore,” Jensen lied.

“Come back to bed,” Jared whispered, closing his eyes again, “It’s too cold.”

Jensen smiled softly, watching as Jared moved a little so he could slide back under the sheets.

“You’re way sweeter when you’re sleeping,” Jensen mumbled, joining Jared back in bed, “Less of a brat.”

“You like it when I’m a brat,” Jared pointed out, sliding closer to Jensen. He didn’t care about the boundaries. Didn’t care that it was dangerous, or that Jensen could be angry at him for doing so. He was feeling good with Jensen next to him, and if Jensen snapped and got angry, then at least Jared would be sure that he couldn’t trust him.

Maybe that was what he was waiting for. For Jensen to snap at him so hard that he couldn’t forget it, that no matter how nice Jensen looked, he could never trust him again. He wanted Jensen to hurt him until he could hate him, because hating him would be so much simpler than what he was feeling right now.

But Jensen didn’t snap. He welcomed Jared into his arms without saying a word, and somehow, that was even worse.

“Do you usually cuddle with criminals or am I an exception?”

Jensen laughed, his whole body shaking with it and sending vibrations through Jared, who could do nothing else but slide a little closer to Jensen.

“You have a way to point out awkward situations, don’t you?” He said, “I don’t cuddle with criminals. I shouldn’t be cuddling you, that’s for sure.”

“Why are you then?”

“Because the room is cold.”

It wasn’t a complete a lie. The heating must have broken down while they were sleeping, the chilliness of the night filling the room and leaving them with cold feet.

“Good thing you don’t have to sleep on the floor.”

“I guess it is.”

They were silent for a moment, Jared’s head resting softly on Jensen’s chest, going up and down with each one of his breaths. It was quiet, peaceful, gentle, and so much different from anything Jared ever knew that he wondered if all of this is nothing other than a dream. Maybe he died in the cold and this was his afterlife.

“I shouldn’t be doing this, you know?” Jensen said, “I shouldn’t cuddle with you, it’s… Shit, I’m a police officer. I shouldn’t.”

“Is it that bad?”

“It's that good,” Jensen corrected him “And that’s the problem. I don’t want to hurt you.”

Jared had heard this sentence so many times, on so many different occasions, right before getting hurt so badly that he could no longer associate it with anything but pain. But Jensen’s fingers were rubbing his skin gently instead of bruising him, and maybe Jared didn’t have enough fingers on his hands to count all the people who've hurt him after saying those words. Yet, after tonight, he could count on one finger the number of people who actually meant it.

“I just want to protect you. I have this deep, weird feeling in my gut that tells me to protect you. It’s not the job, it’s deeper than that. It’s you, I need to protect you, because… Hell, I don’t even know why,” He sighed, “Shit, pillow talk isn’t my thing. I’m gonna regret this tomorrow.”

“I won’t,” Jared admitted, trying to cope with everything he just heard.

“Let’s get some sleep, alright? We need to get going as soon as we possible.”

“Yeah, goodnight Jensen,” He whispered, closing his eyes and enjoying the feeling of safety that Jensen’s hold gave him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are love so feel free to leave one ;)


	16. Family Trip

Jensen woke up for the second time that day at eight; a loud knocking at the door pulling him out of his sweet slumber.

Jared woke up immediately, his whole body going rigid as he looked at the door.

“Jensen,-”

“Quiet,” Jensen whispered, getting up from the bed and taking his gun out. He made sure that Jared was hidden before approaching the door. “Who’s there?” He asked, making sure to keep his voice as dangerous-sounding as possible. 

Nobody answered, but the knocking became sharper, and instead of waiting, Jensen opened the door, his mind ready to shoot whoever was behind it. 

“Fucking hell,” Jensen yelled, his jaw clenched. 

The little boy in front of him went still as he saw Jensen’s gun, and the cocky smile on his face disappeared right away. 

Jensen closed his eyes, silently cursing himself. The weird lady’s kid. She told him about his habit of knocking on the doors, but he had totally forgotten. Well, he definitely remembers now. 

“Go to your mom, kid,” Jensen ordered, hiding his gun in the waistband of his jeans.

The boy didn’t have to be told twice as he ran off towards his mom’s office, not daring to turn back. 

“Who was it?” A small voice asked.

Jensen sighed, closing the door and locking it before turning around. Jared was peeking around the corner, ready to hide again. 

He looked so vulnerable, and Jensen’s heart melted at the sight. On one hand, Jared never looked this cute, with his big, scared, beautiful eyes focused on Jensen, the t-shirt he gave him falling over his shapely hips. On the other hand, Jensen never wanted to see a trace of fear on his boy again. 

“Just the crazy woman’s kid” 

“Oh,” Jared said, relief evident in his tone, “Well, at least he won’t do it again.” 

“Yeah,” Jensen laughed, “I probably traumatized the boy for the rest of his life though.” 

“His mom has a dead cat on the shelf behind her. I think he’s already pretty traumatized,” Jared said, spreading his arms in the air before falling back onto the bed with a heavy sigh, “I wanna go back to sleep.”

“You can sleep in the car if you want, but we need to get going.” 

“Where are we going?” He asked, turning his head so he could see Jensen. 

“Somewhere.” 

“You don’t know, do you?” 

“Of course I do!” Jensen shouted, defending himself.

“It doesn’t look like you know.”

“I just don’t want to tell you,” He lied again, throwing his clothes at Jared. “Come on, take a shower and get ready.”

Jared rolled his eyes but obliged, dragging his feet on the floor as he did so. 

There was a window in the bathroom, and Jensen should be worried. It would be so easy for Jared to run away, to run and never come back, without Jensen noticing until it was too late. 

He closed his eyes, chasing the idea out of his head. 

No. He trusted Jared. He knew him, and he trusted him. 

“You want me to keep the door open?” Jared asked, pulling him out of his thoughts. 

“No, I trust you.”

A small smile appeared on Jared’s face, but there was no doubt in Jensen’s mind that he was doing his best to hold back a bigger one. 

Jared closed the door on his way in, and the stupid voice in Jensen’s head died almost completely. 

He sat on the bed, the map spread across his lap as he started to look for a new location. He wasn’t sure where they should go. Far from here, but where to exactly? Legally speaking, they couldn’t put Jared into a true witness protection service. He was underage and they didn’t even know his name. The best they could have done was send him into the foster care system. Which meant that the government couldn’t provide him with a safe place to live, leaving this mission on Jensen’s shoulders. 

He was interrupted when his phone started ringing, his mom’s name appearing on the screen. 

“Shit,” He whispered. He couldn’t deal with her right now, but he’d need to get rid of his phone pretty soon and if he didn’t find an excuse, she would probably freak out. 

 _“Hey mom,”_ He said, rubbing his eyes.

 _“Jensen? Where are you?”_  

He could recognize the anger in her voice, and he frowned, not sure of what he had done this time. 

_“Why?”_

_“Because we’re waiting for you! Everybody’s ready to go, and you’re not even here yet!”_

_“Waiting for me? Why?”_

_“Holidays, Jensen! We talked about it last time you came here, right before you decided to leave so suddenly,”_ She said, clenching her teeth, “You’ll have to explain that too.” 

_“Holidays? Why would I come with you on your holiday trip?”_

_“Because you said so! Your brother asked you to, and you agreed!”_

_“Wait, I said that? I said yes, I’ll come?”_

_“You? Speaking a full sentence?”_ She laughed, _“No, Jensen. Of course not. You just nodded.”_

He sighed in frustration, the need to throw his phone against the wall becoming stronger with every passing second of speaking with his mom. 

He doesn’t remember agreeing to this, but given how little care he had for their conversation, he possibly did. Yet, that still doesn’t explain why, after years of ignoring him, they decided to invite him. 

_“I can’t come. I’ll pay the money back.”_

_“The mon- Jesus, Jensen! It’s not about that! Shawn really wants you to come. He’s… He’s worried about you. And who can blame him? You’re barely talking to us, and you-”_

_“I’m working,”_ He stopped her, _“Tell Shawn that I’m sorry.”_

He heard movement and cursing before realizing that his mom was handing the phone to Shawn. Great. 

 _“Hey, big bro,”_ Shawn said, _“Running away from family holidays?”_

_“I’m sorry, Shawn, I just-”_

_“Nah it’s ok, don’t worry,”_ Shawn said before he could finish his sentence, _“I just thought you would like to come with us. I mean, no, I know you would hate it, but I would’ve loved it, you know?”_

 _“Next time, I promise,”_ Jensen said, his throat tightening. Shawn had always been his sweet spot, and he knew it far too well, _“Send me pictures, alright?”_

_“We won’t have any connection up there, but sure, I’ll show them to you once we’re back! Maybe spend a day together? Like, drink a coffee or something?”_

He didn’t miss how Shawn chose to have coffee over beer, still convinced that Jensen was an alcoholic, but that wasn’t his main focus at the moment. 

_“No phone? And no internet either?”_

_“Nothing dude. I don’t even think you could find us on a map! One of mom’s friend talked to her about it, but we couldn’t find anything about it online,”_ He laughed, _“Yeah, I can see why you’re not coming now.”_

_“How do you know how to get there?”_

_“Mom’s friend gave us the directions. Why?”_

_“Nothing, just…”_ Jensen looked at the map in front of him again, trying to decide whether he was making the right decision or not. He didn’t want to spend the next couple of weeks, maybe months (Yeah, he should’ve listened to the conversation more closely) with his family, but this could be it. The perfect hideout. The perfect way to keep Jared safe. _“Hey Shawn, do you think I could bring someone?”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are love ;)


	17. True Colors

“Can we say that I’m your boyfriend?” Jared asked, kicking his legs up onto the dashboard. 

“What? No!” Jensen yelled, “And get your feet off my car.”

“Alright grandpa, calm down. I’m just trying to help.”

“Not sure that introducing a what? Sixteen year old? As my boyfriend would be wise. Fuck, I don’t even know how old you are.”

“Sixteen.” 

Jensen turned his attention away from the road, focusing on Jared instead. He didn’t expect Jared to give him any personal information, let alone his real age, and he couldn’t help but smile at the fact that he was winning over Jared’s trust again. 

“Sixteen. Can you imagine if I introduced you as my boyfriend? I’m nineteen years old older than you!”

“That’s not a lot. Old couples always have like, a twenty-year gap between them and no one finds it weird!” 

“Yeah but this is different. You’re a kid” 

“I haven't been a kid in a long time,” Jared admitted, “It’s… I just want to say that I know what I want. I’m not stupid, or innocent. I know what life is - real life.” 

“I know,” Jensen said, “I think you know that better than most people. But it doesn’t mean that you  _ have  _ to be an adult all the time.” He turned his head to face Jared, and he wasn’t surprised to see a soft smile on Jared’s face. 

He understood Jared. Or he tried to anyway, but the thing was that he knew what it was like to be a grown up before you were supposed to, how hard it could be to find your place in the world when your childhood was ripped away from you. It’s a tough place to be in the middle; it’s another way to feel like an outsider. 

“It’s because I’m prettier than you, isn’t it?” Jared asked, “Like, they won’t believe you could actually get someone like me.” 

“Shit, you got me there,” Jensen said, pretending to be shocked.

Jared laughed, his happiness filling the car like a wave of warmth spreading throughout the air, and even though Jensen didn’t find the situation that funny, he quickly joined Jared, laughing until there were tears in his eyes. 

“So? What do we tell them?” Jared asked once he calmed down, “Because I don’t think they would buy the whole ‘ _ We’re friends’ _ excuse.” 

“Yeah, don’t think so either,” Jensen sighed, “I don’t know what we should tell them. Nothing will satisfy them anyway.” 

“Maybe we can tell the truth? I mean, not the entire truth, but part of it?”

“What are you thinking?”

“Well, we can say that I’m a troubled teenager that doesn’t have any family, and that we… We bonded, a little, so you offered me to stay with you until we could find a new home for me? Or is that still weird?”

“It’s weird but it could work. And even if it doesn’t, well, screw them. What are they gonna do? Tell us to go? I doubt it.” 

“Well, glad to see I’m not the only one with a shitty relationship with my family.” Jared laughed. 

A hint of guilt made Jensen frown. Here he was, complaining about his family while Jared had to live worse than that, worse than Jensen could ever imagine. He doesn’t like his family, and they don’t like him either, except for Shawn, but it’s nothing compared to what Jared had to endure. 

“I shouldn’t be complaining. I’m sorry.” 

“It’s not because I had it harder than you that you can’t complain too,” Jared said, “It’s not a contest of who had the worst experience or the worst life. Maybe we suffered in different ways, but it ended up with the same result; we’re both broken as fuck.” 

Jared laughed again, but this time, Jensen was too caught up in admiring him to join in. He wondered how this kid could be the same boy that he had met months ago now; how the arrogant little brat had turned into such a lovable boy. 

He doesn’t think the brat personality was just an act. It was a part of Jared’s personality, he just accentuated it in order to protect himself. Jensen wouldn’t want it any other way because he liked the Jared that could tell him to go fuck himself as much as the Jared that was sitting next to him. 

Maybe that was his mistake. Thinking that people could only have one side to themselves, that everyone was black and white. He sees now that people are in shades of grey, and that nothing is ever as clear as he thought it might be. That ultimately, they were all the same, without exceptions. But Jared wasn’t stuck in a shade of white, shade of black, and he wasn’t grey either: he was a  profusion  of color - a rainbow come to life. Jared was a plethora of color wrapped in an enigma and topped off with a sense of humor. 

“Do I have something on my face?” Jared asked.

“What?”

“You’re looking at me weird. Do I have something on my face?” 

“No, I just-“ He wished he could tell Jared. Could tell him how much more colorful his life was now that he was a part of it, how precious Jared was, and how sorry he was not to have trusted in him earlier. But he couldn’t.

“I was imagining my mom’s reaction if I told her you were my boyfriend.” 

“How would she react?” Jared asked, curiosity peaking. 

“She would have an heart attack. Can you imagine? Her 35 years old straight son showing up with a sixteen year old boy? We would have to bury her right away.” 

“You’re straight?” Jared exclaimed. 

“Yeah, why?” 

“I thought you were bi.” 

“Guess you were wrong.”

“Have you ever tried it? With a guy I mean?” 

“No,” Jensen admitted, “I never wanted to.”

“Well, you should.”

Jared winked in his direction before laughing, propping his feet on the dashboard again. Jensen shook his head, but chose to remain silent. 

“Have you tried it with a girl?” Jensen asked, a bit curious. 

“Yeah. She was my best friend, and one day she asked me if I wanted to try it and I said yes.”

“You say that like it’s totally normal,” Jensen laughed, “You do know that best friends don’t usually have sex with each other, right?”

“Yes they do!” Jared said, “But anyway. We tried and I couldn’t… You know, get it up.”

“How did she react?” 

“We laughed it off and promised each other to never try it again.” 

There was something in Jared’s voice that Jensen couldn’t quite place, something between happiness and sadness. 

“Where is she now?” He asked, eyes focused on the road.

“I don’t know. She… Ventimiglia offered her a shit ton of money and she took it.” 

“Money? In exchange of what?” 

“Me,” Jared said, almost inaudibly “I- Ventimiglia pushed me a little too far one day, and I refused to see him after that. But h-he came to her, and she gave him the keys to my apartment. I never saw her again after that.” He paused, trying to compose himself, before continuing. 

“She just had a baby, so I don’t blame her. At least her kid is gonna have a good life.”

Jensen doesn’t answer right away, trying as hard as he could to shove his anger down, not wanting to scare Jared. But he was burning with rage and incomprehension. How could someone do that? How could you call yourself a friend and then betray someone in the worst way possible? She gave Jared away like he was nothing other than an unwanted object, something to get rid of without a care. She broke him, and didn’t even have the decency to face him afterwords. 

And yet, after all that, Jared still defended her, like having a kid meant that you could put someone through something that awful. 

“Hey, aren’t we supposed to turn here?” Jared asked, pointing to his right.

“Shit!” Jensen says, braking violently, “Sorry.” 

He sighed as his mom's house came into view.

“Here goes nothing,” He sighed, stopping the car in front of his mother’s house, already spotting her judgmental eyes from the window. 

They got out of the car, Jared standing a little closer to him then usual, the apprehension of what was to come building inside of him. 

“Don’t worry, I won’t leave you alone with them,” Jensen promised, rubbing Jared’s arm.

“I-“

“Jensen!” 

Jared jumped in surprise at the scream, turning to see where it came from. Jensen didn’t have to. He would recognize that stringy and annoying voice from anywhere. 

“Danneel,” He said, holding onto Jared tightly “What are you doing here?” 

“Oh, your mom needed speakers for her radio, so I went to the store to grab some,” She said, her eyes focused on Jared, “Who’s this?”

“I can give them to her. We’re about to leave.” Jensen said, completely disregarding her question.

“Well, duh?” She said, “I know that. I’m coming with you!” 

“You’re coming with us?” 

"Of course silly!" She shrieked.

And just like that, Jensen regretted his desicion entirely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are love ;)


	18. Have We Met Before ?

“Why is she here?” Jensen asked, slamming the kitchen door so no one could hear them.

“Because mom invited her,” Shawn replied with a sigh, “I didn’t know she was coming either, otherwise I would’ve tried to stop her. Apparently mom and her are… best friends or something.”

“And she chose the only time that I decided to come to take her with us?”

“Yeah,” Shawns laughed – the bastard, “Mom seems to think you need someone in your life and ‘ _ who could be better than Danneel'?”  _ He said, mimicking their mother’s voice in a high pitched tone.

Jensen couldn’t prevent the smile that appeared on his face at Shawn’s imitation. Yet, the anger soon overtook him as he thought back as to why Daneel was coming.

“So… Is Danneel your ex-girlfriend?” 

They both turned their heads towards Jared, who was sitting on the counter; legs dangling in the air. He looked particularly amused by the situation - much to Jensen’s dismay.

“Hell no!” Jensen says “She’s crazy as fuck. We were in high school together, and she was always obsessed with me, following me everywhere and shit like that”

“Aww, she had a crush on you!” Jared laughed, “That’s cute!”

“No, it’s not. She ruined all my dates by spreading rumors about me, and she even - She’s not my friend, and I don’t want her here.”

“She even what?” Shawn asked, sitting next to Jared.

“Nothing!” 

“Come on Jensen, you can tell us.”

Jensen rolled his eyes at them, cursing himself from bringing Jared to the kitchen with them because  _ of course  _ these two idiots would’ve clicked immediately and ganged up against him. 

“We won’t say anything,” Jared said as he crossed his heart as a sign of promise, his eyes shining with excitement.

“She came to my appartment one day, and uh, she was – she had this long French coat and-”

“She was naked?” Shawn cut him off, his eyes wide.

“Yeah,” Jensen admitted.

Jensen was expecting his brother and… friend, to feel bad for him, to admit that yeah, she was crazy, because no  _ sane  _ person does that. Much to his dismay, they both burts into laughter, tears streaming down their faces.

“You’re both assholes!” Jensen complained, “It isn’t funny. At all!”

“Yeah, it is!” Shawn replied, gasping for breath. 

“You should say yes to her, just one time. See if she wants more after that.”

“Oh yeah, I should have sex with a psychopath just to make her feel better? Great idea, Jared, thank you very much!”

“Any time!” Jared replied, smirk on his face. 

Jensen rolled his eyes again - a habit he had picked up from spending time with Jared - before letting out a long sigh. He opened his mouth to retaliate when his mom opened the kitchen door, her eyes switching between staring at Jensen and Jared.

“Jensen,” She said, fake smile in place, “I didn’t know you were bringing someone?”

“Is that a problem?” 

“No, but I would’ve preffered to know” 

“Well, I would’ve preferred to know that Danneel was coming, too” He said, trying to keep his voice sickly sweet; but his mom was always better at pretendiing that everything was fine as opposed to him.

“Danneel is my friend.”

“So is Jared.” 

“Jared? That’s your name sweetie?” She asked, turning towards Jared.

“Yes ma’am.” 

“What a beautiful name,” She smiled, “Tell me, how old are you exactly? You seem pretty young to be away from your parents.”

“No, they’re fine with it,” Jared said without missing a beat. 

“They are?”

“Yes, they trust Jensen completely.”

“They do?” There’s a hint of surprise in her voice, and Jensen frowned, unsure of what to make of the fact that she seems so surprised. 

“Oh yeah, they love him like their own son, you know?” 

“It’s… Great. Really great. But see honey, I don’t think you can come with us.” 

“What? Why?” Jensen asked, “If Danneel can come, so can Jared.”

“It’s not that I don’t want him to, but there won’t be enough space for all of us to sleep.” 

“Oh it’s alright ma’am, Jensen and I can stick together.” 

Jensen could see the horror dawning on his mom’s face, and a part of him knew that he should be ashamed or angry that she thinks that he would be with someone as young as Jared. Yet, another part of him was rejoycing at the fact that for the first time in years, someone had succeded in breaking his mother’s act.

“We’ll find a way, mom,” Shawn said, “We can put all the kids in one big bed and put the unused bed in Jensen’s room.”

“I guess we could do that, yes,” She answered, giving them one last smile before leaving the room. 

“I can see why you don’t like her,” Jared said, “Why is she like that with you? Were you a terrible kid or some shit like that?” 

“It’s… Complicated.” Jensen answered, shifting uncomfortably. He could feel Shawn’s stare burning holes in his back, but he didn’t turn around, refusing to face his younger brother. 

What happened between their dad and the babysitter was still a taboo subject, even now, years later. Shawn was too young to remember or understand anything, so he learned all he could in the process, right before cutting all contact with their dad, unlike Josh who still stood by his side. 

“We should get going before the kids start getting too excited,” Shawn said, winking at Jared. 

“How many kids?” Jared asked with a grimace.

“Two of mine, and three of Josh’s.” 

“That’s… A lot of kids.” 

“Five. Well, six if we count you.” Jensen said, bumping Jared’s shoulder gently.

“Ha. Ha. So funny...” Jared rolled his eyes. 

They made their way to the living room, where everybody was waiting for them. Danneel sitting next to his mother, Laurel, on the other side next to Natasha, and Josh nowhere to be seen. 

“Are we good to go?” He asked, grabbing a biscuit from the table and handing it to Jared. They didn’t have time for breakfast, and God knows this kid loved to eat. 

“Who’s your friend, Jensen?” Natasha asked, her hand resting slightly on her belly.

“This is Jared. Jared, this are my sisters in law, Natasha and Laurel” 

“Hi,” Jared said shyly, almost hiding behind Jensen. 

It was surprising to see Jared being shy, but he couldn’t imagine what it was like to be put in a room full of perfect strangers who all know each other. 

Jensen shifted a little closer to him, until their arms are touching, offering him support, to which Jared answered with a smile. 

“Well, welcome, Jared,” Laurel said, “And yes, Jensen, we’re good to go, Josh just put the kids in the car.” 

She didn’t have time to finish her sentence when the door began to open, Josh appearing at the doorstep. 

“Babe, we’re waiting for you,” Natasha said, “This is Jared, Jensen’s… Friend.” 

“Hey, nice to meet you,” Josh said, extending his arm to shake Jared’s. 

For a millosecond, Jensen could swear he saw something on Josh’s face, a feeling caught between surprise and horror, but it was gone as soon as it appeared. 

What doesn’t disappear, though, is the way Jared’s body almost collapsed against his, nor the fear coming from him as he shook Josh’s hand. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everybody.   
> First of all, sorry for the wait. My beta had to sent me the chapter multiples time before I got it, and with the jet lag, it's hard to communicate.   
> Secondly, I'm sorry that some of you left because I put Danneel on the story. That wasn't my attention, and I didn't even thought it would be an issue. So yeah, sorry about that, but I won't change it because that's how I pictured the fic. Also, she's in maybe 3 chapters, not more, and not a lot so you can just skip it or mabe imagine someone else, I don't know.
> 
> I know this chapter isn't really long or intresting, but next one is gonna be great so hang out ! 
> 
> Thanks all for your support. It means a lot and I'm glad you like this story


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From no one, this fic will be beta by @debivc78 who yet again save the day
> 
> Mention of rape, abuse, suicide etc. Be careful

"Is that a new car ?" Shawn asks, stopping in front of Jensen’s car 

"Kinda. I've had it in my garage for over a year”

“In your garage? Je e z, Jensen, this car is awesome, why would you hide it?”

“I  asked him the same  thing !” Jared says happily “I had to beg him to use it”

“Wait, you succeeded in getting something out of Jensen by begging?” Shawn asks, a smirk on his face “Even my kids can’t do that!” 

“That’s because they can’t do pupp y eyes as good as me” Jared winks, a proud smile on his face. 

Jensen doesn’t say anything, his face burning with embarrassment as he curses Shawn for talking. He doesn’t want Jared to know that he somehow managed to reach his sweet spot and can get practically anything he wants from him without Jensen complaining. 

“Come on, we’ve got a long ride  ahead ” 

“I feel like we  just spent  a  year in that car” Jared complains, opening his door “Once we g e t there, I want us to walk  every where”

“Don’t know if we ' ll leave the house a lot” Jensen admits, letting the three other cars  go  in front of him before following them. “We need to think about your safety first”

“Yeah but think about my mental health, too. I can’t spend  too long in a car or house” 

“I know” Jensen says, offering him a compassionate smile. 

He can see that Jared is bothered by the whole situation, and he can’t blame him. He’s been attacked, and left for dead before coming to Jensen’s apartment. Been accused of being a criminal, staying in yet another unknown place, and now, he has to deal with Jensen’s whole family. The kid needs to have some fun. Hell, Jensen needs to relax as well. 

“You know” He says “Riley-“

“Who’s Riley?” Jared cuts him

“My nephew? Come on, you  met him ten minutes ago” 

“Yeah, but  all three of your nephews look like they’re on drugs” 

“Josh’s kids are…  t hey’re something” He admits, weighing his words. 

“Awful is the word you’re looking for”

“You said it, not me” Jensen defends himself, “But yeah, they are. One time, I had to watch them for a whole weekend .  M an, that was the worst two days of my life. I was this close to kick ing them out of my place” 

“I can’t imagine you taking care of kids. Well, not those kids”

“Kids in general I would say. I don’t know how to deal with them”

“You deal with me just fine and let me tell you I’m not easy either”

“ No shit ” Jensen sighs, which  earn s him a middle finger from Jared. “But that’s different. You’re…  y ou’re different”

There’s a light blush spreading on Jared’s face, and Jensen has weird feeling in his belly, something he hasn't felt in years, maybe ever. He doesn’t know what it is, and he’s not sure why but it makes him feel good and he doesn’t want to think too much about it right now. 

“So what did Riley sa y ?” Jared ask s

“Oh, yeah. He said there’s a Christmas market, where we’re going. We can go, if you want”

“Yes! Yes I want to!” Jared yells, jumping  i n the seat happily 

“Alright, we ' ll go. But you will stay right next to me, Ok?”

“Promise!” Jared says, a huge smile on his face

“You ever been to one? When you were a kid, I mean” 

“Yeah” Jared says, more calmly this time “Until I was five, we used to go every year. I don’t remember  much  exactly , but I remember the feeling, you know? It was a good feeling. Really great”

“What happened? When you were five I mean?” 

Jared shifted uncomfortably in his seat, not answering, so Jensen decided to take the lead. 

“When I was ten, my dad he  . . .  h e raped my babysitter and I walked  in  on them. She was  in love with him ,  well  as much  in love as you can be when you’re 14, and she…  s he ended up pregnant . W hen she told him, he told her he didn’t love her and he gave her money for an  abortion I heard the whole thing.”

“Did she  get it?  T he a b ortion?” 

“No” Jensen says, his throat tight “She lost the baby, probably right after telling my dad, and when she realized…  s he went to our house and she commit ted suicide”

“Fuck” Jared whispers “Who f ound her?”

“Me” Jensen answers right away, refusing to let his emotions get the be tter of him. He never told this story  to anyone , not even to Derek who learned the story through his wife . A nd saying it out loud, for the first time,  was way harder than he thought it would be. More re veal ing, too. “I found her, and I…  t he police, they didn’t ha ve any  evidence showing why she did it .  No thing.  My father . . . h e would have got away  with all of it  so easily, but I… I talked. I talked, and I destroyed my family, my father, my mother, my siblings, and myself” 

“You protected her” Jared whispers 

“Who?” 

“Your babysitter. You protected her, over everybody else. You protected her memory and you  . . . s hit, can you imagine? If you hadn’t talk ed ? Her parents would have thought she was sick and that she died for no reason. But you…  y ou saved her, in a way. In many way s .”

“I never saw it like that” Jensen admits, his voice shaking with emotion. He spent so many nights, wondering if he did the right thing, if her parents would rather have a crazy daughter or a daughter that was abused. If they would rather think that it was nothing but a mistake, rather than know that they put their daughter in the hands of a pedophile, of her own murderer. He thought about it, again and again, but, he could never fully justify what he had done. 

He won’t say that Jared gave him a clear conscience, no one really can, but he gave him a new perspective, a new way to find peace. 

He came out of his thoughts when he felt Jared’s hand on top of his, rubbing his skin gently with his thumb. 

“You did the right thing, Jensen” 

“I’m not that sure” Jensen admits, letting go of the wheel for a few seconds to rub his eyes with the back of his free hand. 

“My sister died” Jared says “When I was five. We were playing together outside, I was supposed to  be  watch ing her but I… I don’t even know. I stopped looking, I didn’t think, I mean, I was only five and my mom was just in the kitchen. She could s ee us from  t here. But Julie, she…  s he ran across the street, and she was only three, you don’t think about danger when you’re three. She got hit by a car, and I didn’t  . . . .  I didn’t even realize it, not until I heard my mom screaming. 

She died right away. The car was going too fast and she was too small, too fragile. She always looked like an angel, a cute little thing, with long brown hair and beautiful blue eyes. My dad . . . she was his princess. When my mom was pregnant, he prayed to God I would be a girl. I wasn’t, and then I killed his princess. 

He was… he was furious. At me, mostly, but at my mom too, and he missed Julie so much, that he just… he started drinking. A lot. He would yell at my mom, at me, would hit us whenever he could, and one day… They had stopped having sex even before my sister’s death. I’m not sure why, and I don’t really care, but they had, and he… we looked alike, my sister and me. And I missed my dad, I missed him, his hugs and his kisses, so I didn’t… when he came to my bed, I was so fucking happy because I thought he loved me again. Then he started… he started doing those things. I told him to stop, but he wouldn’t, he would say that it was only foreplay, that I took all his happiness away, and that I owed him that. He said that he wished it was me, instead of her. And after a while, I wished it was me, too” 

Jensen pulled the car over to the side of the road without thinking about it twice.  Before Jared could ask what was going on, he had taken his seatbelt off and pulled Jared against his chest, holding him as close to him as possible. 

Jared’s whole body was shaking with ugly cries, his face hidden in his neck, and Jensen does his best not to cry, too. He wants this to be about Jared, and Jared only. 

“I’m sorry, Jared. For everything that happened to you” He whispers in his hair “But never  . . . never believe that you would be better  off  dead, because that’s not true”

Jared doesn’t answer, but Jensen doesn’t expect him too. He just wants to reassure him, to tell him that it’s fine, that he’s fine, and that no one – not now, not ever, no one will hurt him again. 

“I’m glad you’re alive” He says instead, cupping Jared’s face between his hands “I’m glad you’re alive and I’m sorry . . .  I’m sorry all of th o se things happened to you” 

He pushed Jared’s hair behind his ears before bringing their foreheads together. 

“I kept . . . I kept wondering if he was… If he was doing that to Julie, too” Jared  whispers , his voice breaking at the end 

“I can’t tell you if he was or not, but I can tell you that he isn’t hurting her  or you  anymore ."

“I know, but I-“ 

They both jump when Jensen’s phone starts ringing, his brother’s name appearing on the screen. 

“Shit” He groans, cleaning his throat before answering “Ye ah Shawn?”

“Hey, are you guys ok?”

“Yeah, we just-  w e’re  ok . I wasn’t feeling  good ”

“Ok, well, we 're stopped at  McDonalds because the kids were hungry”

“We’ve  only been gone for  an hour” Jensen points out “How often do  those kids need to eat?”

“A lot” Shawn laughs “I bet Jared and you could use some food, too” 

“Yeah, we ' ll be here asap” 

He hangs up the phone, focusing on Jared again. 

“They sto p p ed to eat a few miles away. You’re up to  it ?”

“Yeah, sure” Jared says,  wiping his eyes 

Jensen offers him another smile before starting the car again, his heart lighter and heavier at the same time, a bit of his pain and guilt disappearing, only to be replaced by Jared’s sadness and anger. 

He needs to ask how Jared knows Josh, but now isn’t the right moment. He doesn’t plan on letting Jared out of his sight for more than a few seconds anyway. 

They will have time to speak later. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No name for this chapter because it’s 2 in the morning. I will put it tomorrow. I just wanted you guys to be able to read it.  
> Tell me what you think of it ! Thanks you all for the support and to the others... well, glad you’re gone


	20. Carmen

"Daaad!" Riley whines from upstairs "Nathan won't let me have the top bunk!”

“Nathan, let your brother sleep in the bed he wants to”

“No! I don’t want to sleep with Lili, she keeps farting!”

“How many beds are in the room?” Josh asks his mother

“Well, the bunk bed that has a double bed on the bottom, and two single beds, but since Jensen’s friend needs one…”

Jared shifts from one foot to the other uncomfortably, holding his bag a little closer to him. They don’t want him here, none of them, and they’re making it pretty clear. Back at McDonalds, they “accidently” forgot to get a table with enough places, and it was only because Shawn took one of the little kids on his lap that Jared could sit. Well, that Jensen could sit, actually, since he took the free seat to him.

Shawn is nice. He’s like a lighter version of Jensen, a little funnier, less dark, less broken, too. He joked with Jared like he’s already one of the family, even through his mom keeps staring at him with her lips pressed together in dissatisfaction.

“We could sleep together” He whispers to Jensen “Or I can sleep on the floor. I don’t mind”

“What? Absolutely not!” Jensen whispers back “They can sleep with their parents if they’re not happy”

“Yeah but your family is pissed”

“Since when do you care about what people think of you?”

“I don’t” Jared defends himself “Just thought you would care”

“Well, I don’t” Jensen says with a wink

Jared dropped his head, not wanting Jensen to see his burning cheeks. It’s stupid. This crush of his, is stupid, and he’s stupid, he knows that. He's had men coming in their pants from nothing but looking at him. Had both gay and straight men begging him to let them touch him, but none of them made him feel as special as Jensen does.

He never blushed with them, never had this desire to be close to them. He likes sex, most of the time, but one look at Jensen makes him feel more things he ever felt in years of sex.

He won’t lie to himself, through. This isn’t new, at all.

Jensen and he met for the first time six months ago, but Jared already noticed him before that. He was in the grocery store when he saw Jensen, standing in front of the beer cooler, apparently not able to choose between all the different kinds. He doesn’t know why he noticed him or what he saw in Jensen that made his heart skip, but it did, and when he ended up in the police station two months later, he knew it was his chance to meet the man he couldn’t stop thinking about.

But he didn’t expect Jensen to be nice. He didn’t expect him to treat him like an human, let alone like a kid. He didn’t expect to find a friend. But he did expect his crush to fade, not grow.

“You can put your clothes on the right side of the dresser, I’ll put mine on the left”

“You don’t have clothes” Jared points out, letting himself fall on the bed. His back is still hurting from the drive, but he’s almost positive that a long, hot bath would put him back on his feet. Or so he hopes.

“Josh and my mom went to the store, I asked them to pick me up some things. I don’t need a lot”

Josh. Fuck. Jared almost forgot about that. The good thing is, Jensen doesn’t seem close to his brother, so there’s a good chance that if Jared tells him what he knows, he won’t kick him out of the house. Not that he planned on telling him right now anyway.

“I wasn’t too hard on your mom, was I?” Jared asks “I mean, back in the kitchen”

“You were perfect” Jensen smiles “I could have died when I saw that expression of horror on her face”

“Oh, that’s making it better!”

They both laugh, Jensen collapsing next to him in the process.

Jared turns his head discreetly, admiring Jensen from the corner of his eye. Now that he knows a little more about Jensen, he feels closer to him, like a bond was created between them. He's never shared Julie's story before today, and he’s almost positive Jensen never shared his  story either. It’s something special, to be able to talk about that with someone, to tell them secrets about yourself that you never even thought about sharing.

“You’re creepy” Jensen says, his eyes closed “Don’t stare at me like that”

“Like what?”

“Like I’ve got something on my face or something”

“Well, maybe you do. We’ve been eating burgers for almost a week”

“Fuck, I never thought I would say this, but I’m starving for some vegetables” Jensen admits

“Yeah, me too. You know what I would love? Zucchini. With like, anything”

“Zucchini? Really?”

“Yeah!” Jared says “You don’t like it?”

“Not my favorite thing, I have to admit”

“That’s because you've never eaten my special zucchini pie”

“Is that an invitation?” Jensen asks, opening one eye to look at Jared

“Well, if you’re nice enough, I will make you one”

“Oh, I can’t wait”

Jared smiles, discreetly sliding his body closer to Jensen. He’s not gonna touch him, of course, but maybe he can get a little closer, get some comfort from the heat emanating from his body.

“You’re good?” Jensen asks, turning toward Jared

“Yeah, just.. weird. Not tired or anything, but… yeah, I’m good, all things considered”

“I’m sorry for how they acted towards you earlier. They suck”

“Yeah, well, they will get used to me” Jared says before asking “What if they never catch him? What… what will happen to me?”

“Well, witnesses usually get a new identity, and they put put somewhere else, somewhere safe, and some agents will be assigned to keep their identity a secret, and them safe forever practically”

“But that’s for real witness protection” Jared points out

“Yeah” Jensen says “But it doesn’t change anything. Maybe you won’t have it done legally, but I’ll get us new identities, and that will be it”

“You would go with me?” Jared frowns, his heart missing a beat “You would abandon years of hard work, your family and your friends, for… for someone that you were ready to put in jail just a few days ago?”

“Hey, that’s unfair, I said I was sorry” Jensen defends himself “But yeah, I would. I've thought about it for years, so it won’t be that hard”

“You thought about what?”

“Disappearing. Just… walking away and never talking to anyone I know ever again. Selfish, isn’t it?”

“No. It’s doing what's best for you” Jared says “That’s what I did”

“It’s different”

“Not really”

They stayed silent after that, both of them losing themselves in their own thoughts. Jared wonders what it would be like, to get a place with Jensen, to build themselves new identities. He’s not sure he would love it. Why would he do? He doesn’t have any qualifications, no education, anything he knows how to do. All he's ever done was whore himself or do striptease, and he’s almost sure that you can’t get a job doing that on witness protection.

“But they’re gonna catch him” Jensen says “They’re gonna put that motherfucker in jail forever, and I’ll help you build a new life and you won’t have to wear shorts ever again”

“What makes you think I don’t like my life now?”  Jared asks, a little hurt

“Do you?”

“Well, maybe! You know, all of those things like wearing panties, and shorts, and crop tops, it’s not just for show. I love it. I love dressing like that. I love being attractive, and I love having so much fucking power over men” He says, sitting up

“Hey, I didn’t mean anything by it” Jensen defends himself “I was just trying to tell you that you won’t have to do it again”

“Yeah, and I’m telling you that if you expect me to turn into a nice little ordinary boy, then you should stop now because it won’t ever happen” He scowls, crossing his arms over his chest.

Fuck Jensen. Fuck all of this. He won’t let someone tell him what he can or can’t do again. What does he mean? That he should be ashamed of what he is? Well, he isn’t. He isn’t, because he likes it, he likes his clothes and he likes his independence.

“Fine. Because that’s not what I expect” Jensen says “Look, I’m sorry if I said the wrong thing. I can’t, fuck, I’m not good for all this talking thing” He sighs in frustration “I just meant that you would do whatever you want”

“I always do whatever I want”

“Yeah, I noticed” Jensen laughs “I’m sorry. For hurting you, that wasn’t my intention”

“You suck” Jared points out, still holding his arms tight around himself

“So I’ve been told. But know that I like you, with or without shorts.” He says, putting his arms around Jared's shoulders “And you like me even if I suck, right?”

“Not sure about that” Jared plays along, his anger fading away a little from the touch.

“What if I make you something with zucchini in it?”

“That could help, yeah”

Jensen smiles at him, bumping his shoulder with his before getting up from the bed.

“But my offer still stands. I will help you, whatever your plan is” Jensen says, winking at him again.


	21. If I'm gonna be alone, let it be with you

Growing up as the black sheep of the family means that Jensen has had his share of awkward dinners. From the not so discreet whispers every time he entered a room, to the side looks every time they thought he wasn’t looking.

He never got used to it, even if he tried. He always left with a feeling of shame, of hate and, much to his regret, sadness. How much of a bad person do you have to be for your own family not to love you?

But he doesn’t feel ashamed to have Jared next to him. He doesn’t feel sad because his family is judging him. He feels hate, of course, because that’s his general feeling toward them, but most of all, he feels happy. Because when he turns his head from the dirty looks and whispers, he find a pair of lovely eyes, glued on him, and a smile that could light up a whole room just by itself.

Jared doesn’t care that everybody hates him, and if he doesn’t care, neither does Jensen.

“So Jared” His mom said “What are you doing in life?”

“I’m still in school, ma’am” Jared says, a polite smile on his face.

“Oh, of course. And what are your future plans? What do you want to do after?”

Jensen tries to remain calm, not wanting anyone to notice his discomfort, but he’s chewing on the meal a little too hard and he can’t stop staring at Jared, praying to god that he doesn’t say anything about his real life occupation. He knows Jared is too smart to do it, but he also knows that he takes a distinct pleasure in embarrassing people.

“I want to start my own business. You know, from the ground up?  Finding clients and building a customer base ”

It’s far enough from the truth not to raise any suspicion while still being quite accurate, and Jensen finally allows himself to breathe.

“In what area?”

“Jesus, mom, it’s not a job interview” Josh says “Let the poor boy eat”

“Of course, of course, I’m sorry Jared”

“Not a problem, ma’am” Jared says, dropping his head to his plate again

Jensen frowns, his stare moving from Jared to Josh. His brother doesn’t look relaxed nor happy. He looks scared. Honest to god scared, with shaking hands and beads of sweat dripping down his forehead.

He thought Jared was scared of Josh, but he isn’t sure of that anymore because right now, they both look equally scared, and he can’t think of a decent reason to explain it.

Except…

_“My boyfriend is in the bathroom” Jared had said that night, back at the club._

And so was Josh, a few minutes later, ball deep into someone that Jensen assumed was just another girl, but maybe those soft moans weren’t coming from a girl, maybe that was Jared, all long.

He can see them, can see them perfectly. He doesn’t even have to try to think that hard. He can picture Jared’s long legs around Josh’s waist, begging him to fuck him, and he doesn’t want to see it, doesn’t want to see any of it, but he can’t think of anything else but his big brother stealing Jared from him.

“Jensen, are you alright?” Jared asks, a worried look on his face.

Everybody is looking at him, their eyes locked on him, but he doesn’t see them. He only sees Jared, with his big blue eyes and perfect lips. The bruises on his face are almost completely gone, the soft skin under them slowly reappearing.

“I need to get out”

He doesn’t wait for anyone to answer, not giving a shit about what any of their opinions would have been. He walks straight to the door, taking his jacket on his way out.

“Can I come?” Jared asks with a small voice, probably afraid that Jensen would leave him

“Yeah”

He doesn’t need to think twice about it. As much as he wants to be alone, there is no way he will leave Jared behind with any of them. He wants to be alone, but with Jared next to him.

They both exit the house quickly, not even bothering to give one last look at his family.

The air is cold outside, hitting them both right in the face, but Jensen makes the most of it, allowing his mind to focus on the cold instead of everything else.

They didn’t have time to go explore the town, but it looks beautiful. There are a few houses here and there, in an old style typical of the country.  Not a soul outside anywhere except them.

There are mountains far away, hidden behind the clouds, and Jensen wonders if they could go and see them closer, maybe even climb them. He heard his mother mentioning a castle up there somewhere, so he assumes they are accessible to the public. 

“Wanna talk about it?” Jared asks after a while “You seemed really upset”

“No” Jensen says, chasing away the thoughts that are coming back.

“Did I… did I say something?”

“What? No, it’s-“ He sighs, turning toward Jared before frowning “You didn’t take your jacket?”

“Well, you seemed in a hurry…”

Jared says it like it’s the most natural thing on earth. Like somehow, his own comfort didn’t matter as much as Jensen’s. It’s something he's noticed about Jared, how he would pretend that he doesn’t care about anyone else but himself while still doing what he can to meet others needs. He doesn’t think he’s aware of it. It’s probably something he developed through the years, a way for him to protect himself while satisfying his clients.

But Jensen isn’t one of his clients, and Jared shouldn't put Jensen's needs before his own.

Jensen takes his jacket off and puts it over Jared's shoulders, the too big garment swallowing him like a blanket.

“Here” He says “Wouldn’t want you to be cold”

“Thanks” Jared says, a light blush spreading on his cheeks “So? You want to talk about it or are we just gonna walk until we can’t feel our legs anymore?”

Jensen doesn’t answer right away, his eyes scanning the place for a place to sit. There’s a bench across the street, and he slides his arm around Jared, urging him to start walking.

“Let’s sit there. No need to stand up”

He’s supposed to take his arm off, but he doesn’t, enjoying the feeling of having Jared so close to him a little more than what he would dare to admit.

They sit as close to each other as they can, Jared providing the heat for both of them since Jensen doesn’t have his coat on anymore.

“You know my brother, don’t you?”

“I don’t-“

“Jay, please” Jensen cuts him off “Listen, I’m not angry. Well, I am, but not at you, alright?”

“I’m sorry. I should have told you” Jared admits “But I swear, I didn’t know he was your brother until I saw him at your mom’s house”

“I know” He says, trying to shut out the jealousy inside him. He’s angry at his brother for doing that to his wife, but he’s also jealous that he got to have something that Jensen can’t even dream of having without feeling guilty. “It was a one time thing, right?”

“I don’t know, I guess?”

“What do you mean you guess?” Jensen frowns, his heart picking up. What if Josh hurt him? What if he did something to him, the same way all those fuckers did before?

He’ll kill him. Plain and simple. He’ll slit his throat with his own nails if he has to.

“Well, Paige didn’t tell me anything. I know he came for Elsa a couple of times, and for Patricia, too. But I have no idea how many times for Paige”

“What? I don’t . . . what are you talking about?” He asks, unable to figure out what Jared is explaining.

“What are _you_ talking about?” Jared asks, suddenly unsure about his own answer

“I’m talking about you and my brother having sex”

“Ew, I didn’t have sex with your brother!” Jared says, slapping Jensen’s shoulder “You’re an ass!”

“No, I’m not! I saw the way you looked at each other, and you both went to the bathroom to… do your thing at the same time!”

“I didn’t go to the bathroom. The guy I was with did, but I didn’t go with him. I’m not a dirty bathroom whore”

“I never said that!” Jensen defends himself “I just . . . how do you know him then? If it wasn’t from that night?”

“Well, your brother is a regular client. Not of mine, but of Elsa, Patricia, and Lisa for awhile and now Paige I guess”

“Fuck” Jensen says, letting himself go limp on the bench “Four girls. He cheated on his wife with four different girls”

“Yeah. He knows I know him, and I guess he got scared I would tell you. Which I did, so maybe he was right to be scared”

“But you were scared, too” Jensen points out “Did you think he would hurt you?”

“No, but I was scared he would tell your mom what I am, and that you would… I don’t know… tell me to leave?”

“I won’t ever tell you to leave”

Jared shrugs his shoulders, not buying his promise, but Jensen knows better than to argue. Instead, he takes Jared by the shoulders and softly pulls him against him, until Jared’s head is resting on his shoulder.

Jared doesn’t protest, doesn’t even try, and a wave of relief goes through Jensen. He drops his head on top of Jared’s, his hair tickling his nose.

“You gonna tell her? Your sister in law?”

“I don’t know” Jensen admits “She’s pregnant, and they already have three kids. She'd be happier, if she doesn’t know anything. I don’t… I don’t want to ruin their family. What would you do?”

“I can’t answer this for you. But I think… I think that people should deal with their own shit. You could tell his wife, sure, but I think she already knows. I saw the way they act together, how she pushes his hand away every time he tries to touch her. They smile but it doesn’t reach their eyes. She already knows, but if you tell her, then she’ll have to admit it.” Jared turned around until he could look at Jensen “And even if you decide to tell her, you don’t have to feel guilty for saying what you think is right. You didn’t destroy your family. Your father did. And your brother destroyed his own”

Jensen’s throat is too tight for him to answer, tears already starting to fill his eyes. Fuck Jared and his way of knowing exactly what to say.

He sniffed, tightening his hold on Jared until there wasn't any more space between them.

“For a dirty bathroom whore, you’re not that bad”

Jared laughs, hiding his head in Jensen’s neck, and a smile spreads across Jensen’s face, like every time he hears Jared’s laugh.

“Come on, we should go home”

Jensen is the first to stand up, extending his hand to Jared, who accepts it gladly.

“Your mom’s gonna be mad. I don’t think she really likes me”

“Yeah well, my mom doesn’t like me either so who cares?”

“Maybe if you didn’t storm out during family dinner…”

“Oh come on, you were glad I took you out of it”

“No I wasn’t! I didn’t even get dessert!”

They keep talking as they make their way towards the house, Jared complaining about not having eaten enough while Jensen assures him that he ate plenty, but finally agreeing on stealing something from the fridge before turning in.

They both pretend not to have noticed that Jared never let go of Jensen’s hand, their fingers interlacing and rubbing each other from time to time, as if it was the most natural thing in the world.


	22. Hold me, Thrill me, ...

Jensen woke up to the sound of his phone vibrating next to him, a look of annoyance crossing his face as he tried to shut it off for the second time.

"What?" Jensen grunts not even bothering to open his eyes.

“Am I waking you up, sleeping beauty?”

“Jeff?” Jensen whispers, finally opening his eyes “No, I was just-“

His eyes caught sight of Jared next to him, laying half on him, half on the bed. They’ve been here for two and half weeks already, and he stopped counting how many time he woke with Jared next to him.

The first time, Jared blamed it on the coldness of the room, and Jensen could only agree with him.

The second time, he blamed it on a nightmare, and Jensen wasn’t totally sure it wasn’t the truth.

The third time, it was too much light coming from the windows, and after that, he simply stopped finding excuses.  Just slipping into Jensen’s bed whenever he felt like it. 

Jensen usually wakes up when Jared comes in, but right now, he has no idea why Jared is in his bed, or when he joined him, but he looks too peaceful for him to kick him out.

“I was already up” He lies “Any news?”

“We’ve got him under surveillance. I can’t tell you much, because we still don’t have any hard evidence, but if everything goes as planned, we should get our search warrant in less than a week” 

“Fuck” Jensen whispers with a sigh “That’s fucking great, Jeff”

“Yeah. But nothing is a done deal so keep it locked down for now. How’s the kid doing?”

“He’s good. Really good” Jensen says, staring at Jared as he turns over throwing his legs over Jensen “But he’ll be better once the asshole is behind bars”

“I bet”

“How’s the team?”

“They’re wondering why you left. Trevor has been asking a lot of questions”

“He has?”

“Yeah. They think you had some kind of meltdown I think” Jeff says “Hope that’s not the case”

“No, I’m good. This whole vacation's actually been pretty good”

“Glad to hear that, boy. You’re sure the place is safe?”

“Yeah. But we’ll be moving in a few days. Don’t want to stay in the same place for more than a few weeks”

“Good idea. Listen, I need to get back to work, but I’ll call you as soon as I’ve got something. Take care of your boy, alright?”

“Thanks Jeff, take care of yourself”

He hangs up, dropping the phone back on the nightstand behind him  trying not to wake Jared up.

It’s still quiet in the house, the kids still recovering from their night out, while their parents are trying to get what sleep they can.

He’s almost sure his mom and Danneel are already up, since both insisted on staying home after Jensen told them that Jared and him wouldn’t be joining the rest of the family, choosing instead to go to see a movie together. When they got home at eleven, both women had already gone to bed.

“I want to stay in bed forever” Jared mumbles against his chest “This is the best bed ever”

“Yeah, so that's why you started drooling in your sleep huh?”

“I do not!” Jared defends himself with a laugh

He rolls away from Jensen, stretching his long body as much as the single bed allows him too. Jensen tries not to stare too much, but it’s hard when he can see the soft skin of Jared’s stomach, appear every time he moves.

“If we’re going to sleep in the same bed, we may as well do it in the big one” He says, closing his eyes again. “You sweat too much at night”

“Says the man who snores”

“Doesn’t look like it’s bothering you too much” Jensen laughs, throwing his arms around Jared and pulling him close until he can hide his face in his hair “Swear I never saw someone sleep for ten hours before”

“Probably because they never stayed with you that long.”

“You son of a-“ Jensen says, sliding his fingers under Jared’s shirt as he starts to tickle him

“No, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I promise!” Jared pleads, a smile already spreading over face.

Jensen doesn’t acknowledge his pleas, and soon enough, Jared is a laughing mess, moving every way possible as he tries to get away from Jensen's nimble fingers.

It’s childish. There isn’t any other word for it. He’s a 35 year old man sleeping until nine waking up and tickling the teenager lying next to him. He should feel ashamed. A part of him does, his mind screaming at him that he’s exactly like his dad. But another part of him is having the time of his life, and he’s not ready to stop.

It’s like waking up from a dream that's lasted years. He can’t remember a time when he was this happy, this free, and maybe he’s allowing himself to do things that aren’t age appropriate, but he doesn’t give two fucks about it.

“Uncle! Uncle!” Jared yells breathless from laughing, his legs moving to encircle Jensen’s waist

Jensen doesn’t have any choice but to stop. He's laughing too hard to keep going. He’s on top of Jared, his body pinning him down and they’re laughing and smiling so much, that when he meets Jared’s shinning eyes, he’s overcome with happiness and joy.  He doesn’t think twice before gently kissing him on the lips, realizing too late what he's just done.

He doesn’t know who’s more shocked Jared or him, but neither of them seems able to move after that.

“Fuck, I’m-“

“Jensen, you, Oh!” Danneel says as she opens the door without knocking.

“Hey, we were just…messing around” Jensen says, getting up from the bed. Danneel’s face is burning with. What? Anger? Jealousy maybe? Jensen isn’t sure and he doesn’t really care. All he wants is for her to leave so he can apologize to Jared. “You wanted something?”

“I was wondering if you wanted to come for a walk with me, but I guess you’re busy.”

“I… “ He should go with her. Beg her not to say anything of what she's seen to his mom, but he knows what he says next will directly impact Jared. “Yeah, I’m busy. Maybe another time?”

“Sure” She says, a little taken aback by his answer. “I'll see you at breakfast, whenever you’re done… doing whatever it is you’re doing”

“We’ll be there” He says with a smile, even through she doesn’t return it.

She closes the door, and for the first time ever, Jensen wishes she would have stayed. Dealing with her would have been easier than dealing with his own mess.

“I’m sorry. For what I did. It’s-“

“It was a kiss, Jen. You didn’t ask me to marry you or anything” Jared laughs, sliding out of bed “It’s fine, I promise”

“I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable”

“You’re gonna need to do more than that to make me feel uncomfortable” He winks, walking to the bathroom “But I’m calling first for the shower”

“Yeah, sure, go ahead” Jensen says, stepping out of the way.

He waits until he can hear the sounds of the water before letting himself fall back on the bed. His head is spinning with everything that just happened, with the lack of reaction from Jared and his own unclear feelings.

He'd spent his whole life hating his father. Wishing, begging, that one day, he would wake up and someone would tell him that there had been a mistake, that his dad wasn’t his real dad.

How easy would that have been? He wouldn’t be tied to him anymore. He wouldn’t have had to look at his own reflection in the mirror with so much hate, because even the slightest resemblance made him sick.

He wouldn’t have had to separate himself from everyone. To destroy any relationship before it even began, for fear of hurting someone.

He wouldn’t have had chose to disappear and live in his car after what happened with Justin. He would have stayed with his family, a different family, who would have loved him and supported him through the traumatic event.

Maybe, just maybe, he would have enjoyed the feeling of happiness he had when his lips met Jared’s. He would have closed his eyes and kissed him more, because Jared’s lips were as soft and delicious, as he’d been dreaming they would be for too long now.

Maybe he would have been able not to hate himself for loving Jared. To say fuck it, that an almost twenty year age difference isn’t that much. That they both deserve to be happy, and they get each other, better than anyone else.

But no one ever came.

“Do my shorts say ‘I’m a whore’  or just ‘I’m a twink’?” Jared asks, standing in front of Jensen with nothing but his shorts on

“They say ‘It’s fucking winter but I want to get pneumonia and die’”

Jared rolled his eyes, giving him the middle finger in the process, before walking towards the dresser.

“Where did this come from?” Jared asked, holding a cherry red zipper hoodie in his hands.

Crap, Jensen forgot about that.

“I bought it, last time we went shopping. It’s, uh, I don’t know, I thought you might like it” He scratches his head, too uncomfortable to even look at Jared.

It was a great idea, and he’s sure Jared loves that hoodie, but given the fact that he kissed him twenty minutes ago, now isn’t exactly the perfect time to give it to him.

“I fucking love it!” Jared says enthusiastically “It’s the best hoodie ever!”

He doesn’t wait before pulling it on, and fuck, it does look good on him, not that Jensen even doubted it would. The white “BABY DOLL” lettering contrasts perfectly with the red of the hoodie, and with his shorts on, it only makes Jared look hotter.

“I can’t believe you bought it for me” Jared says, a little too soft “Thank you”

“I bought you underwear too but I think you’re getting a little too sentimental over a hoodie, don't you think? Jensen asks with laugh, even through he’s a little embarrassed by the whole thing.

“Yeah, but I was with you when we bought the underwear. You picked this out just for me, because you knew I'd like it” Jared says, so softly that Jensen is afraid is heart is gonna pop.  Overloaded with too much affection for the boy.

“Glad you like it” He replies, trying to put a stop to the conversation.

Jared, however, doesn’t seem ready to move on. He keeps his focus on the hoodie, tracing the fabric with his fingers and looking at himself in the mirror.

“You know” He says “I’m not mad. About the kiss, I mean”

“I shouldn’t have done it” He hurries to say “I . . . I’m here to protect you. Not to… do that. I just… got caught up in the moment, I guess”

“So you didn’t like it?”

“I-“ Jensen stops when he hears the sound of his mom coming upstairs, and lets go a sigh of relief. For once, he was happy for his mom to be here. “Can we talk about this later?”

“Yeah, sure” Jared says, a little disappointed

Jensen wishes he could just say fuck it and lock himself in the room with Jared until they can figure things out. He needs to apologize, big time. But he also needs to know how Jared feels after the kiss. He wants to be sure that Jared doesn’t feel used, in any way.

But right now isn’t the time.

“Come on, they’ve been waiting for us for long enough”

“Danneel probably told your mom that we were fucking” Jared laughs

“This isn’t funny!” He frowns, opening the door of the room

“Yeah, it is!”

Jared laughs harder, walking past Jensen to get ahead of him, and Jensen takes the opportunity to poke him in the ribs.

His mom sends him a hard stare, but Jensen decides to ignore it, too happy with the knowledge that he didn’t completely fuck up his relationship with Jared.

“Hey mom” He says, a little too cheerfully “We were coming down. You wanted something?”

“Yes, we’re going to the Chrismas Market. Are you guys coming with us?”

“Yeah, I promised Jared we'd go”

“Great” She says, her stare switching from Jensen to Jared “Darling, maybe you should put on something more appropriate. . .for the season I mean. It’s really cold outside”

“No, it’s fine, don’t worry”

“Are you sure? We wouldn’t want you to get sick”

“I have a jacket on” He points out

“I’m not sure that will be enough”

“Well, Jensen will give me his”

“Oh sweetie, I don’t think that will happen”

“Why not?” Jared asks, frowning

“That was Justin’s jacket. He doesn’t let me touch it”

Jensen closes his eyes, his jaw clenching. If thoughts could kill, his mom would be dead right now. Like everything wasn’t complicated enough, now she adds Justin on top of everything.

“He let me wear it” Jared points out, a little offended

“He did?”

“Can we go?” Jensen asks impatiently “I need to warm up the car before we go”

“Sure” His mom says “We will talk about it later”

“Don’t have anything more to talk about” Jensen says, putting his hand on Jared’s hip to make him move “Come on, Jay, let’s go”

Jared follows him without any protest, but he can feel how edgy his body is. Great. Like they needed that.

They put their shoes on, but in a silent mutual agreement, neither of them takes a jacket. The satisfaction of making his mom angry being too strong.

The car is frozen, the windshield completely frosted over. Jensen opens the car door and lets Jared in.

“Aren’t we supposed to scrape the windshield?” Jared asks

“I don’t want to spend an hour on it” Jensen admits “Plus, we’re not in any hurry. I saw the kids throwing cereal at each other”

“Can’t you at least start the car?"

“Come on, it’s not that cold”

“Yeah, it is!” Jared says, pointing toward the windows “We can’t even see what’s outside”

“Are you saying that we should have taken our jackets and that you should have put some real pants on?”

Jared thinks about it for a moment before sliding deeper into the seat. Jensen laughs before doing the same, letting his head fall back.

It’s so quiet, so peaceful, that he could fall asleep right away. The holidays have actually been good for him. He’s been able to sleep, to eat, and to simply rest, much more than he had for years now. He looks and feels better, all that thanks to Jared.

“Was Justin your ex boyfriend?” Jared asks unexpectedly

“Told you I’m not gay nor bi”

“Yeah, but you kissed me so I figured you weren’t that sure about it”

“It, It’s different with you” Jensen says uncomfortably

“Do you… do you think I’m not a boy? Because I wear shorts and panties or some shit like that?”

“What? No!” Jensen defends himself “Stop thinking I’m that much of an asshole. I’m just a regular one”

Jared can’t stop himself from laughing, and instantly, the air in the car warms up. Like a wave of sunshine just hit it.

“So? How am I different?”

“You… I don’t know. You make me feel different. It’s not about you being a boy or a girl, it’s about you being you. It’s… shit, I don’t know Jay, it’s the way you act and how you talk. Hove how you think, too. It’s-like, I feel as if we’re connected. You make me feel more alive than I’ve been for years now. You make me see the world differently”

Jared looks at him without blinking, like he stopped breathing right on the spot. Jensen, on the other hand, can feel a ball in his stomach getting bigger and bigger by second as he realizes what he's said.

“And here I was just expecting you to say I had a cute ass or something like that” Jared says

“You . . . I . . .“ Jensen is so caught off of guard by the joke that he can’t even comprehend it at first. “I- Well, yeah, I don’t think someone needs to be gay or bi to find you attractive” He laughs, still feeling too awkward. “You know, I don’t . . .it’s not sexual. It’s just I've never bonded, with someone like that before. Maybe I shouldn’t have told you that. But I don’t want to lie to you. I want you to know that you can trust me"

“When you say that it’s not sexual, you mean that you don’t find me attractive?” Jared asks, moving a little closer to Jensen

“It means that I won’t do anything like I did this morning ever again”

“Because you don’t want to?”

“Because I don’t want to force it on you”

“But what if . . . what if I want it?” He says, his eyes moving from Jensen’s eyes to his lips “What if I want you to kiss me again? But for real this time?”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea” Jensen admits, his throat so tight that it’s hard to swallow.

Jared is only a few inches away from him now, so close that he can almost feel his breath against his skin. He’s not sure if Jared’s testing his limits, trying to see what Jensen will or will not do, or if he really wants this.

“But you want it. And I want it” Jared says “I never . . . I never wanted someone else like that. The things you feel, I feel them, too. You make me happy, Jensen, and that hasn't happened in so long”

“I don’t want to abuse you, or to. . .“

“You’re not. Whatever it is you think you’re doing, you’re not. But if you don’t . . . If we don’t do this, I think we'll be missing out on something. I . . . I don’t know what will happen between us. If it’s gonna last forever or for one hour, but I know that I want to happen”

“I’m old” Jensen says, almost as a plea for Jared to understand

“I’m almost sixteen. It's legal in a lot of states”

“Yeah, but you’re still a kid”

“Come on Jensen, we both know that it isn’t true” Jared says, a sad smile on his face “Did I read it wrong? Do you really not want this?”

He wants this. He needs this. More than anything, more than everything. Maybe he’ll regret it later, maybe they will both end up suffering for it, but he knows that if he doesn’t do this, he’ll regret it for the rest of his life.

“Whenever you want this to stop, I’ll stop.  And I'll still be there to protect you, alright?”

“Yes” Jared throws himself on Jensen’s lap before Jensen can do anything.

He kisses him right away, his lips finding their way to Jensen’s his legs on either side of him. The first touch of their mouths is electric. The whole world around them stops.

Jensen knows how to kiss. He knows what it’s like, how it makes you feel.  But he's never had it feel like this. It was never this intense, with any of his previous girlfriends.

Jared’s lips are soft, a perfect contrast with the way he kisses Jensen. With a devotion and hungriness that he never thought possible.

Jensen drags him closer, until their bodies molded together. His hands are moving everywhere from Jared’s hair to his legs, to his ass until he feels Jared grinding against him.

In one swift movement, Jensen rolls them over until he’s on top of Jared. Jared's legs tighten around his waist as he tries to get more friction.

“Shit” Jensen says, moving from Jared’s lips to his neck “You’re perfect”

He doesn’t know if it’s what he says or the way their dicks are moving against each other, or maybe it's the little spot he starts biting on, but either way, a loud moan escapes Jared’s lips, the sound going straight to Jensen's dick making it harden even more

“Mooom, Uncle Jensen and Jared are jumping in the car! You said we couldn’t do that!” Riley yells from outside the car

Jensen jumps away from Jared right away, trying to arrange himself correctly before his sister in law shows up.

“Fucking kids” He complains, pushing down on his dick to try to calm it.

“Yeah” Jared laughs, still short of breath

Jensen own breath is taken away when he looks at Jared.

If depravity had a name, it would be his.

His hair is messy, his cheeks red and his eyes shining with lust and excitement. His lips. His lips are fucking destroyed, swollen and red from all the kisses they shared.  His shirt drooping off his shoulder from all the activity.

He was beautiful. Simply beautiful.

“Do I look ok?” Jared asks,

“You’re beautiful,” Jensen admits “Fucking glorious”

Jared blushes furiously, biting his lip to hold back his smile.

“So I should stay in the car?” He asks

“Oh yeah, definitely. They can’t see you like that” Jensen laughs “I'll tell them we’re ready to go. Wait here, ok?”

“Yeah, sure”

Jensen opens the door of the car, ready to step out, but before doing so, he takes Jared by the hand and pulls him towards him so they can kiss again, softer this time.

“I . . . Uh, I'll be right back” He says, clearing his throat

His brothers and sisters in law are already putting the kids in the car, but he can see Shawn looking at him laughing, while Danneel refuses to even meet his eyes.

He should feel embarrassed, and he does, but happiness overwhelms it easily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry (late) Christmas to those who celebrate ;)   
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter !


	23. No need to run and hide

When he was younger, Jensen had a teacher who told them that if they made weird faces and that there was a strong wind, they would stay stuck like that forever.

He never believed her, knowing full well that if it were true, Shawn would have been stuck with his mouth wide open and his eyes crossed for a long time already.

But it’s been two hours since Jared and he kissed, and yet, his smile still hadn’t left his face, even through he tried to make it disappear.

He almost succeeded, then he spotted his mom and Danneel looking at him out of the corner of his eye, whispering to each other as if he couldn’t see them. He could feel himself getting angry, but then he turned his head, and Jared was there. A huge smile on his face as he showed Jensen yet another tree ornament he thought looked like a butt plug.

“I don’t see it” Jensen admits “I think you may have an unresolved fantasy”

“Wanna do something about it?” Jared asks with a wink

“Shut up” He replies, shoving him off playfully

He really wants to slide his arm around Jared’s waist and to bring him closer to him, maybe even kiss him, but bringing attention to themselves isn’t the best idea.

“Stop looking at me like that” Jared whispers

“Like what?”

“Like you want to… I don’t know, eat me or something”

“I could kiss you instead, but given the way you kiss, I may as well be eating you”

“You don’t like the way I kiss?”

Jensen takes a quick look around before sliding behind Jared with his mouth right next to his ear.

“I love it” He whispers, kissing his ear

A light blush spreads over Jared’s face but he answers Jensen’s kiss by pressing against him, until they're close enough that he can put his head on his shoulder.

“I love the way you kiss too” He whispers “I really, really do. Through I feel like I haven't had enough of them”

“I agree” Jensen says “But there’s more where those came from”

Jared laughs, mumbling something about Jensen being stupid as he walks toward another stand.

“Do you celebrate Christmas?” Jared asks

“No. I usually work that night. It always gives me a good excuse not to come to my family's dinner, and lets the other people on my team stay home with their kids”

“Do you miss it? Working, I mean?”

“Kind of. I love my job. I love what I do, I love most of my team. It makes me feel good about myself, knowing that I’m helping people. That thanks to me, there are less criminals out there” He spots a stand of hot chocolate and walks towards it. “But it’s been good, to get away from it. I’m not as tired as I usually am, I’m more… I’m lighter. Better. It would be even better if my family wasn’t here, though”

“I like Shawn”

“Yeah, Shawn is great” Jensen says, ordering two hot chocolates “And you? Do you miss it? Your job, I mean”

“Do I miss being a whore?” Jared laughs

“Well, I don’t know, maybe you like it? Some people do” He defends himself, sitting on the bench in front of them.

There are kids running everywhere. Some parents are running behind them while the others don’t seem to care.

“I don’t hate it” He admits “It’s… I feel empowered, when I do it. I’m the one deciding which men I want or don’t want. I decide what I want to do or not. Well, most of the time at least”

Jensen grimaces but doesn’t say anything. If he could, he would strangle every one of the men who hurt Jared with his bare hands.

“But I don’t like the after. I feel… dirty. Really dirty. Like I’m not good at anything else but getting fucked. It’s partly true, you know? I don’t know how to do anything but that. I left school when I was thirteen and half. I can’t…. I don’t know what I'll do, if I don’t whore myself out anymore”

Jensen's throat tightened listening to Jared's words. How can Jared think so little of himself? Can’t he see how special he is? How amazing he is? Can’t he see himself the way Jensen sees him?

“I don’t think that’s true” He says, clearing his throat “I don’t think you’re only good at selling yourself, and I don’t think that the fact that you quit school so young means anything. I didn’t graduate either, and I’m far from stupid. Well, I think at least”

“You didn’t go to college?”

“Nah. I dropped before graduating”

“You did?” Jared asks, surprised

“Yeah. I had a really shitty year, and it was just too much. Everything was too much. I was still living with my mom at that time, but that was only making it worse so I left. I lived in my car for a few months before JD found me”

“You ran away too?”

“Yeah” Jensen laughs “See, we have a lot in common”

“I never doubted it” Jared admits

Jensen smiles softly, sliding closer to Jared until their shoulders are touching.  Surprisingly, the cold doesn’t seem to bother Jared, even though his legs are bare.

It’s nice, to be able to talk about his past without feeling judged, and to know that Jared feels comfortable enough to talk about how he feels too. Now, his main mission will be to make Jared understand that he isn’t as incompetent that he thinks he is.

“What did you dream of doing? I mean, when you let yourself think about it?” 

“It’s… really dumb. Like. Really” Jared says, biting his lip

“Come on, tell me. I won’t laugh”

“A teacher” Jared says, almost ashamedly

“Really?” Jensen asks surprisely

“Yeah. I know it sounds stupid, but uh, it’s something I would like, I think? Being able to help kids, to teach them something. It’s… I think when you’re a teacher, you can help kids change their lives”

“Did one of your teachers help you? Back then?”

“No” Jared says “But he could have. I mean, he did, in a way. I… I told him, what my dad was doing to me, and he… he did the same thing”

“What do you mean he did the same thing?” Jensen asks, his heart skipping a beat. He hopes it’s not what he thinks it is. He hopes he misunderstood what Jared just said.

“He raped me” He confesses “He… He raped me, and I came home and thought ‘This won’t happen again. I won’t let anyone do that to me again’, so I started thinking about how to run away. How to get money and where to go”

“Jay, I’m so sorry for what he did. It’s- fuck, It makes me so mad!”

“It’s ok. If it hadn’t happened, I would probably would have stayed with my dad. And believe me, that was way worse than any of the things I lived through after”

“Still. I wish I could go back and protect you from all of them”

“Then we wouldn’t meet” Jared points out

“Maybe we would have. In a different place, in a different way.” Jensen says with as much confidence that he can. He then takes Jared by the shoulders and holds him against his chest, not carrying about the others anymore. To the casual observer, they probably look like brothers or maybe father and son. “And you can be a teacher. You just need to go back to school”

“Easier said than done”

“I'll help you. And if it doesn’t work, we'll find something else for you. Maybe you could start your own business? Like you told my mom?”

“You need money to do that, and I don’t have a lot. I lost all my money when you-know-who broke into my apartment”

“I have money. I’ll give you some”

Jared leans away from Jensen’s embrace a hurt expression on his face.

“I don’t want you to pay for me. That’s not what this is about”

“Jay, you need to stop being offended every time I talk” Jensen says, taking his hand “I’m not doing it because we’re… together. I’m not doing it to buy you, or to put pressure on you. I’m doing it because you deserve it. I would do the same thing for any of my friends”

“I’m not used to people doing things for me just because they like me” Jared admits

“Well, you should get used to it” He says, dragging Jared back into his arms “Because you’re not even sixteen, which means that you’re still a kid, and kids don’t work”

“So what? I just go back to school like nothing happened?”

“Yeah, I think that would work”

“I don’t know… school is… I don’t like it” He says, putting his head on Jensen’s shoulder “I don’t like the other kids. I mean can you imagine? I missed so much of it. Almost three years! And if someone found out I was a whore, my life would be over”

“Then do school at home. Until its time for college. Or whatever you want to do”

“It’s scary” Jared whispers “Why everything is so complicated? I wish we could just… I don’t know, go somewhere, hide from everyone and just not give a fuck about the rest”

“Still an option” Jensen says “I’ve always dreamed of disappearing. I'd take my car, drive away, and never come back. After I ran away from my family, JD convinced me to reconnect with them. I shouldn’t have”

“It’s not too late to do it” 

“Yeah, maybe” He sighs, closing his eyes and savoring the cold air against his skin “We could buy a a farm or some shit like that. Somewhere where no one knows us. Where we can just be ourselves, you know?”

“Yeah. I love that idea. But we have to take Baby with us. I love that car more than I love you”

“Of course we do” Jensen laughs “I would never leave either of my Babys behind”

He can feel Jared smiling as he pushes himself closer to him.

Running away used to mean being alone. Lost in a dark place with no one to look out for him. He would drink until he couldn’t remember his name. And he would have died that way if not for JD.

Now, running away means love. It means being with Jared, making him smile and being happy together.  Not caring about the rest of the world.

The funny thing is that he doesn’t think that running away is something that he wants anymore. Why would he run away when he already has everything he needs here, right in his arms?


	24. Chapter 24

"That was so cool" Jared says, flopping on the bed "I want to go back everyday"

“Children screaming and running, glitter everywhere, cold, a weird old dude that's supposed to be Santa, and oh yeah, Danneel holding mistletoe over my head for me to kiss her. That’s not what I call “cool”” He sighs, joining him on the bed

Jared laughs, rolling over until he ends up sitting on top of Jensen, his legs on either side of his body.

“Stop being an old grump like that. I know you had fun”

“Yeah, I did” He admits, sliding his hands around Jared’s hips. God, those hips. He can’t even imagine what they’re capable of, but he has a pretty good idea.

Back at the Christmas market, Jared insisted on showing him how he well he could dance, and Jensen has to admit the guy can move his ass just fine.

“I know you did” He says “You’ve been smiling all day. With teeth and everything”

“I had some good company, that must be why”

Jared smiles, bending over so he can press his lips against Jensen’s. He doesn’t use his tongue at first, simply applying gentle pressure, increasing as time goes on.

Jensen isn’t sure of what to do. If he was with a girl, he would slide his hands down her ass and maybe even in her panties. But he isn’t with some random girl. He’s with Jared. Sweet and damaged Jared, and he doesn’t want to do the wrong thing, because God knows Jared has a tendency to over think everything. Not that Jensen blames him. With a life like he's had, trying to figure out every move or word is important.

“Touch me” Jared whispers, moving his lips to Jensen’s jaw “I want it”

“It’s too soon” He says “I don’t want us to rush”

Jared stops kissing him, lifting his head until he can get a better look at Jensen.

“You don’t want to?”

“Don’t” Jensen says, dragging his body closer to him “Don’t let your pretty head get all worked up. I want this. I want you. But I don’t want to ruin everything”

“You won’t” He reassures him “I don’t want to wait any longer, I think we’ve wait plenty long enough already”

Jensen smiles, pushing Jared’s hair behind his ear. He knows Jared is telling the truth, that he wants this, really wants this, and he does, too. But a part of him is still worried he’s doing the wrong thing, that he’s just like his dad, maybe even worse than him.

“We don’t have to do it all the way” He finally says “Maybe we could take it slow?”

Jared thinks about it for a moment before nodding, a satisfied smile on his face.

“Yeah. Ok. We can do that”

Jensen secures his arms around Jared before making him roll over, pinning him down with his body. He starts kissing his neck, slowly going back up until he can bite his ear lobe, a soft moan escaping Jared’s lips as he does.

With his legs around his waist, Jared tries to pull him closer, making his body move just enough for them to have some friction over their dicks.

It’s a weird feeling, to feel someone's dick against yours. It’s not as strange as Jensen thought it would be, just different. He’s not sure if he will know what to do once he's be face to face with the beast, but it shouldn’t be more complicated than being with a woman.

“Feels good” Jared moans when Jensen starts biting on his sweet spot “Too much clothes”

“I Agree” He says, leaving Jared’s delicious skin long enough to get rid of his shirt and push Jared’s hoodie off of him.

Last time he saw Jared naked, there were bruises all over his body, purple and yellow, some old and some news, all mixing together and linked by the traces of someone’s teeth on them. It was awful, made him feel sick to his stomach to know that someone could do this to another human being.

Now, though, Jared’s skin is clear as ever, not a mark of any sort on it, as perfect as the day he was born.

“You’re beautiful” Jensen says, his fingers tracing Jared’s rib cage “So beautiful”

“You’ve said that before” Jared laughs “But thanks. You’re pretty good looking, too”

Jensen shakes his head, a smirk on his face as he leans down to kiss Jared again. He can feel Jared’s fingers slowly making their way toward his crotch, and he decides to do the same, his fingers shaking a little from the excitement.

“We can get naked, right?” Jared asks

“Only if you want to”

“If it was up to me, you would already be ball deep inside my ass, Jensen”

“You kiss your mom with that mouth?”

“Yeah, but I also suck dicks with it”

Jensen can’t suppress a laugh, his whole body shaking with it.

“Such a smartass”

“I’ve been told, yeah”

Jared finally slides his fingers inside his pants, slowly stroking Jensen over his underwear. His hand is still a little cold from outside, making him shiver. He doesn’t know if it’s because he hasn’t had sex in a year or if Jared is really good at it, but he doesn't remember it being this good.

He comes back to his senses and focuses on Jared again, slowly sliding his own fingers into his pants, only to be stopped by Jared’s other hand.

“You don’t have to. I know you've never done it with another man so you can just enjoy it for now. I don’t really need it”

“You don’t need it?” Jensen asks with a frown

“Yeah, I don’t need you to touch me. I can take pleasure from just watching you”

“I want to touch you” Jensen says “I want to make you feel good”

Jared smiles, letting go of Jensen’s hand so he can keep going.

The fact that they’re still wearing their pants doesn’t make things easy, but when he starts to stroke him, slowly going over the head of his dick, he hears Jared moaning softly right in his ear.

“Can we take our pants off?” Jensen asks

“Please yes”

Jensen gets rid of both of their pants as fast as he can before returning between Jared’s legs. This time, there’s only a thin layer between them, creating even more contact.

“Wanna try something” Jensen says as he starts moving against Jared, making sure that their dicks are pressing against each other as much as possible.

He stars rutting against Jared, the whole bed shaking with it as he goes harder, trying to gain more friction. He takes one of Jared’s legs and lifts it up until he has more access, thrusting even harder and faster against him.

“Keep going!” Jared begs, trying to meet Jensen’s thrusts

Jared’s begging goes straight to his cock, and Jensen starts to rut harder, their balls hitting against each other every time, their bodies melding together.

Pre cum is already leaking out of Jensen's cock and he feels like a kid again, bursting into his boxer unashamedly.

But there’s no shame here. Not even a ounce of it. There’s only lust.  Lust, desire, adoration and love.

Jensen feels like a teenager, because he doesn’t remember adult sex being this good and so full of emotions.

“I’m gonna cum” Jared moans, curling his legs around Jensen to get him closer “I can’t- I can’t hold it”

“Don’t hold it” Jensen whispers, kissing his throat. God, how he wants to suck on that beautiful skin. He gets closer to his ear, until he can talk right into his ear “Come for me, love”

Jared’s movements becomes erratic, trying to get Jensen closer while at the same time trying to gain more pressure, until he finally comes, a deep moan escaping his throat as he does so. Jensen tries to suppress the sound by pressing his lips against Jared’s, but it only seems to make him moan louder.

Jensen follows him quickly, coming with what he hopes is nothing more than a whisper. He collapses on top of Jared, exhausted. They breathe heavy against each other, making it hard to find a normal rhythm again.  But Jensen doesn’t care.  Laying here feels too good to move.

“Think they heard us?” Jared asks

“Don’t know. Probably not”

“That was really good” He adds “Sorry for coming so fast, though”

“It was perfect” Jensen says, kissing him softly, his fingers sliding in his hair “You were perfect, and you don’t need to apologize. For anything”

Jared smiles, pouting his lips for Jensen to kiss him again, which he does happily.

“Come on, sleep baby” Jensen says, rolling over before dragging Jared against his chest “We’ll clean everything up later”

“it’s gonna be sticky” Jared points out, even though his eyes are already closing

“Then we’ll be sticky together”

Jensen doesn't argue the point. Jared is already softly snoring in his arms. Jensen joins him, too comfortable to care about anything else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year !


	25. Are You Ready for the Fallout?

Jensen opens the fridge, looking for something to eat while trying to be as quiet as possible. It’s two in the morning, and everybody is still sleeping, including Jared who’s still tucked under the blanket, right where Jensen left him.

Today, they spent the day in the forest, to be “closer to the nature” like his mom said. It was cold, the kids were angry, but it gave him a good excuse to hug Jared as much as he wanted.

It’s been four days since their first kiss, and Jensen's insatiable need for Jared is growing deeper every day. All his frustrations from the last couple of months, maybe even years, are finally fading away, and he tries to shower Jared with as much love as he can.

Jared is as bad as him, discovering for the first time what a true relationship is and craving even slightest touch from Jensen.

“Hey” He hears behind him

“Hey Josh” He says, closing the fridge door while holding a yogurt in his hand “Hungry too?”

“Yeah. Too much physical activity for me”

“I bet” He replies, trying to sound as sympathetic as possible. “Well, have a good snack. I’m going back to sleep”

He doesn’t wait for his brother answer, walking away as fast as he can without being too obvious. He doesn’t want to stay with him any longer than necessary and he kind of misses Jared’s warm body already.

“You know” Josh says, a little louder so Jensen can hear him “I find it pretty ironic, that you spent years hating dad just to end up doing the exact same thing as him”

“I’m not like dad” He defends himself, clenching his jaw

“No, you’re even worse. At least dad picked a good girl, a nice one. You? You picked a boy, who looks more like a whore than anything else”

“You don’t talk about him like that” He warns him “And you mind your own business”

“Oh, but this is my business. Because you brought your fuckboy near my kids! It wouldn’t even surprise me if you payed him to have sex with you.”

“Yeah because you know a lot about that, don’t you?”

“What does that mean?”

“You think I don’t know? You’ve been fucking prostitutes for months. Hell, you even did it when I was right there in the club with you!”

“I don’t know what that little fucker told you-“

Jensen doesn’t let him finish his sentence, pushing him brutally against the wall  until his brother’s feet don’t touch the floor anymore. Josh put his hands on top of Jensen’s, trying to get him to stop.

“Disrespect him again, just once! And I’m gonna beat the shit out of you until you can’t get up” A part of him is yelling that he should beat him up right now. Slam his stupid head against the wall until there’s nothing left. Make him pay for everything he did to him, to his own wife, to his kids and to Jared. But he doesn’t. “I know what you did. I know you’ve been fucking around. And I know that you know what Jared really is. But if you say anything, if you do anything against him, I’ll go and tell everybody what you did. I will tell your wife, mom, Shawn, and even your fucking kids. You won’t see any of them again. You’ll be just like dad, another shitty man in their life that no one will ever love again. So now, you’re gonna take your fucking snack and go back to your room, and you won’t ever talk about Jared again. You get it?”

Josh eyes are full of fear and tears, looking at Jensen like he would look at a monster. But he nods, agreeing to everything Jensen just said.

He finally let go of him, taking back the yogurt he dropped on the floor before walking up the stairs, not sparing a second look at him.

He’s not even surprised to find Jared wide awake, standing discreetly behind the door.

“Hey sunshine” Jensen says, walking in the room and closing the door “Let’s go to bed, alright?”

Jared nods, sliding under the sheets with Jensen, dropping his head on his chest. Jensen starts to rub his hair slowly, trying to calm himself and to put the anger aside.

“You heard everything, didn’t you?” He asks

“Yeah” Jared admits

“I can’t believe him. How can he… how can he say that I’m worse than our dad?”

“He’s the one acting like your dad, you know?” Jared says “You’re not the one acting like him. He is. Because your dad and your brother, they’re destroying their families, their children's lives. They care about nothing but themselves. Us, it’s different. We… we love each other. We care about each other. We’re not putting anyone else's life at risk but ours. You’re not like your dad, Jensen. Not even a little”

Jensen doesn’t answer, his throat too tight. He just lays on the bed, his eyes glued on the celling, while Jared’s fingers are gently rubbing his skin, trying to comfort him as best as he can.

He knows he looks like his dad. He knows that having sex with a teenager is something is dad did, that it’s part of the reason he hates him. But he doesn’t think like his dad. He doesn’t feel like he’s using Jared, nor does he feel like a pedophile.

Jared is right. He’s not hurting anyone. If anything, Jared and him are helping each other out, and that’s what should matter. He isn’t that old and Jared isn’t that young either.

He shouldn’t feel guilty for loving someone, and he won’t.

“We should leave tomorrow” He says “I don’t want to be near them anymore, and we’ve been here for too long already”

“Where will we go?”

“I don’t know” Jensen says “Maybe just drive and stop whenever we feel like it?”

“That’s a plan” Jared replies, dropping a kiss on Jensen’s shoulder “I don’t know if it will make you feel better, but I’m gonna turn sixteen in less than six months, and the consenting age here is fifteen and six months. Considering we still didn’t have sex, you didn’t do anything wrong”

 “Yeah, you’re right”

“Of course I’m right. Now, give me a kiss and open the yogurt because I’m super hungry”

“I took it for me!”

“There’s no such thing as mine between us, Jensen” Jared says “I’m still waiting for my kiss by the way”

Jensen rolls his eyes, shaking his head as he leans in to kiss him. Like every time they kiss, it doesn’t stay innocent for long, Jared dragging him closer to him as he deepens the kiss. 

“Hey Jensen” He says, breaking the kiss “I wanted to thank you for earlier. The way you defended me to your brother, I really appreciate it”

“No need to say thank you. But I want to say sorry, for what he said. He’s a real dick”

“Yeah, he is. But after tomorrow, we won’t have to see him again”

“You sure you don’t want to stay until Christmas?”

“Hell no. I want to go as soon as possible. We'll celebrate Christmas together”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Maybe we won’t have a tree, but we can buy some food, make some pie and all of that”

“I would love that” Jared admits

Jensen winks before kissing the top of Jared’s nose, rolling off of him to finally open his snack. He doesn’t even have time to take the first bite before Jared takes it out of his hands, pushing the spoon in his mouth.

When Jensen is about to protest, Jared puts some yogurt on his lips, pouting, asking for a kiss that Jensen is only happy to give him. 

 

Miles away from them, JDM sends a text to Jensen to inform him that his team burst into Ventimiglia's apartment, only to find it empty, except for new pictures of Jared, dated one day ago.

The text never makes it to Jensen’s phone.

It’s only a matter of hours, now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick question : do you rather have one chapter per week, one per day, one every two day...? It's up to you so let me know ;)


	26. Time for a Snack

" Are you sure you have to go?" Shawn asks, for the third time “I know mom's been a bitch, but it’s Christmas”

“Yeah, we do” Jensen sighs. He hates hurting Shawn like this, but between Josh and his mom, it’s been too hard for Jared. He won’t say it to Jared, but his police instincts are also sensing something. Like they’re being watched. He knows that's not the case, otherwise, JDM would have called or texted him by now. But something doesn't feel right, so he decides he needs to take precautions.

“Jared and I have some things to work out, but once we're done, maybe you could come and see us at home? We could have a late Christmas or something like that?”

“Yeah, that would be awesome!” Shawn says, a huge smile on his face “You know, I’m really happy for you. You seem happier than I've ever seen you, and Jared is a really good guy”

“I’m really happy” He admits, looking at Jared who’s waiting for him in the car “And he is. He’s a really, really good guy”

“You know, as much as I love the guy, coming out to all of us by banging him until he screams wasn’t the best idea”

“Shit, I didn’t think you could hear us” Jensen grimaces, a little embarrassed “But we didn’t, I mean, we didn’t do it all the way. Just so you know, I wouldn’t do it with all of you in the house”

“First, your boy is really vocal” Shawn laughs “And second, I wouldn’t care if you were fucking right in front of us. Well, a little, but I would still be happy for you. I just don’t think mom will ever look at you in the eye again after all she heard” 

“You know that's more positive than negative, right?”

“You’re stupid” Shawn grins before opening his arms “Come on. Give me a hug”

He doesn’t have time to answer before Shawn is pulling him in, hugging him as tight as possible. He can’t remember the last time he hugged Shawn. Well, he can, actually. Shawn was eight and had slashed his knee wide open. He asked Jensen to hug him the whole way to the hospital. It was more than twenty years ago, but he still remembers it perfectly.

Shawn was small against him, just a kid with ugly tears running down his face. Now, he’s thirty two, his body almost has big as Jensen’s. Married, with two kids. The tears on his face are long gone, replaced by a wide and happy smile, but he’s holding on to him the exact same way. Like a little kid asking his big brother for protection and love.

“You take care of the two of you, Jensen”

“Yeah” Jensen says, breaking the hug “And you take care of your little family. I’ll call you soon. Maybe we could go and see a movie together?”

“I would really like that” Shawn replies, “Come on. Your lover is waiting”

Jensen took Shawn in his arms once again, just because he can, before joining Jared in the car.

“You’re good?” Jared asks

“Yeah” Jensen smiles “I’m really good”

He leans over and kisses on his lips before starting the car. The music immediately begins screaming from the radio and Jared is already singing, his hair flying with the air from the open windows.

“Come on Jensen, sing with me!”

Jensen laughs and does as he is told, screaming the song from the top of his lungs. He’s good. He’s fucking good.

 

 

“You want something to eat?” Jensen asks when they stop for gas

“No, I’m fine”

“Sure?”

“Well, if there are potato chips involved, I’m not saying no”

“Alright so potato chips. Anything else?”

“Well, a soda would be good. No, two sodas. We never know. Oh, and could you get me something sweet? Like chocolate or cookies. Actually, can you get chocolate AND cookies, please”

“But other than that you don’t want anything”

Jared sticks his tongue out to which Jensen answers by shaking his head, grinning. He puts the gas nozzle back in place before walking to Jared’s window for a kiss.

“I'll be back in two minutes. Close the windows and lock the doors, alright?”

“Yes sir!” Jared salutes him mockingly.

Jensen laughs and pops another kiss on his lips before walking into the gas station.

The guy behind the counter is an old man and when Jensen greets him, he responds with a grunt and a scowl.

Jensen doesn’t get it right away, until he realizes that there’s a camera filming the cars, which means that the man probably saw him kissing Jared.

He responds to the man by giving him an even darker stare back, until the old man is forced to drop his eyes in embarrassment. He would be damned if he let an old fucker like that shame him.

He starts doing his shopping, buying everything Jared asked for and adding things for himself. He doesn’t know how tall Jared is gonna be, but if he keeps eating like this, he may well end up being taller than him!

He wonders how long it will take for JD to arrest Ventimiglia, but he hopes it won’t be too much longer. Spending all the day with Jared is amazing, but he misses his apartment, and most of all, he misses his job.

He can’t remember the last time he spent so much time away from work. There was this time, two years ago, where he got so sick he couldn’t come in for two whole weeks. It was his first time off in years but it still wasn’t as long as this has been now.

He can’t wait to start his new life with Jared. They still have some things to work out, but just thinking about waking up next to him is enough to send a wave of happiness through Jensen.

One of the first things they need to do is go shopping and redecorate the whole apartment. He never bothered to do anything in it, not even taking his things out of the boxes. But now, he wants to do more. He wants to bring life to it, he wants to bring Jared’s spirit into it. He wants it to become _their_ place.

Maybe he’s getting too excited about it, but he doesn’t care. What if it doesn’t last? He wants to make the most of this relationship. Wants to feel alive and happy. He wants Jared to feel safe and loved, too. So goddamn loved that he won’t even be able to breathe.

“Pump number three and all of this” He says, putting his things in front of the man.

As the old guy starts scanning his items, Jensen decides to check his phone. JD still hasn’t called, and it's starting to worry him. Did he find anything? Did he have to wait for the search warrant again?

He sends him a text asking those very same questions and adding some more, before paying for the food.

He’s about to walk out of the store when his phone rings, JD’s name appearing on the screen.

_“Hey Jeffrey”_

_“Where are you?”_

_“Why?” Jensen frowns, recognizing the panic in Jeffrey’s voice_

_“Where are you? Is Jared with you?”_

_“We’re at the gas station, Jared is waiting in the car”_

_“Go check on him. Now!”_

Jensen starts running, his heart pounding as he tries to figure out what is happening.

The car is still there, and for a few seconds, his heartbeat goes back to normal. Until he sees that Jared’s window is open, and he’s nowhere to be seen.

His heart drops and freezes in his chest. It feels like he's slammed into a brick wall.  Blackness creeping in from the corners of his vision. 

No. This can’t be happening. He can’t lose Jared now, he can’t lose him! He promised he would protect him, keep him safe. He can’t lose him!

He holds his breath as he gets closer to the car, hoping, praying to see Jared inside. To see him mocking Jensen with his adorable smile, for overreacting.

But Jared isn’t there. He isn’t in the car.

Jensen starts running around, screaming Jared’s name but no one answers him, and he quickly understands that he won’t find him here.

Jared is gone.


	27. Oh, The Guilt

“He’s not here” He whispers, afraid of saying it out loud “He’s not in the car!” 

What happened? Where’s Jared? He promised he wouldn’t get out of the car! He promised!

“Jared!” He screams “Jared!”

“Jensen, the cameras. Go check the security cameras!” Jeffrey voice coming from the phone in his hand, pulls Jensen out of his panic.

Jensen tries to calm down but he can’t, because Jared isn’t here! Something happened, and now Jared isn’t here and he doesn’t know where he is!

“I can’t let anything happen to him Jeffrey! I can’t!”

“We’re on our way Jensen. I’ll be there in less than an hour, I promise. I’m gonna call the police there and ask them to set up road blocks, but we need more info on what we're looking at!”

Jensen runs into the gas station, leaping behind the counter not giving a shit about what the man is yelling.  He rewinds and begins to scan the footage from the camera covering the gas pumps.

He sees himself kissing Jared before walking away as Jared closes the windows, and locks the doors like Jensen told him to.

Seconds later a black car speeds into the parking lot and stops in front of Baby.  A man gets out of the car, and Jensen can clearly see the gun in his hand.

Please don’t kill him. Please don’t kill him. Please don’t-

The man points his gun from outside of the car, right at Jared’s face. Jensen's stomach twists as he watches Jared open his window before opening the door and following the man to the car.

Jensen wanted to start screaming again.  He was right there! If he'd just bothered to glance up he'd have seen the whole thing happening on the video screens behind the counter.  He could have stopped them from taking Jared. But no! His stupid ass was so absorbed in his own fucking thoughts that it didn’t even occur to him that Jared would be vulnerable. He failed him! He fucking failed him, and now Jared is in danger because of him!

“I’m going after him. I’ll find him” He says to Jeffrey

“Jensen, you need to wait for reinforcement, you can”t-“

“I’m going. I won’t leave Jared alone with that fucker”

He hangs up before Jeffrey can answer and runs to his car, starting the engine throwing it in drive and punching the gas.  As the tires scream on the pavement Jensen grits his teeth and tries to block all the horrific images of what could be happening to Jared from his mind.

He starts driving, searching for the black car he saw on the camera footage. How long had passed since then? Ten minutes? Fifteen? They could be anywhere. They could have changed cars and ditched the old one somewhere. There could have been two different cars, and Jensen could be after the wrong one.

Jared could be dead.

No, Jensen would feel it if he was dead.

Jared could be dying, scared and hurt, praying for Jensen to find him.

Ventimiglia could be… he could be raping him. He could be passing Jared around letting his men gang rape him. Letting them take turns violating him  Beating him. Leaving purple bruises all over his body, like the ones he had when Jensen saw him in the hospital. Jared could be hoping to die right on the spot because death is a better option than being raped again and again.

Jensen stopped the car, his eyes filling with tears. No. He can’t let himself go now. He can’t. He needs to focus, for Jared. 

He drives for three hours, but there’s no trace of Jared nor of Ventimiglia. Maybe he’s not even going in the right direction, maybe they’ve already left the State or they took a plane and flew to another country.

“Hey Jensen” JDM says as Jensen enters the motel room the team rented to use as a command center. He looks tired and by the way he won't look Jensen in they eye, clearly feeling guilty.

“Do you have any news?” He asks, not looking at JDM, focusing instead on the black and white still pictures taken from the gas station security camera hanging on the whiteboard at the front of the room. 

The lone bed had been shoved into a corner, and two folding tables had been set up in its place.  Laptops showing traffic cams from several surrounding areas were being carefully scanned for any sign of the black car.  Two other officers were pacing with phones glued to their ears, speaking urgently to whoever was on the other end.  A police scanner squawked from a side table, the roadblocks checking in with each other reporting no sightings yet.

“No. Still nothing. But he won’t be able to leave the country. I have airports within a hundred mile radius on alert and I've sent pictures of them to every local agency in the state, we’ll find them”

“We better”

Jensen doesn’t know who to be more angry with. JDM, who somehow fucked this thing so bad that Ventimiglia succeded in finding and taking Jared right out from under his nose, or himself, for not being careful enough in protecting Jared. He was so caught up in his little bubble of happiness that he forgot to be careful. If he had focused enough, if he'd have checked in with JDM he would have been able to see it coming.

“We’ve got another problem” JDM whispers

“All I want to do is to find Jared, I don’t give a shit about the rest, I-“

“We’ve got a mole”

“What?” Jensen says, clenching his jaw.

“I sent you a text, to let you know that Ventimiglia had pictures of Jared. But someone changed your number in my phone and you never got it. I realized it when you sent me a text and it wasn’t from the right number.”

“But who? Who would do that?” Jensen whispers, scanning the other men in the room. Is the mole here? Is he in the room with them, searching for Jared and pretending to care?

“I’m on it. I will find out who it is. But until then, don’t talk to anyone but me, alright?  Don't trust any info that doesn't come directly from me."

“Do you know who it is?”

“I have an idea, but I can’t tell you anything right now. I’m working on it”

“Right” Jensen sighs, rubbing his eyes “I’m gonna go and check the traffic cams again. Maybe we missed something”

“Yeah, you do that. I’ll let you know if I find anything”

Jensen turns to go when his phone starts ringing, making him stop in his tracks.

“You gave your number to someone?” JDM frowns

“Only you” Jensen answers, his eyes glued on the phone. “Hello?”

“Jensen” Jared says, his voice shaking with tears

“Jared? Where are you? Are you ok?” Jensen's heart skips a beat

“I-Please help me, I-I-“

“Jared? Jared! I’m coming, I promise you, I’ll find you, do you hear me?”

“Jared can’t talk right now” Another voice, calm, smug, and full of venom takes over the conversation

“Ventimiglia” Jensen says, clenching his jaw “I swear to god, if you touch him-“

“You won’t do anything because you won’t find us. I just wanted to let you know what happens when you touch what is mine”

“Jared isn’t yours”

“Oh yeah, he is. I might be a little pissed at him right now, sure, but he’s still my pretty little toy and I’m sure we can work it out”

“Don’t you fucking dare touch him!” Jensen wanted nothing more than to crawl through the phone and get his hands on this son of a bitch.

“I’m gonna do more than touch him. I’m gonna kiss him so sweetly, kiss every inch that sweet skin of his, then I’ll slide my hands around his neck and squeeze until he begs me to stop. I'll wait until he can focus again, then I’ll tear his ass up.  Shove my cock in dry while he screams till his throat is raw.  Then maybe I'll let my boys have him for a few rounds.  Let them take turns until he bleeds. But don’t worry, I won’t let him die. I love him too much”

“I’m gonna find you” Jensen promises between his teeth “I’m gonna find you, and I can promise you that you will regret the day you were born”

“Maybe” Ventimiglia says “But until then, I’m gonna have fun with my little dancer”

Ventimiglia hung up before Jensen can say anything else.

He fights the urge to break the phone in two, knowing that if he does so, Jared won’t be able to call him again.

“Jensen-“

“Tell me you were able to trace the call" He says, eyes closed “Please tell me you know where they are”

“We will find them”

“When?!” He yells “After he kills Jared? After he tortures him? I won’t stay here and wait. I’m gonna find them. Now!”

He’s out of the room in a heartbeat, slamming the door on its way.

Everything is too hot and too tight. He needs to get out, needs to find Jared, but he doesn’t know where to start.

Ventimiglia’s words are echoing in his mind, as well as Jared’s broken voice. Jared is crying, he’s in pain and Jensen isn’t fucking there!

How can this happened? He’s supposed to be the best police officer, and he couldn’t even protect Jared.

He tries to think back about everything Jared told him, every little detail he knows about Ventimiglia from the things he loved to drink to the position he sleeps in.

“My little dancer” It’s something that got Jensen’s attention. He knows that Ventimiglia saw Jared for the first time when he was doing a striptease, but why would he call him that? Jared is a lot of things, and even though he’s a good dancer, it wouldn’t be the first nickname that would cross Jensen’s mind.

Ventimiglia isn’t scared. He's smug, so full of himself he thinks he's untouchable. His pride makes him overconfident Jared told him that once, and in the few seconds Jensen had talked to him confirms it. Ventimiglia isn’t hiding, because he doesn’t think Jensen will find him.

Jensen stops the car and changes direction. He won’t find anything driving around. He needs to look for somewhere where no one would say anything if a rich man walks in with a beautiful boy on his arm. Somewhere wealth bought you privacy. Somewhere men like Ventimiglia could show off and play with their toys and not have to answer any questions.

He needs to find Jared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to my beta who did a lot of work on this one


	28. All I Could Do Was Cry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning : violence and torture in this one.

"Are you sure about this Jensen?" Jeffrey asks, even though the whole squad is already there. 

“You need to trust me on this one” 

“I do” Jeffrey assures him “But if you’re wrong-“

“I’m not wrong”

“Then let’s do this, son”

\----------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“Again” Ventimiglia says,  taking a sip of the drink  in his hand 

“Please let me stop” Jared begs, his legs shaking with exhaustion “I can’t do it again”

“A-Gain” 

Jared lets out a cry before starting to dance again, the thorns sinking deeper into his feet with each move. 

He doesn’t know how long he’s been here, but it must be hours, maybe an entire day even. After he followed the man back at the gas station, someone knocked him out. He slept through the entire drive, and when he opened his eyes again, he was tied to a chair, naked except for a pair of panties, and high heels with thorns on them that dug into his feet. 

It hurts. It fucking hurt like hell. Felt like his skin was being ripped off his body. Ventimiglia started by taking his belt off, whipping Jared across the chest and arms with it, over and over until Jared was a crying mess, begging him to stop. 

Jared passed out from the pain and trauma, but when he woke up, he couldn’t focus properly, his mind too foggy for him to think. That’s when he understood that someone had drugged him. He felt hands on him, but he couldn’t tell what they were doing or who it was. All he could do was ask for Jensen again and again. But Jensen never came. 

“So pretty” Ventimiglia says,  his hand sliding around Jared’s right ankle “And yet, so stupid” 

Jared doesn’t dare contradict him, trying to swallow back the disgust he’s feeling. He would rather die than have him touching him ever again. 

But he doesn’t have a choice, and Ventimiglia is already pulling him up, positioning him to slide over his lap, his hands holding his ass. 

“So long since I’ve been inside that pretty ass of you” He whispers, squeezing  Jared's ass hard leaving finger shaped bruises on his skin  “I’m gonna break you in two until you can’t walk” 

Tears are running down Jared’s face as he tries his best to stay quiet. Ventimiglia grabs a hand full of his hair, pulling it brutally, to make Jared throw his head back, before starting to bite his throat. Ventimiglia's teeth tear viciously into Jared's skin until blood is pouring down his chest.

“Boss” A man says, entering the room “I think we should move” 

“I’m busy” 

“I know, but-“

“I’m busy!” Ventimiglia yells

“Sorry boss. I’m just worried they’re gonna find us”

Ventimiglia sighs, getting up suddenly, throwing Jared on the floor. 

“They won’t look for us here. We ' ll put some bloody sheets in a motel room, and that will be it”

“Bloody sheets?” The man asks “Do you want us to find some?”

“Nah, I’ve got it” He says, winking at Jared 

Jared swallows hard, knowing all too well what that wink means. He turns his head away, not wanting to look at  Ventimiglia , when he notices the other man. 

He recognizes him. He can’t remember exactly where, but he is sure remembers seeing his face. Where was it?

Jared's thoughts are interrupted by a painful blow to the face, sending him falling backwards, hitting his head on the floor. 

“You don’t have enough of one dick? You want his too?” Ventimiglia s creams “Fucking whore”

“I’ll le ave you two alone” 

“You do that, Trevor”

Trevor. He’s the guy on Jensen’s team! He saw him back at the police station and Jensen talked about him a few times. 

But what is he doing here? And why is he calling  Ventimiglia b oss? 

“On the bed, slut”

His head swimming from the drugs and pain, Jared succeeds in getting up and limping to the bed. He’s ashamed to admit it, but he’s glad to finally be able to lay down. His whole body is in pain, and he’s not sure he would have been able to dance again if he was told to. 

He sees Ventimiglia walking toward him, some ropes in his hands. He starts by tying his hands to the bed before doing the same with his feet, until Jared is spread out on the bed unable to move at all.

He knows what Ventimiglia loves. He loves to inflict pain, to humiliate. He's done things to Jared that he won’t talk about to anyone, not even Jensen. It made him feel disgusted with himself for weeks.  The memory of it even made him throw up a few times. 

Why is this happening to him again? He was so happy. He was so fucking happy. He doesn’t want it to end, not now. 

He wants more time with Jensen. He wants to spend lazy Sundays in bed, eating pancakes and licking syrup off each other. He wants to hear Jensen’s laugh, wants to hear his voice again. Kisses and movie night, birthdays and Christmas together. Just the two of them. He wants to feel love, just a little longer. 

“I’m gonna ruin you” Ventimiglia says, a sadistic smile on his face. 

It’s the last thing he sees before a blindfold is tied over his eyes. 

Jared closes his eyes, trying to push away what's happening. Maybe if he focuses enough, he won’t feel anything. Jensen told him about agents who were so mentally strong they could project themselves into a safe place to fight against feeling the torture. 

Maybe he could do that. Maybe he could imagine himself with Jensen, somewhere far away from this. They would be together, just the two of them, with no one to bother or judge them. He can picture them, in Jensen’s apartment, in his bed under the covers, safe and protected in his arms. 

Ventimiglia tore his panties off, and Jared tries to focus harder. 

He can do this. He can. He just needs to focus harder. 

Ventimiglia dry fingers are pushing between his ass cheeks, and a tear slides down his face. 

He can’t do this. He’s not strong enough. 

He wants Jensen. He needs Jensen. Why can’t Jensen come? Why can’t he save him? He promised he would save him! 

There’s a huge noise but he can’t see what's happening. He feels Ventimiglia leaving the bed and he hears screaming and shooting. 

His heart leaps out of his chest. Did someone come to save him? 

“Jensen!” He screams “Help!” 

“Shut  up! ” Ventimiglia says, pushing something in to Jared’s mouth 

He can’t tell what is it, but he can’t push it out with his tongue. He tries to scream again but he doesn’t make any sound. 

He hears Ventimiglia's footsteps moving toward the door before there’s an even deeper sound, like something just exploded in the building. 

His ears are ringing from it and he tries to move his hands but he can’t. Is he dying? What if it’s not the police? What if someone is here to kill him? 

He thinks someone is calling his name, but he isn’t sure. 

He can’t talk, can’t see, can’t move, and all he feels is pain, deep pain on his chest, his face and his feet. Deep pain in his mind because he’s dying, and he doesn’t want to. 

Someone unties the ropes from his hands and feet, followed by the blindfold. But he doesn’t open his eyes. He doesn’t want to face reality again, he’s not strong enough. 

“Calm down baby, I’m here” 

Jensen. Jensen is here. No. Maybe it’s not. What if it’s not? He’s imagining it. It’s all in his mind. Maybe he’s already dead. 

He's pulled against a chest, and he recognizes Jensen’s smell right away. 

Jensen is here. Jensen saved him. 

He cries, holding on to Jensen as tight as he can, refusing to let go. 

“It’s ok. It’s ok Jay, I’m here now” 

“I was so scared” Jared  sobs , tears running down his face  la nding on Jensen’s chest “It hurts, it hurts so much”

“I know, I know love. We’re gonna get you to the hospital, they’re gonna take care of you”

“Please don’t leave me. Stay with me, I’ll be good  I promise. P lease stay with me”

“I’m not letting you go. Do you hear me Jared? I’m not letting you go. Ever. I promise” 

He feels Jensen taking his bulletproof vest off and putting it on him, before taking his jacket off and tying it around his waist. 

“I can’t walk”  Jared cries, “I can’t”

“I’m gonna carry you” Jensen reassures him, putting his hands under his legs. “We’re gonna get out of here, but I need you to close your eyes, alright?”

“Why?” 

“Just trust in me, Jay” 

“I trust you” He replies, closing his eyes and hid ing his face in Jensen’s chest. 

There’s a deep, strange burning smell in the air, but he tries to get past it. It doesn’t matter anymore. 

He’s safe. Jensen saved him. 

 

 


	29. Pillow Fort

Jensen is sitting on a chair, holding Jared’s hand while the other is rubbing his hair. It’s not the best position, with his head resting on Jared’s lap, but he wants to be as close to him as possible.

“Hey” Jared says, trying to open his eyes. He’s still too tired to stay awake, but he tries. “What day it is?”

“Monday” Jensen replies, pulling Jared's hand to his lips. “How are you?”

“Good. Tired of being here”

“The doc said it won’t be long”

“They said that two days ago” Jared complains, “The food isn’t even good”

“My poor baby” He mocked before kissing him, “There’s no point in you going home right now, I have too many things to do”

“Things that I can’t know about?”

“Things that you can’t know about” Jensen replies, pushing his hair behind his ears.

Jared doesn’t complain and Jensen is grateful for that. It’s been a week and a half since they arrested Ventimiglia, but unfortunately, it was just the beginning of a long and hard road to a conviction.

They need to write long detailed reports listing evidence, witnesses and their different testimonies, forensics, lab reports, video and audio analysis, phone records, all in order to explain to the jury what happened and how. Then hopefully they come to the conclusion that Ventimiglia was responsible for all of it.

But it’s like digging into a never ending hole. The drug traffic leads to murders, which leads to robberies, which leads to prostitution and even human trafficking. Ventimiglia was big, Jensen knew that, but every day they find new evidence that implicates him in activities that are even darker and more disgusting.

Even more than that, the fact that an agent was part of such a business is causing a lot of issues. How many cases did he interfere with? How much evidence did he destroy or tamper with? How long has he been doing it?

From what they know now, Trevor has been on Ventimiglia's payroll since before joining Jensen’s team, but he wasn't as able to get by with as much on Jensen's team as he'd been able to with his previous boss. So he slowed down a little, knowing that Jensen was watching every move he made. That was until he saw Jared at the police station.

It was his chance to make his move in Ventimiglia's organization.  He tracked every move Jensen made with Jared and reported it all back to Ventimiglia.  When it came time to snatch Jared, Trevor was able to swap phone numbers in JDM's phone insuring Jensen had no idea he was being watched. The only hitch in his plan was Jared recognizing him even through the drug induced haze Ventimiglia had him in.  In the end it would be Trevor making a deal with the DA to testify against Ventimiglia that puts the final nail in his coffin.  One regret Trevor has is that it is Jensen he has to tell everything to. And see the look of betrayal on his face as he does.

The fact that Jared is a victim means Jensen has to take particular care with the case. Jensen needs to do things that he knows Jared wouldn’t understand or would make him feel ashamed. Yesterday Jensen had to listen to Ventimiglia tell him in horrific detail all the awful things he did to Jared over the time he knew him. Jensen had to write everything down so it could be use against Ventimiglia at trial. He will never tell Jared what he knows, even if he could. He wants him to be able to keep what little pride he still has.

“How are your feet?” Jensen asks

“It still hurts when I walk”

 “Then don’t” He says, “Rest, you don’t need to walk right now anyway”

“You’re not the one glued to the bed” Jared points out

Jensen bites his lip before getting up.

“Scoot over” He says “Come on, hurry”

Jared did as he was told, a wide smile on his face when he realizes what Jensen is doing.

The nurse is gonna kill him, but seeing Jared happy is worth it.

He slides into the bed, Jared finding a spot in his arms right away.

“Now we’re both glued to the bed”

“Emilie is gonna kill you” Jared laughs “She said you couldn’t do this”

“Only if she finds out”

Jared laughs softly, pressing himself closer to Jensen until one of his legs is over his and his head resting on his chest. Jensen slides his fingers in his hair and starts rubbing his scalp, knowing all too well how much Jared loves it.

“I hope I get better soon” Jared says “I want to be there for your ceremony”

“How do you know about that?”

“Derek told me” He says “He came in the other day”

“He did?”

“Yeah. He’s nice”

“What did he tell you?”

“Nothing really, just wanted to introduce himself properly. So did I” He grimaces, thinking back to the day he met Derek. “He said that there will be a ceremony to thank you for arresting Ventimiglia. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I’m not going. Nothing to be proud of”

“I disagree” Jared frowns “You saved me, Jensen”

“It happened because I didn’t protect you”

“It happened because Ventimiglia is a bad guy, and because he was my client to begin with. You saved me, you came for me, and you arrested him. There’s a lot to be proud of”

Even though he disagreed, Jensen doesn’t protest. He knows that Jared is right, but he still feels like he failed him, Jared still suffered because of him, and there’s no way he’ll ever forgive himself for that. Him finding where Ventimiglia and his men were was nothing but luck. He remembered Shawn telling him about the house on the mountain, the biggest house he'd ever seen, with a pool and Jacuzzis in every bedroom. He also told him about the stripper pole in one of the rooms, and Jensen knew instantly that if Ventimiglia took Jared anywhere, that would be it. The biggest, brightest, and most luxurious house he could find.

“I need a suit” Jared points out “Can’t really go with my short-shorts, can I?”

“No indeed” Jensen laughs “I need to go to work, but I can leave you my credit card”

“You’re sure?”

“Yeah. Buy anything you want. Well, don’t buy a tv or anything like that, though. But feel free to buy, I don’t know, dishes or things like that. I planned on going to the store but if you find things online, that’s good for me”

Jared smiles, one of his hands coming to cup Jensen’s face has he guides him closer to him until they kiss.

“Thank you, for trusting me” He says, going for another kiss. “I’m gonna buy at least fifteen pillows”

“Please don’t”

“I love pillows” Jared says, taking the computer Jensen lent him “Would you rather have pink or purple ones?”

“I’m gonna regret this aren't I?”

Jared laughs as Jensen pulls him closer, kissing the top of his head.

“Buy as many as you want, love” Jensen says, “We can always do a pillow fort if we have too much of them”

“When do you leave for work?” Jared asks, a little bit of hope in his voice

“Not until you’re ready to go back to sleep”

He spent the rest of the day in Jared’s bed, going over different websites to find items that satisfied both of them.

He can’t wait to get Jared home with him. Until then, dreaming about their home has to be enough.


	30. Spirits

"Jay, you ready?" Jensen asks, looking at his watch.

The ceremony is supposed to start in an hour, but he would like to get there a little early. That is, if Jared ever gets out of the bathroom.

He was finally able to come home a few days ago, and Jensen gladly took another week of vacation to stay with him. Now that the pain is gone and that the drugs have worn off, he’s back to his usual self, which apparently also means spending two hours in the bathroom doing God knows what.

“Ok, you tell me if it’s too much”

He's about to sigh in annoyence when his eyes catch Jared. His mouth falls wide open, taken aback by the picture in front of him. Glorious. There was other word to describe him. He’s wearing a blue suit that make his eyes even brighter than usual, while the shape fits his body perfectly. He changed his hair, too, brushing it to the side to make himself look a little older.

“Is it too much?” Jared asks “I’m not sure about the hair. I can change it”

“Don’t you dare” Jensen warns. Standing in front of him, putting his hands on Jared's hips and pulling him closer “You’re gorgeous”

“Yeah?” He asks playfully “How gorgeous?”

“Well, so much that I’m thinking about locking us in here and never leaving again”

“We can do that after the ceremony” Jared winks, taking Jensen’s hand. “Come on, you need to get dressed, too”

“I hate wearing the uniform. It’s uncomfortable”

“Yeah but I really want to see you in it!”

Jensen sighs, taking his clothes off and putting on his dress uniform. Jared’s eyes don’t leave him for one second, enjoying every single move, and if Jensen takes a little more time than usual to undress, no one needs to know.

“Be careful, you’re drooling”

“You’re hot” Jared says, his hands traveling on the blue uniform Jensen is wearing. Carefully, almost afraid to break it, he gets over his medals, and Jensen feels like his heart is about to burst from proudness and love.  “Like, hot as fuck” Jared conclues, his eyes not leaving Jensen for a second. 

Jensen laughs, taking Jared into his arms to kiss him. They still haven’t "done it" yet, but he would have to be blind not to see how much Jared wants it. He’s not any better himself, though. Last time he jerked off so much was back in high school, and he’s starting to worry his dick is beginning to chafe.

“There’s someone I want you to meet, before the ceremony” He says, “It’s uh, it’s a little special. You don’t have to say yes”

“Sure, I would love to”

They leave their apartment, hand in hand, before heading to Justin’s. It’s quiet in the car, the music rocking them slowly while Jared’s hand is on top of his, rubbing his skin gently. He thinks Jared already knows where he’s taking him, and he silently thanks him for not saying anything.

Jensen parks the car but doesn't get out right away, a knot forming in his stomach.

“If you’re not ready, we don’t have to” Jared reassures him

“It’s important” He replies “I’m ready”

They get out of the car and start making their way, still holding each other hands. His hands are sweating from anxiety, even though he knows there no need to be nervous. If there’s anyone he can share this with, it’s with Jared. He won’t judge him, he never does.

He takes a deep breath as they stop in front of a head stone.

“This is Justin” He says “He… he was my best friend. For as long as I can remember. We did everything together back then, mostly stupid things but he… yeah. He was my best friend. We had run ins with the cops, stupid teenage stuff really. Shoplifting, vandalism, drinking underage that kind of thing. But while I stopped, he kept doing it. It wasn’t big things at first, you know? Just… things that got him into more and more trouble. One night . . . one night he called me, told me that he was breaking into a house and that he needed my help. I… I told him no. That I wouldn’t help him, because all this craziness was over for me and robbing a house? It was too much. Too dangerous.

We had a fight, and I hung up on him. But I still- I still felt guilty, because I was letting him down and I decided to go anyway. He had told me the guy wasn’t home so we weren’t really risking anything. I went there, but he was already done. He was… he was so happy. When he saw me. I knew he forgave me the moment he saw me. I- everything happened so fast, after that.

One moment we were walking and laughing, the other Justin was screaming and falling on the ground. I didn’t get it at first. I couldn’t- I couldn’t understand what was happening. Then I saw the blood coming from his chest and he just- he told me to run.

Turns out the man was home, after all. And he was pissed. He shot Justin in the back, and he was coming after me.

I ran. I did what Justin told me to do. I start running until I was out of breath. I-I left him alone, Jared. I let him die alone, on the cold ground with no one to hold his hand and tell him that it was gonna be ok. I left him alone, and . . . maybe if I had stayed, maybe he would still be alive. If I had tried harder to talk him out of it, he might not have robbed the guy, or maybe I should have called the police. Maybe . . . maybe if I hadn’t had shown up, he would have been long gone when the man realized what had happened.”

“Or maybe you would've be dead, too” Jared says, holding Jensen’s hand tighter “Maybe you would have died, and all the people that you helped would have died, too. I would have died. Or maybe not. We don’t…we don’t know. But what I can tell you Jensen, is that none of this is your fault”

“He died alone” Jensen repeats, holding back the tears that are burning his eyes. “He died alone”

Jared doesn’t answer, simply takes him in his arms, allowing Jensen to finally let out the sadness he'd been holding in. He remembers the pain on Justin’s face, the tears on his face as he realized what happened. He can hear him, telling him to run and save himself. But he can’t remember what it was like to hold him, what it was like to touch him. All his memories of his best friend disappeared the moment the bullet hit him. All the laughter and happiness, the smiles and the jokes, they were all gone. When he closes his eyes, all he can see the blood coming out of Justin’s chest, nothing else.

“I’m sorry” Jared whispers “I’m sorry this happened to you. But Justin- Justin made his decision. He knew what he was risking by walking into that house. He also knew what he was doing when he told you to run. He was saving you. He was asking you to live. Don’t waste the time he gave you by living in the past”

They held each other for a long time, Jensen trying as best as he could to calm himself down, until his phone rang.

“They’re waiting for us” He says, pushing the tears away. “We should get going”

“Yeah” Jared says, taking a last look at the head stone, “We'll come back again”

\------------------------------------------------------------------

As Jensen predicted, the ceremony was as boring as it could be. They spent the night getting greeting by strangers, most of them probably curious as to why a police officer had an almost sixteen year old on his arm. Jensen didn’t give an explanation, simply presented Jared has his boyfriend, and if one of them had the audacity to say something, he simply told them to go fuck themselves. Which, of course, was Jared’s idea.

“Can we leave?” Jensen asks Jared, “I want to get out of these clothes”

“Yeah, me too. Maybe we could do it together?”

“You never-“

“I love this song!” Jared cut him off

“What? What song?” 

“The one they just announced!” Jared says, taking his hand “Come on. Dance with me, please”

“Your feet-“

“Are not hurting anymore. I can do it”

Jensen sighs, knowing all too well that there’s no way he can fight  Jared’s decision, and much to his annoyance, they ended up in the middle of the room.

They start dancing slowly, waiting patiently for the music to start.

_I got guns in my head and they won't go_

_Spirits in my head and they won't go_

_I got guns in my head and they won't go_

_Spirits in my head and they won't-_

He follows Jared at first before taking the lead, guiding him around the room as the song starts to go faster. It’s not the type of music he usually listens to, but he can see why Jared loves it.

It reminds him of them, a little. Before he met Jared, his mind was full of ghosts from the past who wouldn’t let him move on. He was just waiting for his life to pass by, without living it.

Now – now he dreams. He wants to do things, to visit places he never visited before. He wants to dance with Jared until they can’t dance anymore, he wants to feel happy, alive. Jared changed him, transformed him into something brighter, better. He’s not alone anymore, and suddenly, the ghosts in his head are no longer screaming.

“I want you” Jared whispers in his ear, “Take me home”

He takes him by the hand and guides him toward the door, not bothering to say goodbye to anyone. He sees Derek and JD shaking their heads with a smiles on their faces, and he smiles back at them.

 

They burst into the house, Jared’s legs tight around his waist as they stumble into the house.

“You’re so strong” Jared moans, pulling off his clothes while Jensen carries him to the bedroom “So strong”

Jensen drops Jared on the bed, staring at him with passion in his eyes as he moves to get rid of his clothes. Jared’s eyes are dark with desire as well as he takes off the rest of his clothes until he's finally laying naked on the bed.

Jensen expected him to wear panties, like he always does, but the fact that he isn’t make is somehow makes it better. He doesn’t want Jared to pretend, to play or to be fake. He wants him to be himself, without the artificial persona he put on when he was a prostitute.

He takes one of Jared’s ankles, kissing it softly as his hand caresses the inside of Jared's thigh.  He kisses his way down until he gets to the spot where Jared's leg meets his body.  There he bites the stretched tendon, hitting the small bundle of nerves there until Jared begins to tremble.  Sitting back up he repeats the process on the other side his cock leaking from the soft moans and pleas to both stop and don't stop from Jared.

Jensen moves up Jared's body until he reaches his lips where he kisses him slowly, letting the emotion he's feeling seep into each gentle swirl of his tongue against Jared's.

"I want you" Jensen whispers "but I need to hear you say this is your choice.  That this is what you want.  Because I don't want you to do anything that's not completely your choice ever again."

Jared's eyes sparkled with unshed tears. "I want this, I want you."

Jensen reached into the nightstand for the bottle of lube.  He started to spread some on his fingers when Jared grabbed his hand.

"You don't have to do that, not my first time you know"

"Yeah, but is is mine." Jensen took Jared's hand and kissed it

“It won’t hurt” Jared reassures him

Jensen smiles and starts kissing Jared, guiding his hand between his legs towards his ass. He starts by pressing his first finger in moving it in and out slowly.

“I’m not gonna break” Jared sighs, “Fuck that feels good, but I’m gonna lose it if you don’t hurry”

“Bossy bottom” Jensen whispers, adding another finger.

He tries to take his time, loving the sounds he's working out of Jared. He wants this to be about Jared's pleasure, before anything else.  He slides a third finger inside, and Jared squeals in pleasure. Jensen wants to come right then and there but he wants to be inside Jared even more. He buries his face in Jared's neck and wills his orgasm away as Jared pushes down on his hand trying to get his fingers deeper, pleading and moaning as he comes apart under Jensen.

“Fuck me” Jared begs, “Please, do it”

Jensen slips his fingers out and pauses only long enough to roll a condom on his dick before lining himself up and sliding inside.  Immediately he is almost overwhelmed by intense heat and tightness of Jared’s ass.

It’s the most incredible feeling Jensen has ever experienced.  It was never like this with any of the women he'd ever been with. To feel so much pleasure at all once, is almost more than he can handle and has to stop for a moment to avoid coming right on the spot.

Jared’s arms are around his neck, holding him close to him so Jensen can hide his face in his hair. Jared breathes in Jensen's scent, losing himself in it.  

Jensen waits a few seconds more before starting to move, slowly at first, letting himself feel the hot silky inside of Jared's ass surrounding his cock, squeezing it so tightly.

“So good” He whispers against Jared’s skin “So fucking good baby”

“More, please.  Oh God yes please more” Jared is writhing and mewling under him.

Jensen starts to thrust harder, his hands twisted in the sheets on either side of Jared. Jared is a crying mess, moaning and begging him to go faster, harder, deeper.

Jensen tries to do as he is told, but Jared is so fucking tight, and it’s been so long, that he doesn’t want it to end.

“Fuck!” Jared screams, his legs suddenly moving up to wrap around Jensen's waist.

Jensen realizes he must have hit Jared’s sweet spot so he grabs Jared's legs, lifting them up to drape over his shoulders and starts to fuck him even deeper. Making sure to hit that spot head on with every thrust.

“Oh Fuck! I’m gonna cum!” Jared yells, his fingers dig into Jensen's shoulders hard enough to leave what will undoubtedly be suspicious finger shaped bruises behind

Jensen moves to slide one of his hands between to stroke him but Jared bats his hand away.

"No, no" he pants "Wanna come on just your cock" Jared’s eyes are locked on Jensen's his body shaking.  Jared screams, his ass tightening to the point that Jensen can't move for a few seconds.  Hot cum spurts from his dick, thick white ropes painting both their chests with a few drops hitting Jensen on his chin. 

Jensen regains his rhythm and comes himself just a handful of thrusts later.  His orgasm hitting him so hard there's nothing he can do but hold on to Jared like he’s holding on to life itself.

They don’t talk right away after that, simply taking pleasure in staying in each other arms. It’s silent, in the room, not a sound could be heard except their breathing.

It wasn't long ago, silence meant loneliness. It meant nights alone in a too big bed, cold sheets and sadness. It meant spending minutes, hours, remembering everything that happened. Hearing his father's hate filled words, listening to Justin’s last words over and over. It was being alone, but hearing the voices of ghosts, blaming him for what had happened, reminding him everything bad that had ever happened in his life was because of him, telling him how much they hated him.

 “I love you” Jared whispers, his eyes closing.

But now, Jared’s voice is louder.

“I love you, too”

Jared’s ghosts are quiet too, now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate quote lyrics in my fic but I can't tell you which song is playing otherwise so we will do with it.   
> Hope you like it !   
> Only the epilogue left


	31. Epilogue

“This just isn't going to work. Us, I mean. We should break it off now” Jensen says, watching Jared cut into his pizza with pineapple on it.

“Put some trust in me” Jared replies, giving him a slice

“Babe, this is a crime against humanity”

“No it’s not! Shawn loves it!”

“I do!” Shawn agrees “It’s the best thing in the world”

“Don’t encourage him” Jensen warns

Jared rolls his eyes before sliding into his lap. Jensen welcomes him gladly, his arms curling around his waist to hold him in place.

“If you taste it, I’ll do that thing you like” Jared whispers

“Oh that’s how it works now? Sex for food?”

“I think it's a pretty good deal”

“Damn right it is” Jensen says, biting into the slice Jared is holding.

As he predicted, the pizza tastes horrible Jensen makes an awful grimace as he swallows it, making Shawn double over with laughter, to which Jensen responds by throwing a pillow in his face.

“This isn’t funny, you asshole!”

“That's because you didn’t see your face!” Shawn laughs even harder, and much to Jensen's dismay, Jared joins him

“And here I was, thinking you loved me”

“I do!” Jared defends himself,” But your face is adorable”

“I’m not adorable!” Jensen says, a little offended.

Jared smiles and crooks a finger under Jensen's chin kissing him

“You’re my sweet baby” Jared says

Jensen rolls his eyes but let himself be kissed again, opening his mouth for Jared to slide his tongue inside.

“Hey, I’m still here” Shawn points out

“Sorry” Jared says “Wanna join us?”

“Don’t say that!” Jensen complains

“Don’t worry, I’m leaving” Shawn says as he gets up “Your nephews are waiting for me”

“Kiss them from us” Jensen says, gently pushing Jared off his lap before accompanying Shawn to the door “Same time next week?”

“Yeah! I’ll bring the dessert”

“Don’t put cheese in it or any of that other weird ass crap you two like to eat”

“I promise” Shawn laughs, before whispering “We still celebrating Jared’s birthday next Saturday?”

“Yeah, but he doesn’t know so keep it quiet”

“Count on me”

They say goodbye to each other before Jensen rejoins Jared in the living room. He kisses the top of his head, holding him from behind the sofa.

It’s been six months since Ventimiglia was arrested, and while it was hard for Jared to deal with everything at first, he’s getting better day by day. On top of preparing to testify at Ventimiglia's trial, he also had to apply to get himself emancipated from his parents. Much to his relief, he didn’t have to see them. JDM promising him with Jared's signed statement of sexual abuse, the judge would grant Jared's application and his parents would just get a letter notifying them.

After a long conversation with Jensen, he decided not to go to back to school. Instead, he takes classes from home, while working in a local shop the rest of the day. He’ll be able to graduate without having the pressure of actually going to school, though he still wants to go to college after that.

Jensen had to get used to his new life, too. Living with someone is different than living alone, but he learned pretty quickly, and now he can’t imagine his life without Jared.

But the changes didn’t stop with Jared. Jensen began to get closer to his family. Once a week, Shawn comes by and they have dinner. Sometimes just the two of them, sometimes with Jared and on some rare occasions, with the kids. He still hadn’t talked to Josh, but he figures it's for the best.

Derek and JDM come over more often too.  And he'd begun working on being friendlier to the other members his team.  Asking after their families and actually listening to their answers, joining them for drinks after work once in a while and cutting them some slack when it comes to paperwork. 

“I love you, you know that?” He whispers in Jared’s ear

“I love you more” Jared replies

“That’s not possible”

“Yeah it is”

“Yeah? What if I show you how much I love you, then?”

Jared yelps in surprise, as Jensen scoops him up into his arms.

“You can, but then I get to show you how much I love you, too”

Fighting over who loves each other the most is a pretty good way to end the day, in Jensen’s opinion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's a wrap !  
> I hope you enjoyed this fic as much I enjoyed writing it. It's always hard to put a stop to a story, there's so many things I would have love them to do, to talk about. But I think they're good on their own now. They have their happy ending so my job is done.  
> I wanted to thank you for all the comments. Some of you have been commenting on every single chapter since the beginning, and it means a lot. I received heartbreaking comments too, so thanks for that !  
> Oh, and special thanks to debivc78 who, once again, came to my rescue when my initial beta couldn't be my beta anymore. And thanks to my initial beta for working with me during so many chapters.


End file.
